🅰🅻🅸🅲🅴 (🌈🦄)Car just drove by and one of the guys in it made the 🐈👅 gesture out the window at me.
Not sure if it was an observation based on my aesthetic, or the threat of a 🐰good time🐰, but either way...guys, this is why y'all're still single.
Richard @RBPhotographic@alice I never realised how bad it was for women until my wife had me follow her at a discreet distance while she was jogging on her own. I learnt why she only went jogging with me and that many men should not be allowed out into the world with supervision.
B@rbphotographic @alice Same for my wife and I. There are certain gas stations she avoids because of where they are and the type of men who frequent them. We also always go food shopping together or I go by myself because she ALWAYS has something happen.
Irene Zhang@blainsmith @rbphotographic @alice I stopped grocery shopping. I hated it. I figure skate for exercise because it’s mostly women and gay men at the rink. I spend so much time with (mostly well behaved but oblivious) men at work that I mostly go to women-centered spaces now, especially if it’s on my own.
Colman Reilly@Colman @irene @rbphotographic @alice My wife has told me she's experienced:
- Long uncomfortable stares
- Whistling
- Being followed around the store
- Random comments under their breadth
All of which were different men every time and she knows to just call me and I will answer to just be on the phone.
@blainsmith @Colman @rbphotographic @alice when I was pretty young (15 or 16), my mom would send me to the store. Once a man blocked me between his car and mine and tried to get me to go home and have sex with him for money in the grocery store parking lot. Catcalls were common when I was younger and lived in the Midwest or Boston. In Seattle, I had someone ask me out in the pasta aisle. If it’s hot and I wear a dress people will make creepy (but probably what they think are complimentary) comments. My 60-ish year old neighbor made a point of interrupting me and commenting when I was washing my car on my driveway in a tennis dress.
@irene @blainsmith @rbphotographic @alice and here I am trying to figure out non-creepy ways of complimenting my younger but adult ballerina colleagues on their dancing.
@Colman "you are impressively talented", "you are an amazing dancer", "I'm humbled to share a stage with someone who puts in so much effort".
Say it lightly, around other people, and then continue whatever else you were doing and let them decide whether or how to take your compliment. If they chase you up to say thanks, then you did good. If they don't, then you said something kind and that's all there is to it.
I hear a lot of guys saying things like "I don't know how to compliment a woman", and my best answer is that you do it without expecting anything in return. Most people can tell when a compliment is genuine and when it's manipulative.
@alice @Colman @blainsmith @rbphotographic Rule of thumb: comment on things that are changeable and they worked on, like your extension is great or you are looking solid on those turns. Absolutely do not comment on things they cannot control, like you look beautiful or you have lovely legs. For example, sometimes people say to me: you have beautiful hair and it’s weird because like it’s just my hair? What am I suppose to respond, thanks I grew it myself? I also make it a rule not to comment on people’s appearance at work.
Ellie 🏴🏳️⚧️@irene I would have figured that hair falls into the category of things you can (somewhat) control. Like haircut and color is usually a choice and having good looking, healthy hair can take a good bit of time and effort, varying depending on genetics.
BewilderedKat 
@31113 @irene It may depend on the context. Compliment something that someone has clearly put effort into.
If I haven't really done much with my hair except leave it be for a few days, or if I feel it's having a scraggly day, it feels weird to get a compliment on it. But if I've put effort into it, then sure! I'll probably joke about how I put water in it, but that's more because I'm not always practiced with receiving compliments.
But things like a well out together outfit, coordinated nail color, etc make for appearance themed compliments that land much better than just body parts.
@h3mmy @31113 agreed. I really don’t do anything with my hair but I have had a terrible time finding people that know how to cut and style it because it is stiff and very straight. Only after I moved to Seattle and found a Japanese hair stylist was I able to get a decent hair cut. So my hair has always felt like a struggle. Of course it’s nothing compared to what black women go through. So you might think hair is kind of neutral but our shitty system has politicized it, like basically everything else about women’s bodies. https://legaldefensefund.substack.com/p/black-people-face-hair-discrimination
Natasha Ekara