I know we all joke about passing around the same mutual aid $20 bill, but in a polycrisis world, it feels like there's also a parcel of moral support and caring that we pass around between people in different kinds of crisis and hardship, too. Everyone gets their turn to give and receive it (in my circles anyway). The reciprocity is much healthier & more comfortable than feeling like a constantly needy friend.
1/n
However, much like mutual aid, the people in my life who show up to support me the most (or at all) are typically in some kind of serious ongoing or acute hardship or crisis.
In contrast, the people in my life with the lightest loads and the most resources are the least supportive and most extractive. (I've cut most of those people out of my life as a survival choice because I truly can't afford them.)
2/n
Cutting people out of my life who are too extractive, exploitative or otherwise too expensive / work against my survival is truly the most isolating part of my current life.
The physical isolation pales in comparison.
3/n
I don't want to think that people have to go through hardship to develop empathy & compassion for others (or otherwise turn into good people). Hard times clearly don't effect everyone that way, but most of the best people in my life have been through awful things.
How do we make it possible for people to become good, caring people without putting them through hell? Sincere question. I'm always thinking about it.
If anyone has (constructive, non venting) thoughts, I'd love to hear them.
4/n
@HeliosPi Thank you! I'm reading the transcript right now.
> Now you're standing on a footbridge that passes over the tracks. You're looking down onto the tracks. There's no lever anywhere to be seen. Except next to you there is a guy./ .... If I push this man, give him a little tap, he'll land on the tracks, and he stops the train.
My brain: Okay but why don't I jump off the footbridge and stop the train with my body myself???
(I deeply hate the Trolley Problem. lol)
ROBERT: So now we're getting to the rub of it. You think that profound moral positions may be somehow embedded in brain chemistry.
JOSH GREENE: Yeah.
This is fascinating! As is the "inner chimp" idea.
I'd rather live in that chimp enclosure than most human settlements.
I wonder if that M*A*S*H scenario study tagged by neurotype... b/c I bet that would be interesting.
@HeliosPi The Pioneer Game story is incredible.
I think I might remember every single time I disappointed an adult that way. (To be fair, there weren't many.)
That kind of experiential social emotional learning reminds me of the work of Jane Elliott. If you're not familiar with her, there are some fabulous documentaries about her which I warmly recommend.
@HeliosPi Dale's story about his friend Travis's bike accident reminds me of the film Force Majeure, which is outstanding and I also recommend
@HeliosPi I'm reading the Quaker silent penitentiary section of the transcript, and on one hand, living in isolation myself it's oddly relatable.
But it also makes me think, without knowing the details of how it functioned, about how I'm trained in opera and can project my voice -- if I was ever in a situation like that and it were possible, I'd sing my head off. On principle.
. . .
That was a fascinating read. Thank you again!
@MostlyTato That distribution reminds me of the classic article Who Goes Nazi by Dorothy Thompson for Harper's Magazine in 1941.
> I don't think there is a clear answer.
My heart of hearts desperately wants to believe that there are multiple answers and they are just out in areas of expertise that I haven't encountered yet.
> ...I think the people who have the ability to be kind to the vulnerable also know how to be kind to their own vulnerability.
Wow, Valery. 🤯
That's a really powerful insight.
(I would like to be more kind to my own various vulnerabilities -- it's a work in progress -- but at least I'm acutely aware thanks to experience that neither mine nor anyone else's are a result of moral failings, and that's a start.)
@ShaulaEvans @MostlyTato ooo good point.
Bad things happen to good people.
I think there's a huge amount of denial around that. And if they don't victim blame then they'd have to consider they are vulnerable to bad things happening too.
As an aside I am profoundly grateful for the people who do have the skills and the heart to still be there within the hard stuff. This community sustains me.
@MostlyTato @ShaulaEvans thank you for saying all this. 🥲
It's helpful to think of it as something that unfolds not something I push to do (and fail to do).
Hrm.. and also anger as protective energy, maybe can't let go of the anger until I feel more safe. 🤔
For me, anger motivates whereas depression stops you dead in your tracks. Neither is good, but its better to act than to give up. But that's just me. Anger has its consequences. It needs to be left behind in due course and replaced with something better.
I've found that for me its counter productive to to actively try to do something that I find inherently passive. Such things come with time and understanding, not effort or intent.
@vlrny @ShaulaEvans
Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.
~Arthur Ashe
Finest words I ever heard, words one can try and live by in every breath. If you have anger, joy, guilt, hope, fear...use it.
I am obviously biased, but I think my sons turned out to be very empathetic people and I believe part of that is their early and continual exposure literature that had female main characters along with lots of real life experience with other cultures ( India, Latino, and POC) and lifestyles (LGBTQ+).
Representation matters.
@Trenton_Hoshiko It warms my heart to hear this, Trenton. I think you're onto something.
I am deeply shaped by my parents' and extended family members' stories, too. It's a great form of intergenerational transfer of knowledge.
This is why I care so much about on screen and production team representation in pop culture, too.
Shaula Evans
HeliosPi
MostlyTato
Valerie Roney
Trenton Hoshiko | Filmmaker
Jennifer
Just Tom... 🐁