@Tooden @actuallyautistic Thank you. That is the (mis)reading of the definition that I immediately rail against.

Per Brittanica (it still exists...?):

"The term autism (from the Greek autos, meaning “self”) was coined in 1911 by Swiss psychiatrist Eugen Bleuler, who used it to describe withdrawal into one’s inner world, a phenomenon he observed in individuals with schizophrenia."

This, too, is wildly inaccurate, though. Leaving aside the anachronistic (and inaccurate?) connection to schizophrenia, many of us, me among them, **crave connection**—particularly because we've lacked it for so much of our lives.

Speaking for myself, I have failed so miserably at most attempts at connection that I have all but given up on it, except at the most surface level. I've found that I feel this even more keenly since my diagnosis.

I now know so much more of why I can't connect with most others (usually neurotypicals) and why they can't with me: the Double Empathy Problem.

I am clearly deeply experiencing (at least) the "anger" part of grieving this loss, at this point. I resent... well I don't god damn know. Existence? I resent existing beside so very very many people who can only understand me wildly inaccurately at best. Meanwhile, I can barely understand them.

For me, it seems to be that how I think and feel are too different. This is likely by nature. It is also because of trauma earned owing to that difference.

Xenophobia is evolutionary inheritance. Living beings are tribal. Tribes include a finite group by nature and and therefore implicitly exclude by corollary. That corollary seems to be a deep atavistic instinct in most beings to excise/reject those they consider threatening. If it cannot be understood then it is foreign. It is far safer to deride, reject, and attack foreigners than it is to attempt to understand and connect.

Humanity has been deluded in believing that they're any "better" than other life on this planet.

I posit that even those who believe themselves free of xenophobia still suffer it at their core. They layer on beliefs/self-delusions that allow them to sometimes successfully overcome it. However, they also blindly and ignorantly succumb—and perhaps more blindly as they seem to see themselves as more impervious to it.

I resent this so very deeply.

It's that time of year again... we are getting ready for the Spectrum Gaming 24 hour gaming marathon!

Spectrum Gaming have been a huge support to both our children over the past couple of years. They've made friends through their online community, and this year my eldest became a young staff member. Even with the staff training they have been super flexible and accommodating and made it possible for them to get more involved.

They haven't decided yet exactly what games will be played but I have a feeling the new Zelda Tears of The Kingdom will feature!

Support this autistic-led charity at https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/chocodrage #GamingForGood #ActuallyAutistic @actuallyautistic

Boosts appreciated!