< Torrin > I should post more about in-system kink stuff. We're going somewhere soon so I don't have time now, but when I DO have time, I'm going to talk about my relationship with Trevor from the same subsystem as me.
Carthaginian elephant shekel, minted in Sicily, Italy, 215-212 BCE
< Trevor > The more I think about it, though, the more I realize that, given the kinds of things I am individually likely to post while in psychosis (i.e. the whole thing about considering myself fictional), I'd probably just prefer to block someone who had a problem with me posting about it as though it's my reality. Because it is.
@evifneves < Trevor > Yeah, it hasn't happened directly to me before, but I was just talking to someone else who roughly put it as being that the ability to tell you're in psychosis is a skill, akin to masking, and it's not one that all people with psychosis have or can have. It's one of those things where, if people are unhappy with what I'm saying and would have needed an "unreality" tag to be okay with me posting it, they're probably better off blocked, so if they ask me to tag it, that just gives me the chance to do that LOL
< Trevor > Am I the only one who thinks it's a little weird that we seemingly expect people who are actively in psychosis to be able to tag their posts as "psychosis". This isn't about any recent situation BTW, I'm just thinking about how I may or may not be on the verge of some kind of psychosis right now and how, if I really do fully fall into it, I won't be able to tag my posts properly and people will potentially get mad at me. Maybe not as bad a thing on Fediverse as on Tumblr because I can make private posts here, but still potentially an issue.
< Herschel > I hope everyone understands that, when I told my mother that I didn't think I'd be able to move out after all because I'm disabled in ways that require me to be taken care of, she said, quote, "I don't want to take care of my adult children forever" and just told me that I'm going to have to figure something out and that independence isn't optional. I told my own mother that I was too disabled to be independent, and she told me I'd have to be independent anyway. The entire way my life is going right now is based on the principle that, whether I am able to take care of myself or not, I will be held to the standard of being able to do so.
< Trevor > Looking back on it, I kinda resent how casual and glib nearly everyone was when they were suggesting I had an intersex condition. They were all like "maybe you aren't on a high enough dosage of testosterone" and would give these giant text walls about how HRT works and then end it with "you may also have an intersex condition" with like, absolutely no discussion of how big a deal it is if I AM intersex and that, if that's the case, I should be prepared to think of myself as having a completely different body than other people have.
< Trevor > Only tangentially related to the original point but the intersex thing in particular is part of why I feel so comfortable throwing out literally anything anyone has ever taught me about being a man or masculinity, especially from the transmasc community, because I now understand that, physically, I will never be the same kind of man that a perisex cis man OR a perisex trans man are. That meant I had to get to the heart of what it truly means to be a man - that's how I learned that the opposite of "man" isn't "woman" but "boy" - and then I realized that nobody else had figured that out for themselves and they were still at Gender 101 where they think "testosterone means man, and putting testosterone in your body makes you a man".
< Trevor > Like, to get more personal with this. My disability keeps me from doing a lot of things and makes even life harder for me than it is for other people; certain things that look like discrimination (e.g. excluding me from doing things that would hurt me) are actually fair treatment. And my intersex condition means my body does not process testosterone the same way as other people's bodies; in terms of what my body is like, I literally am not transgender or transmasc in the same way that perisex trans men on HRT are transgender.
A lot of my self-imposed frustrations have come from holding myself to the same standard as someone who isn't disabled or intersex, and now I realize that's just going to make me unhappy and is more of a cognitive distortion than thinking I'm the same as everyone else. And now I realize that a lot of people are holding others to unfair standards and calling it "equality".
PugJesus
