\ˈthē-ˈˈärd-ˌvärk\Nov 7, 2023
Question for the #ActuallyAutistic, especially those with #ASD1 / #ASC1 (#Aspergers).
Do you find it difficult to fall asleep when you're sharing your bed with someone/your partner/etc.?
As my condition has got more pronounced over recent years, I've found myself having to move to the sofa*/spare bed to get to sleep.
I do have insomnia issues anyway/also.
(*It is an incredibly comfortable sofa to sleep on though )
#ActuallyAutisticAdulting #Neurodivergent
\ˈthē-ˈˈärd-ˌvärk\Aug 1, 2023
@AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic
Holy shit! That's a thing? One of the constant positives in feedback I've received during my career is my ability to communicate complex issues to non-experts and make sure everyone understands what's happening. I didn't realise that's an #Austism thing.
I'm happy to have a specific thing I can point to as a positive of my #ASD1.
\ˈthē-ˈˈärd-ˌvärk\Jul 30, 2023
This weekend I learned about object permanence and how people with autism and/or ADHD can have difficulties with it.
And I realise that this, in particular, is what I've been struggling with for the last few years.
It's causing problems with me doing work and particular tasks for work.
It also explains why my approach to friendship has sometimes been different to my friends'.
#ActuallyAutistic #ADHD #ASD1 #Aspergers #Neurodivergent
Show threadtheaardvarkJun 20, 2023
Of course, I'll probably wake up tomorrow and regret writing this before immediately deleting it. #MentalHealth #MH #ActuallyAutistic #WellAspergersReally #ADHD #Aspergers #ASD1 #ASC1 #Neurodivergent #FuckingArsehole #PointlessSelfTherapy
Show threadtheaardvarkJun 20, 2023
All of the words above have rolled through my head at some point in the last few weeks. I've gone to write some of them down in short bursts but not gone through with it. Now I've started, there's an equal tide of others pushing to get out.
I don't know what I'm expecting from this. It's not a response. I don't know anyone that reads this account. I'm hoping just setting them free from my head will leave some space for other shit. Maybe some of that shit is a little lighter to carry.
Sorry if any of this has burdened your thoughts at all. #MentalHealth #MH #ActuallyAutistic #WellAspergersReally #ADHD #Aspergers #ASD1 #ASC1 #Neurodivergent #FuckingArsehole #PointlessSelfTherapy
Show threadtheaardvarkJun 20, 2023
I found out last year that I'm autistic, Autism Spectrum Condition Level 1 I think it's currently called. It used to be called ASD1, Autism Spectrum Disorder Level 1, and before that, just Aspergers (But Mr Asperger was a fucking Nazi to fuck using his name to describe something people live with). I'm on that chuffing spectrum anyway.
The full diagnosis was ADHD with ASC! "comorbidity", which is a horrible phrase. I wasn't surprised at the ADHD diagnosis. The ASC1 though caught me with my guard down. Not so much those that know me. My wife just replied, "of course, you are", when I told her. And pretty much the rest of my family and friends.
Anyway, in hindsight, one of the superpowers that "Aspergers" has given me is the ability to be calm and rational during periods of intense emotion and/or stress. Only once things have calmed down, sometimes months or years after, will the emotional response come and give me an absolute kicking.
My first wife died from a brain tumour in 1996. She was ill for the 6 months prior. We married 4 weeks before she died. Aside from an expected immediate emotional response, it was about 6 months later that I started to fall apart. It took nearly 3 years to to pull myself together.
When my mum died I was composed enough to give a eulogy at her funeral, a significant amount of which I wrote in my head on the way to the church, and some as I was talking. 4 months later I had what I'd class as an old-school breakdown. Only, my sick pay lasted just a month so I was back to work after that.
It's been a long time since I've experienced anything as intense as the last 3 months. I've never experienced a protracted series of events like that without having the time to roll through the emotional backlash. I don't know what's coming this time. It could be short and shallow. I'm scared it could be a debilitating breakdown and I lose the ability to work effectively. I can feel it brewing though. Each night for the last week or so I've rounded the day out feeling a little lower than the night before.
Many people call it the black dog. To me it's always felt like a tide of treacle. Slow but inevitable. Thick and black and unavoidable. And I think the tide's coming in. #MentalHealth #MH #ActuallyAutistic #WellAspergersReally #ADHD #Aspergers #ASD1 #ASC1 #Neurodivergent #FuckingArsehole #PointlessSelfTherapy
Show threadtheaardvarkJun 20, 2023
Maybe a factual recounting of the background to my current mental health situation might help me start this shite.
We've had a run of bad luck. I've opened with this sentence knowing that I'm immediately going to clarify with, "Well... my wife's had a run of bad luck, to be honest", because god-forbid I was to acknowledge that it takes its toll on me too.
