lifewithtreesWould you have a new friend over to hang out after they told you that you were not welcome to hang out at their house?
| I would have them over | |
| I would not have them over | |
| Something else I’ll comment |
Poll ends at .
🌸 Vårgubben@lifewithtrees Likely not, except if they had some good explanation for this somewhat odd behaviour.
E.g. They could have spouse going through chemotherapy, and thus have a with limited immunity to the common cold.
lenatrad@lifewithtrees it depends. I struggle majorly with cleaning my place, I can’t really invite people. So I could understand somebody not inviting me to their place.
@lenatrad would you put the time and effort in to clean for them to come over if you were not able to visit them in return?
@lifewithtrees probably not. I’d suggest meeting somewhere else.
JackMexIs the potential to have sex involved and I am really thirsty?
If yes, then yes.
If not, then no.
(the phrase “you were not welcome” is hostile, though, so I am biased against that person. If that person cannot host for a sensible reason, that would be different)
Thomas@JackMexa4 @lifewithtrees mm, that's how I took it. Minus the sex.
But you must admit that the sex part might incline the scale.
Jax UKIf they had a reason I wouldn't mind, but telling me I am not welcome is a big red flag!
Eleanor LNR Blair@lifewithtrees Would depend entirely on *why* I can't hang out at their house, but probably not.
Toast, Anonymous Fedi Fungus@lifewithtrees In my experience, if someone isn’t willing to have you over, it’s not worked out having them over. Like the person who came to our place whose 8 year old turned out all our drawers like the FBI searching for microfilm and then proceeded to waive our kitchen knives around like swords. Can’t imagine what her apartment was like.
Kate@lifewithtrees I’m assuming that since we’re friends, there is a reason that it would not be good for me to be at their house that they have shared with me and I understand and accept. I might also suggest doing something together somewhere else (going for a walk, to a coffee shop, etc). (Not that I really “hang out” with friends in person—the closest I come to “hanging out” with irl people is my D&D group, which happens in a public place)
Melissa@lifewithtrees If it had to do with medically serious allergy issue...no that doesn't make sense, it's just the first place my brain goes.
YES if the friend were dealing with abusive roommates or similar...?
YES if the friend were dealing with abusive roommates or similar...?
🇨🇦 Little-k@lifewithtrees
It really depends on the reason.
As someone who had a hoarder for a mother, I did not ask my high school friends to come to my house for obvious reasons.
Does that make me an evil/nasty person with something to hide? No, just a kid who was embarrassed by the state of our house.
For the record, I was always welcome in their homes and by their parents. Deep down I think they already knew and never pushed it out of respect for me.
It really depends on the reason.
As someone who had a hoarder for a mother, I did not ask my high school friends to come to my house for obvious reasons.
Does that make me an evil/nasty person with something to hide? No, just a kid who was embarrassed by the state of our house.
For the record, I was always welcome in their homes and by their parents. Deep down I think they already knew and never pushed it out of respect for me.
@lifewithtrees I'd drop them as a friend.
Gary 
@lifewithtrees @purplepadma it would entirely depend on the reason for me not being welcome at their place. There could be many valid reasons.
Andy Smith@lifewithtrees
People can have lots of reasons why they are uncomfortable with others in their personal space and many of those reasons will not be related to me, so taking it personally without knowing more is in my view unwarranted and also pressing them to explain themselves is not friendly.
Of course if I later found out some negative reason that *is* personally about me then I'd have to re-assess.
People can have lots of reasons why they are uncomfortable with others in their personal space and many of those reasons will not be related to me, so taking it personally without knowing more is in my view unwarranted and also pressing them to explain themselves is not friendly.
Of course if I later found out some negative reason that *is* personally about me then I'd have to re-assess.
Lydia Schoch@lifewithtrees This is red flag behaviour to me due to being told one isn’t welcome at their house.
That’s a rather hostile response to a friend in my opinion.
I would ask why this is the case as there are a few scenarios that others mentioned where it could be totally understandable.
Otherwise, I would be quietly distancing myself from this person.
@lifewithtrees I’m curious to hear what you decide to do (assuming this is a scenario you’re encountering and are comfortable giving an update).
Deborah Preuss, pcc 🇨🇦@lifewithtrees @lydiaschoch not everyone lives in a home where they feel safe. If safety (including bullying) were an issue, I'd probably be fine with it. And: there would be a conversation about that, at the right moment.
@deborahh @lifewithtrees Yes, that’s one of the situations I was thinking of when I replied. Totally understandable there.
JamesK@lifewithtrees @lydiaschoch Comment: wait, what!?
Forest Fern@lifewithtrees I'm not welcome? Hmm. I think maybe they would be a friendly acquaintance instead of a friend. I wouldn't be upset by this as there are different personalities in the world, including mine. Friendly is good enough for now.