Mastodawn

For people out there who are starting on the "am I autistic" journey, and are feeling the bite of imposter syndrome. Does it help to replace "autistic" with "a person who is allowed to say what their needs are, and claim those needs without having to apologize" ?

You're allowed to do that even if you're not autistic. That doesn't mean it doesn't matter whether or not you're autistic. It does! You need accurate information about yourself. Don't stop that search.

But you're allowed to claim your needs whether or not you are autistic.

You get to decide what your needs are, and who you are. Even if you are not autistic. Even if it's "just" anxiety and depression, that doesn't make you broken or wrong, too sensitive, or too much.

There is nothing shameful about being the way you are, whatever your neuro-status. You are allowed to take up space, and have inconvenient needs, and decide for yourself who you are.

#ActuallyAutistic

@Zumbador this mindset can also be good when asking for accommodations while not officially diagnosed (or unwilling to disclose a diagnosis): "I am sensitive to noise, that's why I wear headphones", "big crowds are exhausting to me, that why I need downtime afterwards".

Zumbador 16h ago

@quidcumque 💯

Dr. Figuring-things-aut 15h ago

@quidcumque @Zumbador yes, this is exactly what I preach at work as well, if you don't want to disclose, be specific about the need you need support with instead. And when managers ask how to talk about it with who they suspect to be neurodivergent I say, just ask the person what their bottlenecks or energy drains are where you can support them!

@Zumbador I'm interested to know if this helps others much because the thing that - after years of telling myself this was true - it was only when I self diagnosed that it really became true for me. That I could begin to see my needs properly let alone accept them. Until then I was stuck in struggling on.

I believe the biggest part of this was realising that I wasn't alone. We're all different here, but I found I related to do many parts of other autistics' experiences.

Zumbador 16h ago

@doggle That's why I'm careful to say that this doesn't mean "it doesn't matter whether you're autistic or not". It's still really useful to know that.
But I wonder whether it's possible to accept oneself as not broken for things other than autism.

I think it's a pity if it's only autistic people can have that relief.

@Zumbador
Codified a bit more in the peer developed resource I copied from here:
https://aus.social/@noodle/112640386244869951

noodle (@[email protected])

Probably a good time to chuck up these affirmations taken from Sonnny Jane Wise's ND DBT workbook. #autisticpride > My interests are valid, and I am allowed to be excited and passionate about them even if other people aren't. > People disagreeing with me does not mean my lived experience or my opinion are invalid. > I am allowed to ask for reassurance and I am worthy of people's time and attention. > I am allowed to ask questions and require certainty in order to feel safety and control. > Some people won't like me no matter what and that is not a reflection of how likeable I am. > I decide what thoughts to reject and let pass.

Aus.Social

Zumbador 14h ago

@noodle yes I like these!

Kevin Davy 14h ago

@Zumbador
There in lies the trick. Realising and accepting this.

Netraven 13h ago

@Zumbador I'll never feel safe to claim my needs.

Verena Rupp 12h ago

@Zumbador Also, you may wanna check out this book by an autistic author:

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/61111570-untypical

Am reading it right now; I was diagnosed about five years ago and learned lots of new things from it.

Untypical: How the World Isn’t Built for Autistic Peopl…

It’s time to remake the world – the ground-breaking boo…

Goodreads

"Inconvenient needs" immediately triggers me. How, I wonder?

Stuck Here 11h ago

It's good to know if you fit a classification. Identifying where you fall on the spectrum is stress relieving. It gives you information that can help.

I have a freind who states, "Brains will be brains." It takes away the stigma of issues. It gives a do-over if one is needed. It allows you to move on. Not to dwell but to learn. Her saying it shows she sees the problem. It diffuses the negative feelings over something.

It's best said to someone else when they stress over something.

Piggleston Pecanpants 11h ago

@Zumbador I like the term neurodiverse, at least for myself. Also, the longer I live the more I subscribe to the notion that everyone is different. Just because most people behave differently and react to stimulus differently than I do doesn't make them "normal." Maybe this is how the species is evolving and we're more evolved that the rest of society. Everyone should be sensitive to the needs of others regardless of their neurological status.

As a neuro divergent myself I want to encourage those who are on the path of self discovery to learn about neuroplasticity and habit forming. Many of our problems have solutions, but they take hard work and commitment to see results.

Please, don't accept dissatisfaction with yourself and your life. With some work and perserverence peace of mind is attainable for anyone.

I highly recommend breathing exercises and meditation as a foundation for building self reflection skills.

Stahldame 9h ago

@Zumbador this one hits home.
Thanks.