1) At the start of April, my wife, MrsVark, had a hemiplegic migraine. Sounds scary? It's fucking worse. The symptoms look exactly like a stroke. In her case, she loses the ability to speak (aphasia), loses her balance, and it takes a fair chunk of her cognitive ability. Doctors will tell you, as they told us, most symptoms of a hemiplegic migraine will pass in days. The first time it happened, they took 6 months to fuck off. This time, we're 2½ months in, and she'd be almost recovered if the world didn't keep ramping up her stress and emotional condition by fucking us over.
https://www.facebook.com/theaardvark/posts/pfbid02duFb15GJmy54oDzmMJK4ucUXMLWxH4EqaL38cP93vx2huBVD6udbkPqbqFNxgFhwl
2) We'd already signed up, both of us, to run for election as councillors. We had plans for the campaign. MrsVark's aphasia and lack of balance put a stop to her taking much practical part in it. She felt like she was letting people down.
3) Her estranged biological father became ill with cancer. Like, end-of-life ill with cancer just as she was starting to resolve some of their issues. She stepped up her attempts to get to know him and was able, in his final weekend, to go and see him, talk to him and understand the circumstances that led to their estrangement.
4) He fucking died. Whilst she was full of "what if"s and "what should I have done"s about the fact she'd not known him for nearly 50 years of her life.
5) Our son ended up in hospital with meningitis, which triggered a serious series of major epileptic fits. Wither of which could have killed him. On the day of the election.
6) [Redacted][Redacted] cunts [redacted] [redacted] fucking sod off [redacted]. At a time she was still clearly vulnerable and at an extremely low ebb with her mental health. Fucking nearly broke her. The cunts. So she's now having to find a new job, whilst suffering the relapses in her post-hemiplegic-migraine cognitive and speech issues that the stress has caused.
We won the elections by the way. A testament to how much work we put in despite the hardships.
Well, shit. I guess there's no stopping this writing once I start it.

#MentalHealth #MH #ActuallyAutistic #WellAspergersReally #ADHD #Aspergers #ASD1 #ASC1 #Neurodivergent #FuckingArsehole #PointlessSelfTherapy
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theaardvarkJun 20, 2023
I read recently, mainly on Mastodon, about a form of writing therapy where you just write what's on your mind. Sod the grammar, sod the spelling,... just get it out.
My ADHD / ASC1 brain doesn't work that way. It spews things out in curated sentences after they've bounced around my brain for anything from microseconds to days.
Writing them down for no one to read won't work. Writing them down in a place actual people might read could be worse.
So what better than a Social Media account with a negligible audience?
It also feels true to my desire to be open with my mental health. If anyone does read, then maybe they'll relate and understand this shit better.
Who the fuck knows. Just the act of starting to write has scared away all the thoughts that have been plaguing me today. So maybe fuck all will come of it anyway.
#MentalHealth #MH #ActuallyAutistic #WellAspergersReally #ADHD #Aspergers #ASD1 #ASC1 #Neurodivergent #FuckingArsehole #PointlessSelfTherapy
theaardvarkMay 10, 2023
Hi. I'm theaardvark, known by analogue people as Paul Taylor. I'm new-ish to the Fediverse, on Mastodon for a year at @theaardvark and MetaPixl for a few months at @[email protected]
There seemed to be a decent amount of chat about Calckey and *key on Mastodon, so I created this account to try it.
I'm not sure yet what I'll use this account for. I'm open to suggestions from existing Calckey users as to how they use it alongside other social media.
I am a #VAT (tax) manager for an international retailer. In my spare time, I'm a #LabourParty councillor on #Burntwood Town Council and #Lichfield District Council. My politics, which has recently become more important to me, are #CentreLeft, socially #progressive, #woke, #LGBTQI+ #ally with a focus on #LocalGovernment and local issues.
I have #ADHD and #ASD1 (#Autism Spectrum Disorder level 1 / #Aspergers) - diagnosed at age 50, #aphantasia, irregular #depression cycles, type 2 #diabetes and frequent #insomnia. I talk openly about all of these.
I'm based in the #Midlands, #UK.
theaardvarkMay 10, 2023
Hi. I'm theaardvark, known by analogue people as Paul Taylor. I'm new-ish to the Fediverse, on Mastodon for a year at @theaardvark and MetaPixl for a few months at @[email protected]
There seemed to be a decent amount of chat about Calckey and *key on Mastodon, so I created this account to try it.
I'm not sure yet what I'll use this account for. I'm open to suggestions from existing Calckey users as to how they use it alongside other social media.
I am a #VAT (tax) manager for an international retailer. In my spare time, I'm a #LabourParty councillor on #Burntwood Town Council and #Lichfield District Council. My politics, which has recently become more important to me, are #CentreLeft, socially #progressive, #woke, #LGBTQI+ #ally with a focus on #LocalGovernment and local issues.
I have #ADHD and #ASD1 (#Autism Spectrum Disorder level 1 / #Aspergers) - diagnosed at age 50, #aphantasia, irregular #depression cycles, type 2 #diabetes and frequent #insomnia. I talk openly about all of these.
I'm based in the #Midlands, #UK.