[Time is NOT Real Institute]

BOSS: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

ME {coyly}: Time is not real

BOSS: Ah, very good. That was a test. You seem like the right guy for the job.... When can you start?

ME: Right away

BOSS: ...

ME: Oh shi-

{long distance phone call}

ME: Honey, I sent you a giant Valentine gift via balloon

GIRLFRIEND: Oh, that's so sweet!!

{later, watching CNN}

ME: Oh shi

[describing criminal]

"Blond hair and brown eyes and…uh…what’s with the green paint?"

BOB ROSS: There’s always room for a happy little tree.