You approach the bartender, who doesn't appear to be a clown.

"Seltzer with..."

You're immediately smacked in the face with a jet of fizzy water from an old-school seltzer bottle.

You should've seen it coming. That's on you -- along with a half-liter of water. The bartender grins. You dry off with a handful of cocktail napkins.

After two more drenchings, you manage a vodka soda and return to your seat.

A poker game starts up in the corner. A tall clown announces karaoke. Beer pong happens.

You squee internally. It's every birthday party of your childhood rolled into one. You giggle like a sugar-coated 5-year-old. You're hanging with clowns!

You turn to Rainbow Hair and start to ask, "Can you..."

She shuts you down with a snarl. "Off duty," she growls and squirts you in the face with her plastic lapel flower.

You turn to Rubber Chicken Guy and smile. "What's his name?"

"It's a rubber chicken, pal." He gives you a withering look, then starts doing card tricks.

You need a drink.