If there was a Fedi-Dating platform...
1. what features would you find most valuable?
2. what features do you like from existing dating sites?
3. and what features do you dislike from existing dating sites?
4. what safety features would you need in order to feel safe on the platform?
1. search and filtering based on self-ranked categories/labels, with more info revealed to better matches
2. accessible interfaces and ease of use
3. looks-first matching and engagement farming
4. a trust network and good moderation tools
@alice @alice hmmmm π€π€π€
1. If they're already on fedi then they're probably my kind of weird
2. Questions and Answers with the ability to rank how important the subject is to you
3. Everything is tinder now and you can't message anyone anymore if you don't match in less than 2 seconds off a profile photo only
4. I've seen some sites with validation in the form of uploading a short video of you reading a script to match against your photos.
@alice My wife and I met via OkCupid fifteen years ago. We both answered around 300 questions in their questionnaire and were matched above 99%.
What I like about their questionnaire was if you had possible answers A, B, C, and D, you could say "I choose B, but for a potential match A and B would both be acceptable. D would be a dealbreaker."
For safety features, a system to report unsafe dudes could save lives.
@Legit_Spaghetti @alice Fake profiles are a huge problem in commercial dating apps. I used to be an avid reader of Reddit's r/scams and the amount of people who get targeted by romance/crypto scams is enormous.
Often times, the red flags are obvious to the people who know them, but the victims usually don't. So regularly giving out short tips with links to in-depth explanations of red flags or descriptions of scam patterns and how to stay safe in general seems like a good idea.
@Legit_Spaghetti @alice I came here to say this. OKC was great for people who liked writing oddly specific answers to their often very boring and Americocentric questions. I'd answered about 2000 questions by the time they Tinderised the platform to death (insomnia will do that to you) and met so many lovely people through it, some of whom I'm still in touch with.
So, to answer the question: freeform answers and the ability to choose weightings and dealbreakers.
Oh yeah, I met my wife on OkCupid too, around the same time even.
Remember when OkCupid used to not be dogshite? Crazy times.
@Legit_Spaghetti @alice same here, found my husband there.
Just want to add that you could comment your choices, and many of the questions were absurd and funny to fill in. It was part of the fun of filling them in.
@NatureMC you can never be sure, but with a well-made trust network feature, you could build a reputation for being safe.
- 9k people follow Alice
- 400 of your mutuals are mutuals with Alice
- 700 people on Fedi have met Alice
- Alice has been reported for the following:
! someone at IPostStolenPorn.com has reported Alice for harassment (report closed without action)
Something like that (but thoroughly vetted for user-safety and privacy vs. feature usefulness).
@alice
1. Sufficient space to talk about myself and my interests.
3. Not being able to contact people without paying.
4. The ability to block arseholes - from their profile, not just if they message me.
@alice
Solve the devilish problem of privacy versus assurance that people are real. My biggest issue with other sites is that im glad to share private details with other honest real folk on the site, but existing services are greedy evilcorps, harvesting and selling intimate details, while allowing oceans of scammers from all corners of the earth who pretend to be in my postal code.
Its a tall order.... But I'd gladly pay a non profit for the service.
@alice not really using dating apps. So my mentions are maybe completely out of reality.
1. Safety: your data stays your data, no AI training, Building up Data to get stolen, e.t.c.
2. No profile picture: text, match, vibe, after that there is a option to defog your Profile picture or Pictures
3. Bullet points: Something to look at and Match before going deeper. But the points are also clickable to show an Explanation what the Individual understands under the bullet points. (bioware)
@alice 1. Absolutely the most valuable feature would be lack of algorithms. A clear view of people, with no addiction driven structures.
2. Only very basic features: they exist, they have users with pictures...
3. Datafarming, algorithms, bots, but also culture. Addiction based structures have built a single served dating culture, where people are used, not interacted with.
4. Possibility of being invisible to non-signed in users, moderation. Maybe a link to other fedi to facilitate trust.
To be only visible to people with roughly similar world views and an opt in to be only visible to and only see LGBTQIA* folks.
@alice A very easy and clear way for one to say 'I do romance but not sex' is something I remember noticing just not existing the few times I poked dating apps. Granted I also got the impression most people on dating apps were looking for sex more than romance.
No offense intended toward allosexuals, just not what I'm looking for ^^;
@gnarf @alice Seems like the simplest way would be to make dating only one interest, and have a ranking of interests (i.e, donβt match anybody with this interest, matches with this interest are acceptable [default], prefer matches with this interest, and donβt match anybody without this interest).
This assumes people describe themselves accurately, of course. You would likely still get guys who leave βdatingβ at the default level or even set it to forbid because βthere are no girls otherwiseβ. Would take good trust and safety tools.
@alice
If I can add (as not in the Dating Pool):
4: Photos only sendable with a kind "invite only", so when the other side explicitly gives the permission to send photos.
I've heard so much of female friends who got unsolitcide Pics, maybe this would help
Oooh this is a good idea.
1. If I stress an age/gender/sexuality/distance range, don't show me people outside of that. Also the ability to see likes and message people without paying.
2. I like the optional questions on okcupid to build percentages, with the ability to add more details to the questions.
3. swipe left/right. Paywalls. Minimum characters in bios. I hate writing bios and would rather match based on a few criteria and chat with them a while to get to know them.
4. Being able to block people based on their profile.
Things I hate as a millennial man (41):
1. I often have to pay to even be "competitive" (and I fucking hate using this term, but they've turned these apps into fucking gamified pieces of shit and it enrages me)
1a. I need to pay money to MESSAGE someone? The fuck is this? The whole point is to begin communication.
2. Zero effort to curb fake profiles, scams, and other miscellaneous fucking heinousness.
3. I know for a fact that there are intentionally fake profiles on their platforms to boost their numbers and these aren't real people and they know it. I bet they've even made them themselves. I wish I had a way to scrape their shit and prove it.
@NosirrahSec one nice thing about a Fedi-style platform is that no company owns it, so if someone starts charging for messaging, folx can just defed from that instance.
An auto-cleaning feature that ages out and freezes inactive accounts, so they don't become a target for takeover.
I am by no means the right person to solve the issue I just thought about it long enough to go "huh yeah idk that sound tricky".. I'm just a lil graphics programmer data security is for the nerds!
@gnomekat I'm a data scientist and security person, and it *is* tricky.
Something like this takes a lot of planning and care to do right.
@alice
Also I massively prefer the LEX style where people can post and interact in a semi natural social media way instead of the swipe format where you are cold messaging strangers.
Having a space where people can see you interacting with other people on the platform is such a massive thing and changes the dynamics a lot. You can build a reputation and make jokes and post stuff in the public feed where people can see. So someone might watch you from a distance for a while before deciding to message. I think that's a much better way of doing things imo.
@gnomekat @alice
This is how I fell in love with @suearcher.
I joined a cycling forum in 2008, just to get away from 'everything', and Arch welcomed me and was friendly. I could see how Arch chatted with others, the jokes, the anecdotes, the cycling knowledge, their personality...
I fell in love with Arch chatting over a shared interest in engineering, and trains, and then I found out 'Arch is a girl?!!!' as was a common exclamation by folks on the forum.
We finally met at a cycling event, but the timing wasn't right, and so I waited and waited...
We finally started dating in 2010, Sue proposed in 2012, and we married in 2014.
It just felt like the best and most natural way to get to know someone before dating.
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