🅰🅻🅸🅲🅴 (🌈🦄)Car just drove by and one of the guys in it made the 🐈👅 gesture out the window at me.
Not sure if it was an observation based on my aesthetic, or the threat of a 🐰good time🐰, but either way...guys, this is why y'all're still single.
Richard @RBPhotographic@alice I never realised how bad it was for women until my wife had me follow her at a discreet distance while she was jogging on her own. I learnt why she only went jogging with me and that many men should not be allowed out into the world with supervision.
B@rbphotographic @alice Same for my wife and I. There are certain gas stations she avoids because of where they are and the type of men who frequent them. We also always go food shopping together or I go by myself because she ALWAYS has something happen.
Irene Zhang@blainsmith @rbphotographic @alice I stopped grocery shopping. I hated it. I figure skate for exercise because it’s mostly women and gay men at the rink. I spend so much time with (mostly well behaved but oblivious) men at work that I mostly go to women-centered spaces now, especially if it’s on my own.
Colman Reilly@Colman @irene @rbphotographic @alice My wife has told me she's experienced:
- Long uncomfortable stares
- Whistling
- Being followed around the store
- Random comments under their breadth
All of which were different men every time and she knows to just call me and I will answer to just be on the phone.
@blainsmith @Colman @rbphotographic @alice when I was pretty young (15 or 16), my mom would send me to the store. Once a man blocked me between his car and mine and tried to get me to go home and have sex with him for money in the grocery store parking lot. Catcalls were common when I was younger and lived in the Midwest or Boston. In Seattle, I had someone ask me out in the pasta aisle. If it’s hot and I wear a dress people will make creepy (but probably what they think are complimentary) comments. My 60-ish year old neighbor made a point of interrupting me and commenting when I was washing my car on my driveway in a tennis dress.
@irene @blainsmith @rbphotographic @alice and here I am trying to figure out non-creepy ways of complimenting my younger but adult ballerina colleagues on their dancing.
@Colman "you are impressively talented", "you are an amazing dancer", "I'm humbled to share a stage with someone who puts in so much effort".
Say it lightly, around other people, and then continue whatever else you were doing and let them decide whether or how to take your compliment. If they chase you up to say thanks, then you did good. If they don't, then you said something kind and that's all there is to it.
I hear a lot of guys saying things like "I don't know how to compliment a woman", and my best answer is that you do it without expecting anything in return. Most people can tell when a compliment is genuine and when it's manipulative.
Negative12DollarBill@alice @Colman @irene @blainsmith @rbphotographic
As an older guy who works with a lot of younger women, if I ever give them a compliment it is a completely neutral phrase like "you look amazing". No implication of attraction involved. "You look great" seems safe. What do you think?
@negative12dollarbill @alice @Colman @blainsmith @rbphotographic it’s better to compliment them on their work. Women are so use to being objectified and only there to be looked at that they sometimes want to not be looked at and judged on their appearance. I’m not speaking for all women but for me at least, I don’t think of how I look at work at all. It can be jarring to be reminded of it when I’m at work, I think of myself as a sort of formless blob talking about operating systems. You might think it’s a compliment but it might be difficult for the women to have to stop their work and think about how to respond. I might recommend you read this blog post that I wrote for more insights. https://irenezhang.com/blog/2024/07/24/misogyny.html
@irene @negative12dollarbill @alice @Colman @rbphotographic When my daughter first started getting into dressing herself with outfits of her design I never replied with "you look so pretty/cute/etc". I always phased it as "you're outfit choice today is so creative" and then followed up with asking how she ended up choosing it. This way it still support her in a way she wanted to be support, but never about her looks and always about her choices of creativity she wanted to share with me.
@blainsmith @negative12dollarbill @alice @Colman @rbphotographic Awesome yes! I almost never have an issue with women complimenting me because it’s almost always about a specific item of clothing that I’m wearing. Then because I’m Asian and Midwestern, I have to tell them what a good deal that I got on it. 😂
@irene this! I get a lot of compliments from women about my earrings, my style, my (dyed) hair, etc. Men more often compliment my looks, my "fit" (which is actually a term I don't mind if it's not said hungrily), etc.