Shaula EvansMar 21

I know we all joke about passing around the same mutual aid $20 bill, but in a polycrisis world, it feels like there's also a parcel of moral support and caring that we pass around between people in different kinds of crisis and hardship, too. Everyone gets their turn to give and receive it (in my circles anyway). The reciprocity is much healthier & more comfortable than feeling like a constantly needy friend.

1/n

@LonelinessCorps

#Polycrisis #CovidIsNotOver #LonelinessCorps

Show threadShaula EvansMar 21

However, much like mutual aid, the people in my life who show up to support me the most (or at all) are typically in some kind of serious ongoing or acute hardship or crisis.

In contrast, the people in my life with the lightest loads and the most resources are the least supportive and most extractive. (I've cut most of those people out of my life as a survival choice because I truly can't afford them.)

2/n

Show threadShaula EvansMar 21

Cutting people out of my life who are too extractive, exploitative or otherwise too expensive / work against my survival is truly the most isolating part of my current life.

The physical isolation pales in comparison.

3/n

Show threadShaula EvansMar 21

I don't want to think that people have to go through hardship to develop empathy & compassion for others (or otherwise turn into good people). Hard times clearly don't effect everyone that way, but most of the best people in my life have been through awful things.

How do we make it possible for people to become good, caring people without putting them through hell? Sincere question. I'm always thinking about it.

If anyone has (constructive, non venting) thoughts, I'd love to hear them.

4/n

Show threadMostlyTatoMar 21
@ShaulaEvans
Its a good question, hard to answer. Making people care? I think such people would exist on a normal curve: a minority would never care, no matter what they experience, a minority up the other end would always care, without any personal trauma to initiate empathy.
The majority under the curve would suffer varying degrees of empathy. I've learned this: most people only tend to change when they are forced to due to circumstances.
I don't think there is a clear answer.
Show threadShaula EvansMar 21

@MostlyTato That distribution reminds me of the classic article Who Goes Nazi by Dorothy Thompson for Harper's Magazine in 1941.

https://harpers.org/archive/1941/08/who-goes-nazi/

Who Goes Nazi?, by Dorothy Thompson

Harper's Magazine
Show threadShaula EvansMar 21

@MostlyTato

> I don't think there is a clear answer.

My heart of hearts desperately wants to believe that there are multiple answers and they are just out in areas of expertise that I haven't encountered yet.

Show threadValerie RoneyMar 21
@ShaulaEvans @MostlyTato
It's only a part answer, but I think the people who have the ability to be kind to the vulnerable also know how to be kind to their own vulnerability.
So if there is some way to teach that self empathy (other than life kicking the 💩 outta ya) it would then easier to be present and to come alongside someone suffering.
Show threadShaula EvansMar 21

@vlrny @MostlyTato

> ...I think the people who have the ability to be kind to the vulnerable also know how to be kind to their own vulnerability.

Wow, Valery. 🤯

That's a really powerful insight.

(I would like to be more kind to my own various vulnerabilities -- it's a work in progress -- but at least I'm acutely aware thanks to experience that neither mine nor anyone else's are a result of moral failings, and that's a start.)

Show threadValerie Roney

@ShaulaEvans @MostlyTato ooo good point.

Bad things happen to good people.

I think there's a huge amount of denial around that. And if they don't victim blame then they'd have to consider they are vulnerable to bad things happening too.

As an aside I am profoundly grateful for the people who do have the skills and the heart to still be there within the hard stuff. This community sustains me.

Mar 21 at 9:26pmWeb