| instance matters | @HollowCapitalSupport |
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HollowCapitalSupportI mean, I always suspected I’m kept around because I’m useful for stuff. I can run an instance (even if I’m a shit sysadmin who can’t restore an Akkoma from a backup, and a shit moderator who thinks people should use “mute domain” more often), I can be a cash dispenser whenever someone needs that, I’ll mediate conflicts, I’ll check up on someone I think might be feeling down.
But I’m not a person with feelings and my own mental problems, nobody cares that I have diagnosed social anxiety and find any sort of even vaguely hostile human interaction absolutely dreadful, that I likely have some undiagnosed neurodivergence (that only comes up when I put highscores on online autism tests, or when an asshole of a therapist wanted to claim I’m not really trans and just fucked in the head). I was diagnosed and definitely not having clinical depression, but it doesn’t help with the fact that if I’m thinking of hanging myself only once per week it means I’m doing well (the norm recently was at least thinking of it literally every time I went to sleep, and making detailed plans every couple days).
I was meant to do my job quietly and without complaints. When I wanted to equally quietly run away and just be left alone, I wasn’t allowed that either, I had to stop and explain myself. But there was one precise and short way I was meant to do that, and then shut up again. I made the mistake of talking about my point of view more, and now I’m a monster for this. I never called anyone an “abuser” or “unstable” but who cares, I’m getting my ass whooped in public subposts for that anyway.
What the fuck did I even do to deserve this.
Good to know that I was right in thinking that I always need to consider other people’s feelings before mine, even if I feel hurt, because the one time I didn’t do it it’s the same as calling someone trash, and apparently I’m secretly a harasser too.
Okay whatever, this corpse of an instance will be put down for good today or tomorrow. I thought of trying to try some tests with backups while nobody is using it, but I can do it later on a throwaway akkoma instead.
Bye, maybe I’ll return to fedi later under some other handle. I don’t really have other means of communication after I nuked my discord account, but if anyone wants to keep in touch, email me at subtype(@)hollow.capital
@noricenolife @Josie on Akkoma you need to set the post type as either “Markdown” or “MFM” (the latter has more features like these on Misskey, but quotes are in both)
Rev. Bussy Body of The Church of America MLM and Shooting Cluball this interpreting “war crime bad” as “i want to genocide the people the alleged war criminals are claiming to be fighting for” makes perfect sense if you consider that all our moral instincts have developed, as their default, no-corrective-conscious-reasoning-needed starting point, in terms of
this all happens on a totally intuitive level, to the point where it’s impossible to pick apart and question if you’re not consciously looking for it
most people never, ever think to look for it
those who do, still routinely fail, because at the speeds and volumes these things go it’s like trying to stand up by moving every associated muscle voluntarily
the firehose of social media engagement just makes it worse
@LadyStrawberries fedi speedrun C&D from Gargron%
miadon't. in fact, do literally anything else. maybe knit a scarf instead?
@mtr @winter no funny name here, but there's already Mangane which supposedly is meant to be a degleasoned fork that works with Akkoma specifically: https://github.com/BDX-town/Mangane
@shimei as the poet said, "you’re weak, your bloodline is weak, and you will not survive the winter"