I found something out which helped me so I thought I share it. If you suffer from high stress and ruminate /overthink a lot: write your thoughts down no matter how crazy you think they are. Don't come up with a system, don't try to make it 'good' or 'perfect'. Just you, your thoughts and a physical pen and paper. For me, it feels like the circulating thoughts are 'done' and they are out of my brain. It sounds so obvious! Maybe that's why I didn't do this earlier. #mentalhealth #actuallyautisic

My partner recently caught a video of me interacting in the wild and I am always struck by just what a painfully awkward kind of person I am in real life. I can't act like a normal person if you put a gun to my head. It requires a level of body language completely alien to me. What it does however is convey a sense of vulnerability and honesty which while not the majority of the population's cup of tea, is very attractive especially to people used to being hurt, relationship vagueness, fakeness, and superficiality. #autism #actuallyautisic

#autism #dating #actuallyautisic #trauma #PTSD #CPTSD
One of the things that I have learned over time, is that often you will go into a long term #relationship with sort of an agreement or contract of assumptions about the relationship. Or maybe that's just me because I'm on the spectrum.
However at some point, often quite a few years in, especially if your partner has #trauma issues, something will make it impossible to keep the contract/agreement intact. These are often CORE parts of your agreement and incredibly important to you. This can do one of two things. Destroy the relationship because they broke the contract, or you can work together and with yourself to adjust. What no one ever tells you when they say "relationships require work".
Communication is essential, something I've worked hard at and rarely had issues with over relationships, but with trauma it really does involve work and accepting a reality you never actually signed up for. In sickness and in health.
On the spectrum its very easy to be offended and hurt by this breach of trust. However Love is more than an emotion, it is a promise and at a certain point, if its a choice between the contract or love, especially if they are putting effort into it but just can't. Discovering if they are often requiring communication and probing questions to discover their level of effort if depression and dissociation are involved. It may appear to you that they aren't putting any effort in when they are working so hard just to live with depression, anxiety or trauma. Effort, not outcome is what should define a relationship. Equal effort from all.
Love is also a contract and a promise to work hard to make the relationship work. How much of each contract outweighs the other depends on you. Do you sacrifice something very important for the sake of love, or feel betrayed and burn the love promise in the process.
All I know at this point is that no matter the relationship if I was to burn down the love contract, then try with someone else, this same thing would happen in a unique and likely just as painful way. So if you can salvage it and work together on in. You never signed up for this but that was a blank check written in the love promise. You work at it and don't give up. Verify especially from a therapist that they aren't abusing you in some way psychologically, (and physical abuse is right out) but don't assume your next relationship wont hurt just as much later when this "contract breech" happens again.
You are the only thing you can change, not them, its up to you to decide if your bond or their contract agreement is more important to you.

#autism #actuallyautisic

#autism #actuallyautisic

Zum heutigen Welt-Autismus-Tag eine neue Folge meines Podcasts, dieses mal über die Diagnostik und warum es gute Gründe dafür, aber auch dagegen gibt, sie machen zu lassen. .
https://audio.pepemoss.com/library/tracks/25667
#actuallyautisic