Mastodawn

Kore Nordmann Mar 18

I realised something recently, that just about all the advice my parents gave me about education, careers, housing and finances has been flat out wrong. All the advice they gave me about relationships, friendship, grieving and supporting someone grieving, has been really useful to me over the years. And I think that says something about what's important and unchanging about the human experience really, and how what current society tells us to focus on will become unrecognisable in a generation.

Melissa Aug 24, 2025

@afewbugs
I didn't get much advice, but society had so many unhelpful messages... What you said is exactly right.

kimu Aug 24, 2025

@afewbugs I think about this a lot, with a teenager. I already really didn’t feel like my advice for the future was super relevant and that’s just accelerated. Trying to stick to foundations like having empathy, making good trouble, and finding ways to help others, but lots of other stuff that just… not relevant. And I’m not sure how relevant my foundations are tbh.

Jules she/her Aug 24, 2025

@kimu "Just do your best, it's hard and I'm proud of you for trying" goes a long way I think

Yes, there an entire generation were brought up in a social democracy that no longer existed by the time they'd left school.

Deb Nam-Krane Oct 16

@afewbugs Best advice I've read--and not necessarily directed at me--isn't so much to "follow your bliss" as it is to be open-minded about what you can do with what you learn. That's the opposite of what everyone seems to be told, which is to start specializing, like, in high school.

Wulfy—Speaker to the machines Mar 18

@dnkboston @afewbugs

"A Man should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently and die gallantly. Specialization is for insects."

Gyrfalcon Mar 18

@n_dimension @dnkboston @afewbugs Robert Heinlein?

@afewbugs As someone from an excentric family, with not much future forecasting ("you won't have any inheritance, but you'll have degrees" dixit) I'm actually curious about the wrong advice you got, it you feel like sharing.
And the good advice too, of course!

Jules she/her Mar 18

@temptoetiam the wrong advice I think really came from my Dad's experience - he grew up on a council estate, went to Cambridge, walked straight into a civil service job in a completely different subject and then stayed in it for next 45 years apart from taking a few years off to work as a freelance translator which was his choice to try something different, not something he was forced to do. So that was sort of their model of how the world worked - you go to university and then you're set up for life.

Jules she/her Mar 18

@temptoetiam so there was no question I was going to university (don't get me wrong I'm glad I went because I discovered a lot of stuff I was interested in learning, but it would probably have been better if I'd gone a few years later when it was my own decision). I also wasn't allowed to have a job as a teenager so I could focus on studying to get to the good university that was going to set me up for life (although I did eventually manage to negotiate a couple of mornings a week cleaning a shop). In retrospect a job would probably have been quite helpful in teaching me how to do a job and also having my own money to manage.

Jules she/her Mar 18

@temptoetiam anyway to the surprise of no one but my parents university didn't set me up financially for life, in fact I caught academia and ended up doing a masters and starting a PhD which kind of did the opposite. Also they are very against the idea of debt, so when my Nan died my brother and I inherited some money from the sale of her house which they advised us to use to pay off our student loans. We did but would probably have been much better off using it as a deposit for a house

Jules she/her Mar 18

@temptoetiam and they're now absolutely determined I should be putting any spare money into my pension, which considering I'm putting my train pass on the credit card half the time and I strongly suspect pensions won't exist by the time I hit retirement age, hell I'm pretty sure the concept of retirement age won't exist, doesn't really make sense to me. Their advice worked well for them in a particular time period and set of circumstances, but those no longer exist

@afewbugs @temptoetiam

I understand your skepticism on pensions but it's worth considering a little early can have as much impact as a lot later.

An example for me: i spent 3yrs 1996-1999 in a job earning £12-£14k and paying 3% of that into a pension (private).

I then stopped until stakeholder pensions came in and spent 3 years 2004-2006 paying in 6% of £35-40k.

Both pots are worth more or less the same.

