Okay, whoever authored this deserves a raise
@gumnos don't forget the new proprietary plug to charge the new one and apply updates
@gumnos A new CEO is available. Would you like to install? [Yes] [Remind me later]
@gumnos [228] what did they shoot the old one's kneecaps out or something?? /j

@gumnos If you liked that, you’ll probably love this from the same bunch:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xs3SfNANtig

Trojan Horse - The Chaser

YouTube
@gumnos Tom Basso authored it.
Apple announces new CEO, deliberately slows down old one – The Chaser

Watchdogs say the previous CEO model suspiciously started slowing down immediately after the announcement

The Chaser
@xconde yeah, it was noted in the alt-text, left ambiguous in the post for effect
@gumnos sorry! Didn’t read the alt. My bad 🙏🏼
@xconde hah, no worries. It was there in the screen-cap so I assumed folks could tell I knew who wrote it. I guess I was a bit too oblique. ☺
@gumnos and I was too eager to share the url 🤦🏻‍♂️😅

@xconde

The Chaser's account is here @chaser but not much activity there, unfortunately.

@gumnos

@gumnos This is a gross misrepresentation. It's true, they have slowed Tim Cook down a lot, but this will help him live longer

@gumnos apparently they've also reduced his energy capacity too. It's not all light though as the new one has to do everything through once port - a very messy process - you need an £899 "iPoop" to enable multiple input and output ports.

But he does "come" in 4 colours... 😏 (Sorry. Smut)

@gumnos the old one would probably be fine for several more years, but he's almost impossible to fix.
@gumnos for severance, the board is pushing U2’s entire back catalog to all of his Apple devices whether he wants it or not.