Humanity Still Producing New Art As Though Megadeth’s ‘Rust In Peace’ Doesn’t Already Exist

WASHINGTON—Saying that any further endeavors of technical skill and imagination were pointless, experts at the Smithsonian Institution reportedly questioned Monday why new art was still being produced after the pinnacle of aesthetic and creative potential was reached in 1990 with Megadeth’s fourth studio album, Rust In Peace. “As the unquestioned apex of the entire history of the creative arts, Rust In Peace is the finest and last necessary piece of human expression—but it’s almost as though current so-called artists are completely oblivious to Dave Mustaine’s blistering, transcendent guitar work on ‘Hangar 18,’” said Smithsonian curator of contemporary art Joanna Marsh, gesturing dismissively in the direction of a massive self-portrait by photorealist Chuck Close, completed in 2000. “It’s not just incredibly disrespectful to keep making art; in many ways, it’s actually quite sad. The deluded people churning out this worthless garbage just can’t seem to reconcile themselves to the fact that their pathetic little sculptures and films and novels and whatnot will always pale in comparison to the brilliantly inspired, heart-stopping tempo shift halfway through ‘Holy Wars… The Punishment Due.’” At press time, a spokesperson from the Centre Pompidou in Paris confirmed the museum’s plans to throw out the contents of an entire wing and leave a massive, pure white space where the track “Lucretia” will be played on loop at full volume.