I'm noticing I'm not that much bothered with nobody watching my streams anymore.
It was only around those times when someone or a few were consistently coming to my stream to chill for a year and a half that it bothered me, but ever since I "sent" those people away to do their own stuff back in December, I've never had anyone come to my stream 99.9% of the time.
I do now feel more than alright with 0 viewers. I'm just chilling on my own
I mean throughout when I started in December 2020 to the time someone saw my stream cool in May 2024, nobody really came to my stream aside from a few 6 or 7 people that do come back every year or so. It was chill and all.
Things only got worse when I guess I was "fed attention". Hah. I'm not far off from my wild counterparts.
Don't feed wild animals food and attention, and everything will be alright.
This is the same reason I'm averse to the idea of having friends. I feel natural when I'm alone but throw somebody into the mix, meddling with my life and I don't know how to react. I become self-conscious cos I make a bad impression. I look at them and I get confused why they can handle friends like it's second nature, meanwhile I'm stuck with nobody, making me think something's wrong with me.
It's a loop that gets worse over time, then it becomes envy.
You can guess what happens to the rest. In fact it's what happened in October last year. I was friends with somebody on twitch who, idk, got some dedicated following a year after they started.
Meanwhile I'm streaming for 4 years and nada. That got worse over time then yeah. I said some hurtful words and now he's blocked me, which is alright. It was my fault.
From that point I learned, maybe I'm just meant to be left alone cos clearly, having friends messes up my brain
Idk I guess I'm more of a bear than a human. I can't have friends and I can't have someone "feed" me attention, else I become insane. Bears are solitary after all
I'm like 60/40, 63/37 kind of deal. Kinda like a soldering wire haha. I have to learn how to solder though. It's been a while..
Really Lazy Bear 