Whiskey

If God had meant us to put ice in our whiskey they never would have given us the Sahara Desert!

#AucklandComedy #Comedy #Ice #NZComedy #Whiskey

Too Soon?

65.5 million years ago an asteroid crashed into Mexico and wiped out the dinosaurs, including those further north who hadn’t the foresight to build a wall.

Too soon?

#Asteroid #AucklandComedy #Comedy #Dinosaurs #NZComedy

Jokes

Jokes: a moment on the lips and a lifetime on the quips.

#AucklandComedy #Comedy #Jokes #NZComedy

Touring

Q: What do dead Kiwis tour Europe in?

A: VW Zombis.

(The mythological character formerly known as DEATH)

#AucklandComedy #Comedy #DEATH #Kiwis #NZComedy #Touring #Zombies

English Language

I just don’t understand the English language.

If homophobes are people who hate gays, why aren’t homophones people who chat to gays?

Or iPhones with Grindr installed?

#AucklandComedy #Comedy #Homophobes #Homophones #iPhone #NZComedy

Airline Food

“Why is airline food so bad?”

“Something has to make post funeral refreshments seem good.”

#Airline #AucklandComedy #Comedy #DEATH #Food #NZComedy

Importer Syndrome

I think I’ve got importer syndrome.

That feeling all my success comes from overseas.

#AucklandComedy #Comedy #Importer #ImposterSyndrome #NZComedy

Ocker

There’s a new dating app out for people who want to date Australians. It’s called Ockr.

Their slogan is “Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, swipe, swipe, swipe.”

#AucklandComedy #Australia #Comedy #Dating #NZComedy

Crossroads

Day 12,345, still no Godot.

DEATH steps in.

#AucklandComedy #Comedy #Crossroads #DEATH #NZComedy #Waiting

Birthdays

Birthdays are funny things.

We’re basically celebrating that we haven’t died during the previous 365 days.

Why not celebrate the last day of every month we haven’t died in?

More parties.

#AucklandComedy #Comedy #Food #NZComedy