London has a far greater claim to The Beatles than Liverpool. They recorded all their albums there, and wrote all their best songs there. They were good in spite of being from Liverpool, not because of it. London made them.

Bridgerton could be the greatest things ever created but there's no way I'm ever watching it, because there's few demographics harder to give a fuck about than posh English people in the early 1800s.

The weirdest Millenial belief is that they look younger than we did at their age. They look exactly the same but with modern haircuts

The reviewer for the Onion AV club marked episodes of Blackadder down for featuring Lord Flashheart. Which is the most monstrous thing I've ever seen.

Why are condoms sized in mm? Just use inches like anyone else does. Ain't got no time to be doing conversions

If you don't sleep with one leg or foot sticking out the covers then you're a psychopath.

It's a shame, as I like them both, but there's no denying Jonathan Ross gets a shittier calibre of guest than Graham Norton.

It was much better in the olden days when kids would play with lego and put it back in the box once they'd finished. Now, houses are overrun with huge lego models. Don't even get me started on Hot Wheels tracks.

If something says defrost overnight in the refrigerator on it you can guarantee it's still going to be frozen in the morning.

Never trust a British person with American teeth