Tusk JenkinsTechnology tips if you named your robot voice Echo instead of the standard choice and you want to secretly talk about bats then you need to say that they have Alexa location
FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF
@sofarrsogud
- 248 Followers
- 65 Following
- 19 Posts
.chrisWent to pluck a chin hair and my skull caved in from the back.
Velocirooster adminensis 
Me[Deftly and mercilessly karate-chopping an entire wedding party]: I'M SORRY! I NEVER KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY HANDS!
bran6: Dad, why did the Tooth Fairy write me a check?
Me: I don’t know but she needs you to wait til the first of the month to cash it
ZOO BOSS: You're fired!
ME: Is it because I spray painted some corporate logos on a panda and called it a branda?
BOSS: Yes. Yes it is.
@incogneko5 That's lovely. Thank you so much. 😊
Cookie MumblesCop: you have the right to remain silent
Mime: *fist pumps*
marlebean 
Fixes all the typos in my tweets and posts them here.
cap’n watsisnameFinding twitter people on mastodon is like, I know where this ride is going, and— hey, it’s that kid who laughed at my Borat impression in PE and YA’LL WE ARE KINGS OF THIS MIDDLE SCHOOL BUS
@rlmiddleton Thank you 😊