Nine Oh Real8h ago
Church of Jeff

An Atheist dies and goes to Hell. He is greeted by Satan and is shown around. The weather is nice, the dirt is fertile, and Satan gives him a nice house that is nicely furnished. He has all the food he could eat and he is free to roam around and enjoy eternity. Satan leaves, telling him he will check on him in a few weeks.
The Atheist is enjoying his eternity and has been hiking and exploring when he comes to a high wall. He looks over the wall...

CONT ->

#Atheism #Atheist #ReligionIsPoison

Oct 24, 2024 at 7:22pmWeb
Show threadChurch of JeffOct 24, 2024
The Atheist looks over the wall and sees people burning if fiery pits, screaming in agony, with demons torturing them.
The Atheist is extremely unsettled by what he has seen and hurries back to his house.
Satan comes to visit the Atheist as promised to see how he is adjusting to his eternity.
The disturbed Atheist confronts Satan, "There are people burning in pits being tortured while I live in this nice house and have a comfortable eternity. Why are they being punished when I am free?"
CONT ->
Show threadChurch of JeffOct 24, 2024

CONT ->
Satan says, "Oh those guys? Those are the Christians and that's how they want it."

#punchline

Show threadSamael Oct 24, 2024

@jeffowski

Haaaaaaaahahahaa! 💙

Show threadTwotiredJan 1, 2025
@jeffowski The version I remember hearing was slightly kinder: the guy sees a pit of flaming brimstone and asks what it’s doing there; he’s told, “that’s just to keep the Christians happy.”
Show threadChurch of JeffJan 1, 2025

@Twotired -- That definitely changes the whole punchline...

In mine, we have Christians choosing the fiery pit and in yours, we have Satan keeping a pit to maintain appearances.

Totally different message and take.

Show threadMaggie MaybeJan 5, 2025
@Twotired @jeffowski How is that kinder?? In your example people are being tortured at someone else’s request, in the actual joke people chose that for themselves. You think it’s more kind that other people are tortured than the people who would choose it for themselves?
Show threadTwotiredJan 5, 2025
@maggiejk @jeffowski Sorry I wasn’t clear. In the version I heard, nobody was being tortured. Hell turns out to be quite a luxurious place. There’s a pit of burning brimstone, but it isn’t actually used for anything. It’s just there to keep the Christians happy (by existing).
Show threadObsolescentSapienJan 8, 2025
@jeffowski Amazing
Show threadJames 🦉 #FBPE 🇪🇺Feb 13, 2025
@jeffowski When Satan appeared everyone else saw Trump too right?
Show threadFrank KüselApr 24, 2025
@jeffowski You would enjoy Surface Detail by Iain M Banks. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surface_Detail
Surface Detail - Wikipedia

Show threadJay20h ago
@anagnostes @jeffowski
In some ways his best work
Show threadSakuraBlossomJan 10, 2025
@jeffowski burning in*?
Show threadNoahLorenMar 24, 2025

@jeffowski

At first I thought:

If the Christians are right, will we go to Hell? But if we go to Heaven, we will spend eternity surrounded by a bunch of fanatical Christians. Let's go to Hell then.

But then I realized:

If the Christians are right, we will go to Hell, and there will be Christians there too, because they are hypocrites and do not follow their own dogmas!

Show threadSable Shade🇦🇺🍉🗝🇵🇸🇺🇦May 8, 2025
@NoahLoren @jeffowski
Ah, is that where,
Damned if ya do.
Damned if ya don't,
comes from¿