Mastodawn

Michele Feltman Strider 5d ago

"I enjoy life; I might almost say that with every year that passes I enjoy it more."

It took hours of searching Goodreads, but you finally found the perfect public-domain inspirational quote. You paste it into Google, select Chinese, and screenshot the translation. It'll make an epic tattoo. It's the perfect way to celebrate a birthday that ends in 0. Plus, it'll really show up your ex. Who's boring and predictable now? Not you. Not anymore.

You look in the mirror to decide where to get inked.

Arm

33.3%

Leg

18.5%

Chest

22.2%

Back

25.9%

Poll ended at Mar 18 at 12:00am.

Michele Feltman Strider

You arrive early for your appointment because you are reliable. Not predictable. Dependable.

You show the tattoo artist the characters you want on your arm. She looks skeptical, but as a veteran of many spring breaks, she agrees and goes to print a stencil.

She returns with it and two other people.

"This?" A slim, colorful woman holds up the design.

You nod.

"As was foretold?" asks a dark, burly man.

"Yes." You did call ahead.

"Do you hail from the North, South, East, or West?" he asks.

North

29.2%

South

18.8%

East

22.9%

West

29.2%

Poll ended at Mar 19 at 12:00am.

Michele Feltman Strider 3d ago

"The Great Northwest, actually."

"We've been expecting you," says the colorful woman.

OK. You made the appointment days ago.

"Summon the council," she tells the man, who rushes off. You didn't realize a tattoo required City Hall's approval.

"This way." She leads you through dark curtains into an incense-choked room. You give them high marks for ambience, though the candlelight seems insufficient to the task.

She gestures for you to lie on a stone table. "Choose a hue for the dedication!"

Blood red

8.5%

Night black

12.8%

Star white

4.3%

Infinity purple

74.5%

Poll ended at Mar 20 at 12:01am.

Michele Feltman Strider 2d ago

"Power to the purple!" you declare as you hop onto the table and point to your bicep. "Right arm!"

The woman bows with great reverence.

This is much cooler than you expected. You feel edgy, daring. It's the best birthday present you've ever given yourself.

The tattoo artist enters the room, along with a bank of fog and a mid-size coven of cloaked figures.

"Prepare the instruments!" the colorful woman commands, then turns to you. "Do you request chanting, silence, or a hymn for the ceremony?"

Chanting

21.2%

Silence

3.8%

Hymn

9.6%

Actually, I made a playlist just for this

65.4%

Poll ended at Mar 21 at 12:01am.

Michele Feltman Strider 1d ago

"...a cut from Lorde's Māori-language album, ending with Chappell Roan's The Giver." You describe your playlist in detail. The Colorful Lady masks a yawn and hands you the aux. Carly Rae Jepsen's voice fills the room. You bop along. The cloaked folks sway slightly.

The artist prepares your arm and places the stencil. It's a lot of characters. "Go big or go home," you think, and briefly consider the latter. But, no. You're cool now.

The C.L. turns to you. "Please lead us in an invocation."

Um.

Dearly beloved, we have gathered here today...

10.6%

Life is a mystery/Everyone must stand alone

27.7%

Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?

38.3%

Nants ingonyama bagithi baba

23.4%

Poll ended at 12:01am.

Michele Feltman Strider 1h ago

"Any way the wind blows. Doesn't really matter to me," you conclude, the room reverent silence. "To me."

The Colorful Lady smiles for the first time, her myriad tattoos... glowing? "Let's begin."

The candle flames brighten. Good. You felt it was a little dark in there. The fog bank starts swirling, which you're less keen on. The tattoo artist readies her instrument, a luminescent feather.

"To which of the Ancient Ones do you make this dedication? Cthulhu, Bahamut, or Thanatos?" the Lady asks.

	Cthulhu, because octopuses are cool
	Bahamut, because D&D is cool
	Thanatos, because Freudian psychoanalysis is cool
	Sorry, excuse me... What?

Poll ends at Mar 23 at 12:01am.

Gueule d'atmosphère 1h ago

@michelestrider
Cthulhu, because you dig a deity that will help with your non-Euclidean geometry homework.

Michele Feltman Strider 50m ago

@gueuledatmosphere That does sound handy

⠵⠻⠷⠕⠭ 🍥🍉⚪🌹36m ago

@michelestrider *checks intent of tattoo* *pours one out to the shadows*

Toast, Anonymous Fedi Fungus 17m ago

@michelestrider my therapist keeps telling me to read jokes and their relation to the unconscious. I don’t have time, so I picked Thanatos and called it close enough

Michele Feltman Strider 11m ago

@ShiitakeToast Perfect

Gueule d'atmosphère 1d ago

@michelestrider
There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold
And she's buying a stairway to Heaven

Toast, Anonymous Fedi Fungus 1d ago

@michelestrider

Thanatoid Jones 1d ago

@michelestrider 0 votes for Prince. I'm stunned.

Aaron Sawdey, Ph.D.1d ago

@ThanatoidJones @michelestrider yeah what is WRONG with people?!

@acsawdey @ThanatoidJones @michelestrider

Anyone can see
Nothing really matters
Nothing really matters to me

Mx. Luna Corbden 🐸18h ago

@michelestrider Mawwwage... mawwage is what bwings us togevew todawy.

Toast, Anonymous Fedi Fungus 2d ago

@michelestrider Acid Mothers Temple. One song is probably long enough for the whole tattoo.

Michele Feltman Strider 1d ago

@ShiitakeToast I had to Google. This is amazing!

Toast, Anonymous Fedi Fungus 1d ago

@michelestrider my favorite is Eleking the Clay. Perfect to get enough movement into your body to overcome the worst inertia

Michele Feltman Strider 1d ago

@ShiitakeToast I'll check it out!

Gueule d'atmosphère 3d ago

@michelestrider
Infinity Purple is to Deep Purple what Jefferson Starship is to Jefferson Airplane.

Michele Feltman Strider 3d ago

@gueuledatmosphere That sounds right

Toast, Anonymous Fedi Fungus 3d ago

@michelestrider Who’s not gonna pick purple?

Michele Feltman Strider 3d ago

@ShiitakeToast It's surprisingly popular. Power to the purple!

Thanatoid Jones 2d ago

@michelestrider @ShiitakeToast Right arm!

נחום Philoxenon וו.3d ago

@michelestrider Oh-oh

Parker Morse 3d ago

@michelestrider https://youtu.be/Zk15b2HJh2o

North, South, East and West

YouTube

Michele Feltman Strider 3d ago

@flashesofpanic Our story has a soundtrack!