Reviewing Classic Christmas Stories As A Klingon:

A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. A Ferenghi businessman is haunted by three spirits who attempt to remind him of his honor. The Ferenghi should have simply slain the demons who attacked him. 3/5 Christmas Bat'leths. Glory to Tiny Tim!

The Gift of the Magi by O. Henry. Two pathetic humans attempt a mating ceremony in which they sell their most prized possessions in order to purchase gifts for each other. Incomprehensible. Why does the female not simply bite the male to show her affection. 1/5 Christmas Bat'leths.

The Nutcracker by E.T.A. Hoffman. A child's toy comes to life and defeats the evil Rat King in glorious hand-to-hand combat. Then the toy's honor is memorialized in dance and song. A true warrior's tale! 5/5 Christmas Bat'leths.

A Charlie Brown Christmas by Charles M. Shulz. A young warrior struggles with internal demons of self-doubt and depression. While selecting a Christmas tree, he symbolically chooses one which reflects how he views himself - a weak tree, unable to support even a single ornament. He lashes out at those he considers his closest friends, attempting to remind them of their honor, and eventually gives up, believing his efforts were ultimately meaningless. But he is mistaken. His words were spoken with the heart of a true Klingon warrior, and his friends wrap the tree in their most prized possessions, giving it the strength to stand on its own, holding the weight of ornaments many times its own weight over. They gather around and sing songs of bravery and courage, and remind the young Klingon that he too will be welcomed into Sto-vo-Kor. Because sometimes the greatest battle a warrior will ever fight is the one inside his own mind and heart. 6/5 Christmas Bat'leths. Glory to the House of Brown.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr Seuss. A cautionary tale. A Klingon from a lowly house is shunned by his peers and forced to live without honor on the outskirts of town. Instead of seeking honor and glory on his own like a true Klingon, he instead sneaks around under cover of darkness and steals the town's presents with the help of his faithful targ. As punishment, Kah'less removes his warrior spirit and he is doomed to stay in the small town facing his dishonor every day. If he had the heart of a warrior, he would have done battle against Whoville and claimed the glory of Christmas for his own. 4/5 Christmas Bat'leths.

The Nightmare Before Christmas by Tim Burton. The King of Halloween Town assigns three children to kidnap the demon Sandy Claws because he is a coward who refuses to fight his own battles. They too fail, because none of them possess the heart of a warrior. 0/5 Christmas Bat'leths. Tim Burton has no honor.

Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer by Robert L. May. A young warrior is shunned by his peers due to a physical deformity. He leaves his family and house to seek his own glory. He returns after defeating a dentist, a filthy gold-loving Ferenghi prospector, and an abominable snowman. Recognizing his fearless warrior spirit, he is given the place of honor at the front of Santa's sleigh. 5/5 Christmas Bat'leths. Glory upon the House of Rudolph!

Santa: You're either on the naughty list or the nice list.

Me: What if I'm trying to be good, but have to do bad things for good reasons.

Santa: Naughty or nice, you're either with me or against me.

Kenobi: Only a sith deals in absolutes

Santa: (hissing noise as lightsaber ignites)

Minor medical situation on the flight and it’s cool that my wife is able to jump up and help out when they ask for a licensed medical professional.

One day someone will need a regular expression so I stay ready.

May I have your attention:

Autism is neither a disease, nor a birth defect. We have got to push back hard on this eugenicist garbage.