Worth it imho even if you can only afford a small amount each month

@afewbugs @temptoetiam future you will thank you if you can make it work (and it doesn't evaporate)

@afewbugs "I caught academia" :'D

NatalyaD Mar 18

@afewbugs I keep having to explain to my mum (age 75) that furniture is NOT expensive but rent/mortgages are MASSIVE. And that for 1-3 months' rent in most places, you could furnish an entire house with IKEA type stuff.

My mum is stuck in the early 70s, rent was cheap but places were grotty and furniture was £££. Mum and Dad had grocers' boxes and a wardrobe door as a table for months after moving in. Their first bed cost £££ and was an investment 'for life' (25yrs till the divorce).

@NatalyaD @afewbugs
I was told the same!
We finally managed to save up for a down payment, and we were told "make sure to budget about $10k for furnishing it". What?!?!?

We've lived in an apartment for 18 years and have everything we need already. I can get any other piece of furniture I'd want secondhand for less than $100. WTF would I spend $10k on?

@NatalyaD @afewbugs I think weve spent about 600 so far, mainly on a new mattress, some bookshelves, a folding craft table, and rain barrels. I can't imagine what else I'd even want.

NatalyaD Mar 18

@Artemis201
@afewbugs

We were lucky enough to be able to buy after long-term renting so we have installed A LOT of fixed shelving (house is small, Z axis needed)

My new-house spreadsheet says we spent £850 on storage total including Really Useful Boxes for cycling, electronics and tech stuff.

I guess if we include pre-new-house spend that might be £1000 total on storage in 5+ years.

Including the bed we built, mattresses & 2nd hand that's still way under £2000 in 23 years living together

NatalyaD Mar 18

Yep! I think even second hand furniture in the 70s was expensive in the UK at least. Whereas now I think the 2nd hand costs dropped because there is so much cheap mass produced stuff that is "trendy".

Much of our furniture is acquired from our families. My partner built our bed as a strange size (Euro King Size) which cost a few hundred pounds + a few mattresses.

Otherwise I think since 2003 we've bought 2x 4 chairs and 2x tables all 2nd hand all under £70 total.

Jules she/her Mar 18

@NatalyaD @Artemis201 in my experience second hand furniture is cheap or even free, it's the hiring the van to move it that's the cost but we've usually been lucky to find friend to go in with at the same time when we've needed to

NatalyaD Mar 18

@afewbugs @Artemis201

We were lucky our stuff was small in the past and we decided to get a big motability vehicle to fit STUFF in (partner rides recumbent bikes and a streamliner which is like a bike inside a canoe shell) so we can move big stuff like beds which we did for my mum when she did some 2nd hand buying and selling. We're roped in for more of that next week too.

Jules she/her Mar 18

@NatalyaD @Artemis201 but you can very easily furnish a house off Facebook marketplace, the things your friends are moving out and can't take with them and even random finds - there's a flat pack desk in the attic of our house that the previous owners left behind that we will some day figure out how to get down and assmble

NatalyaD Mar 18

@afewbugs @Artemis201

We're cheapskates for sure, but if stuff works and we can "keep it alive" safely, why would we throw it away or replace it.

My sister is Little Mrs Trendy and she replaces the entire house furnishings every few years, often with expensive, hideous AND uncomfortable stuff.

@NatalyaD @afewbugs @Artemis201 leather couches! Expensive and uncomfortable!

Totally agree about furniture.

@va2lam @NatalyaD @afewbugs 😂 you know what I do with leather couches?
I find them for free on marketplace, strip them for the leather, and use it for costuming.

Jules she/her Mar 18

@Artemis201 @va2lam @NatalyaD I've got a friend who strips second hand leather off furniture and things (the brown one was apparently an old shipping trolley). He's not on here but is on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/bobdeveyst?

@afewbugs @Artemis201 @va2lam @NatalyaD Nice. I've seen the Renn Faire crowd do this to make shoes, hats, drinking bags, and various cuir bouilli items.

@afewbugs @Artemis201 @NatalyaD love that upcycling!

