Ben
No
Mar 26 at 3:21pmWeb
Show threadBenMar 26
Sorry for the language. But that was my authentic response to this story. And I have to live my truth.
Show threadMetin Seven 🎨Mar 26
@TheBreadmonkey Squirrel here. You're forgiven, my son.
Show threadJames 🦉 #FBPE 🇪🇺Mar 26
@TheBreadmonkey The real story here is the squirrels are no longer digging up crack, so that's progress.
Show threadDamonHDMar 26
@freequaybuoy @TheBreadmonkey Why can't it be both?
Show threadJames 🦉 #FBPE 🇪🇺Mar 26
@DamonHD @TheBreadmonkey Because if I'm smokin crack, I'm smokin a frikin fag
Show threadJames 🦉 #FBPE 🇪🇺Mar 26
@DamonHD @TheBreadmonkey The squirrel, I meant the squirrel
Show threadNickMar 26
@TheBreadmonkey Ben, you’re allowed to say Fuck Off on here, even in relation to a squirrel.
Show threadBenMar 26

@Nickiquote

Just felt a bit plosive and ambushy. One minute you're looking at pictures of flowers. The next a swear jumps out of your phone and into your eyes. I didn't want to cause any undue distress. 😂

Show threadNickMar 26
@TheBreadmonkey I reckon it keeps them alert and awake. That’s why I just post CUNTYBOLLOCKS in capital letters every dozen toots or so.
Show threadwoe2youMar 26
@TheBreadmonkey I choose to read this as you apologising for "live my truth", and quite rightly so.
Show threadTheriacMar 26
@TheBreadmonkey
pics or it didn't happe ..... oh
Show thread❄️SnowyIn❄️ 🇨🇦🚫🦻Mar 26

@TheBreadmonkey
🤔
Slow news day and the editor was high
AI is running the newspaper presses
LSD is making a comeback and reporters are partaking

Why is this a "news story? <insert your guess here>

Show threadMarkMar 26

@TheBreadmonkey Can I make a alternative headline instead. Yes I laughed at myself when I thought of this, no idea why - I'm weird.

"Beloved Squirrel known as Ben by locals - seen 'vaping' and playing music in London Park".

Show threadNickMar 26
@TheBreadmonkey Acorn flavoured, was it?
Show threadEric BonoMar 26

@Nickiquote @TheBreadmonkey

Tannic acid is gonna be the death of these kids yet

Show threadDavidMar 26
@TheBreadmonkey Dril? Is that you?
Show threadBenMar 26

@theplaguedoc

Bril morelike

Show threadDavid CohenMar 26

@TheBreadmonkey And in the tradition of the modern headline, it is a complete clickbait extrapolated lie that does not exist in the story. FFS.

(no, dickquotes around the word vaping does not make the lie ok)

Show threadNickMar 26

@davidbcohen @TheBreadmonkey

Ian Betteridge must be a billionaire by now (please no-one copy the poor guy in).

Show threadBenMar 26

@davidbcohen

To be fair there is a video of a squirrel fiddling with a vape...

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2026/03/23/squirrel-seen-vaping-in-london-park/

Show threadDavid CohenMar 26

@TheBreadmonkey I know. But holding a vape is not vaping, and they know it. “Squirrel picks up rubbish” happens every day and does not make the national rags!

After all, that bear did not become Cocaine Bear until it ingested the cocaine - until then it was just a bear nuzzling some human trash.

Show threadEric BonoMar 26

@TheBreadmonkey

This must be so embarrassing for his family

Show threadBruce HeerssenMar 26
@EricBono @TheBreadmonkey
What will the neighbors in the tree next door think?
Show threadEric BonoMar 26

@bruce @TheBreadmonkey

He' going to get an earful from his parents. They're going to squeak his head off.

Show threadBruce HeerssenMar 26
@EricBono @TheBreadmonkey
Kids these days. Next thing you know, young squirrels will be shooting up in the ditch behind the hedge.
Show threadSimon dē Gulielmō 🐧Mar 26

@TheBreadmonkey Whoever wrote that clearly needs to change their medication.

"I'm telling you I'm not a squirrel! I'm just a very hirsute man!"

Show threadinternetsdairyMar 26
@TheBreadmonkey Where can I buy tickets?
Show threadGuillotine Jones, FlâneurMar 26
@TheBreadmonkey
Squirrel!
In a headline!
Show threadBenMar 26

@Guillotine_Jones

Turtle power!