Before you ask me for advice, you should know that I just realized that the word passport comes from a document that lets you pass through a port.
I hope this email doesn’t find you. I hope you manage to evade it for years. The email is ever searching but you are more resourceful.
My dog insists on smelling my breath after I eat anything like an after school special where a teen is trying to hide smoking from their parents.
Look, all I’m saying is that I bought that bag of candy yesterday and I haven’t even opened it yet. So I think, I deserve some kind of reward. Like maybe… a piece of candy?
(Eating potato chips at 4am) Hmm… maybe I shouldn’t store the potato chips here next to my bed.
I just pressed [cook time] [3] [0] [start] on the microwave instead of the [30 seconds] button. I am so sorry for letting you all down like this. I will strive to do better.
Time to make some hot dogs! (Taking the dogs for a walk)
A very quiet sneeze is a shhneeze.
How many kids in grocery stores only know these characters as cereal mascots?