CrazyDogLadySezPEACE Mar 18

@Artemis201 @va2lam @NatalyaD @afewbugs You genius you. 😍

Jules she/her Mar 18

@NatalyaD @Artemis201 it's also amazing what you can find for free https://social.coop/@afewbugs/114573849175537768

NatalyaD Mar 18

@afewbugs @Artemis201

I'm glad some dumps allow people to take 'working stuff' safely now.

My dad used to sneak stuff out of the tip (and skips at work) in the 80s, he rescued 6 dial-tune B&W TVs and got 3 of them to work long-term with v basic fixing skillz. Family friends, my Gran and we each had one of them running for decades after that.

I hate waste and wish people would give working unwanted stuff to somewhere it can be reused and reloved rather than letting it get wrecked.

@afewbugs @NatalyaD @Artemis201 It's also worth it to just go and talk with someone at the furniture stores. Often they have leftover stuff they just want to get rid of. I mean, new furniture that for some reason didn't fit exactly with a previous order, stuff like that. It's often worth it to have a look.

NatalyaD Mar 18

@bovaz @Artemis201 @afewbugs

My mum has a local charity 2nd hand furniture place that accepts donations and sells.

What they can't resell they dismantle and use the wood to build new stuff like planters etc. They employ and support volunteering from people who have been homeless and in prison I think.

They were SO kind to mum after stepdad died and she was scatty, prone to crying at random and generally acting weird. They carried stuff out to the car, advised her & were just sweet.

NatalyaD Mar 18

@bovaz @Artemis201 @afewbugs

I remembered something else we bought, partner's office chair £150ish 2nd hand (they were £800 new). I cheated a bit getting disabled students allowance to buy my chair and desk which were £2000 but are specifically disability costs cos it's a height adjustable one (honestly the best thing ever).

NatalyaD Mar 18

@bovaz @Artemis201 @afewbugs

Looks like they don't do the homeless/ex-prison workers but the project but are set up to help poor people people furnish homes

https://www.glossopdalefurniture.co.uk/

But they sell to anyone, so I think they do a mix of low-cost and social/other services can do referrals which is still very important.

Home

Sue Archer Mar 18

@NatalyaD @Artemis201 @afewbugs

As we contemplate selling our house and moving in the next year or so, we're often discussing what's worth taking, and what isn't, and a lot of furniture and appliances fall into the "easier not to take, and just replace cheaply second hand at the other end" category. We'll just donate what we can here, and take the minimum we need to be comfortable while we acquire 'new' stuff later.

NatalyaD Mar 18

@suearcher @Artemis201 @afewbugs

That makes perfect sense, and it means you can keep the stuff you know you definitely like, but get new-to-you stuff that is more suited to your new place and lifestyle.

I think my mum is going to end up living between houses and is trying to get rid of everything she doesn't care about to minimise storage hassle before her new place. Esp now she has the Glossop place to obtain replacement stuff if needed.

Alfred Chow - Maker of Things Mar 18

@NatalyaD @suearcher @Artemis201 @afewbugs
Many years ago I helped friends move from Yorkshire to north Scotland. I hired a 7.5 ton truck, loaded it full and drove it up there for them. Then drove it back empty.

When they were returning, they flew me from Manchester up to Inverness, where I picked up a 3.5 ton van, and moved them back south again.
The van was not full because they just sold most of their stuff and replaced it afterward they arrived south.
The van was one way hire and just needed to go to a local depot.

Their next move didn't even require my help.
______

Of our move, Sue and I are being brutal about what we are not taking.
I think we are even going to take new Ikea vacuum packed mattresses to save transport space, and leave our old ones behind.

NatalyaD Mar 18

@Maker_of_Things @suearcher @Artemis201 @afewbugs

I guess a lot comes down to whether furniture has sentimental value too. I think When It Was Expensive, it was often an heirloom almost, so had memories regardless of its financial value.

And I must admit I do like some of my inherited furniture and thinking "this was in my bedroom when I was a kid (AND it's useful now)".

