Todd 'Papi' Carlos[praying mantis first date]
Female: You seem to have a good head on your shoulders.
Male: Yeah well, you know, saving it for marriage.
rachelle mandik
- 715 Followers
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- 75 Posts
add homonym attacks
born miserablea sense of unease fills the air. you slowly gaze into the distance. and there they are. Flintstone kids. ten million strong and growing.
got kicked out of a funeral for throwing a beach ball into the crowd
SirEviscerate 
How come vampires are always chasing after skinny pale virgin girls when a big fat dude scientifically has a higher volume of blood with a richer hemoglobin content?
The Volatile MermaidMaybe if we start calling our body parts gun-sounding names like “revulva” or “shooterus” the GOP will stop trying to regulate them.
Frank WhitehouseIf I'm guilty of anything it's only of loving too much, insider trading, public indecency, treason, conspiracy to defraud the federal government, arson, jaywalking, international piracy, serial murder, littering & cannibalism.
waffle irons are bullshit. if they really worked you could put in a waffle and get out a pancake.
beware diet advice that recommends "eating light," for that is most certainly the way you become a black hole
[In football huddle]
“What do you guys think happens when we die?”
batkaren (a/k/a kt roth)Like PAC-MAN before me, I too feel pursued by the ghosts of my past, consume mindlessly without end, and enjoy fruit.