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When you get over 40 everyone's secret favourite part of a night out is the moment the first person decides to go home, thus giving you licence to do the same.

I'm working with a very charming non native English speaker, so acknowledging that this Fess is a bit unkind. But he uses the word "focus" a lot. And when he does, it comes out as "fock yous". Which has me giggling like a schoolboy every time he says it. Sorry.

My friends often feel bad I'm single saying it must be hard etc, it ain't, today I'm eating a bowl of custard for tea because I can, meanwhile my friend can't play football tomorrow because he's got to cut the grass and fit some shelves, so who's the idiot?