I think my parents splitting up means I inherited stuff early when I was skint, that she no longer wanted.

Sue Archer Mar 19

@NatalyaD @Maker_of_Things @Artemis201 @afewbugs

Yes, we've got a few items of sentimental value, and a few more that are downright useful.

We totted up what furniture would be essential to have on Day One, and it's really very little. Beds, chests of drawers. Alfred's Mum needs her chair and a table to eat at. We're used to eating off our knees on our sofas, so we don't even need a dining table (although we have one that we got free, but never had the space to erect)

Jules she/her Mar 19

@NatalyaD @Maker_of_Things @suearcher @Artemis201 a lot of the older higher quality furniture doesn't fit in modern houses either. My parents moved with a huge solid wood wardrobe that belonged to my Gran, when they got to the new house (which was built in the 1960s) the movers discovered it didn't fit up the stairs. So it sat in the garage for years until eventually they wanted the space, discovered they couldn't sell it and eventually had to dispose of it as bulky waste through the council. I think the very high quality expensive furniture only worked in the days when you lived in one huge house for life, instead of having to move regularly

Alfred Chow - Maker of Things Mar 19

@afewbugs @NatalyaD @suearcher @Artemis201
This is very true.

When my ex wife and I moved from London to Manchester we found our old wardrobe wouldn't fit up the stairs in our rental house.
I ended up cutting the decorative cornice off the top, and feet off the bottom.

We also struggled moving our big 1930s sofa bed, and had to take out windows to get it in and out.
It was only after the third move that we found it could be taken apart and moved in bits! 😄

NatalyaD Mar 20

@Maker_of_Things @afewbugs @suearcher @Artemis201

I think back in the day all furniture was big/heavy and perhaps poorer people with less stable housing had less of it.

Now we have dismantelable furniture which is less big.

@NatalyaD @suearcher @afewbugs @Artemis201 @Maker_of_Things It's a shame that the intersection of 'good quality' and 'dismantleable' is fairly small.

When I made our euro-kingsize bed frame back in 2013, I designed it to be take apart into single-person-carryable pieces in a way that could be done repeatedly without wearing anything out (unlike the flatpack desks that are getting shonky after umpty house moves). You'd think that would be a compelling feature given the insecurity of housing, but I suppose disposably cheap wins if you don't know if you're even going to have space for it.

Quixoticgeek Mar 21

@kim @NatalyaD @suearcher @afewbugs @Artemis201 @Maker_of_Things I'm currently working on the design to make my own bed. Ability to break it down into sensible size parts (not least so it fits in the lift) is one of the key design requirements. But it's hard. Good looking design, and dismantleable is complicated.

Alfred Chow - Maker of Things 6d ago

@quixoticgeek @kim @NatalyaD @suearcher @afewbugs @Artemis201
Our bed is one I made from salvaged materials, mostly from mahogany '4x2's and two doors.
It breaks down into:
Headboard
Footboard
3No. long rails
2No. boards (Made from hollow core doors to go under the mattress)
4No. wedges

The only awkward part to move is the superking sized mattress.

I have abandoned the top part which made it into a four poster bed.

Sue Archer 6d ago

@Maker_of_Things @quixoticgeek @kim @NatalyaD @afewbugs @Artemis201

...and the newel post topper ball feet, which made it too high for short legged me to sit on comfortably. But which were handsome.

NatalyaD 6d ago

@suearcher @Maker_of_Things @quixoticgeek @kim @afewbugs @Artemis201

Yes, Kim planned our bed height carefully and it is higher than typical which was optimal for post hip surgery when I was allowed back upstairs.

Alfred Chow - Maker of Things 6d ago

@NatalyaD @suearcher @quixoticgeek @kim @afewbugs @Artemis201
My bed height was planned around the dog, I had then, not being able to get up onto it.

NatalyaD 6d ago

@Maker_of_Things @suearcher @quixoticgeek @kim @afewbugs @Artemis201

A counter design to the Sue short height challenge.