RE: https://beepboop.one/@Alexis/115996498846346328

#MovieThread VII: The Kino Awakens, Chapter Three — March Edition

From 2020 to 2025 I watched 2370 movies.
In 2026 so far I've watched another 70, for a total of 2440 movies.

This month:
* John McTiernan.
* Ninja Turtles, probably.

 Previous thread:

Starting John McTiernan, it's the movie "Nomadland" is not a sequel to, it's —

#71, or #2441, 1986's "Nomads."

It's the movie today best remembered for the "Seinfeld" episode of the same title where Elaine is the only person in town who hates it, leaving now for a screening of —

#72, or #2442, 1996's "The English Patient."

With this one I'm 8/10 for seeing this year's Best Picture nominees in the cinema, leaving now to go see —

#73, or #2443, 2026's "Sentimental Value."

With and after dinner, watched —

#74, or #2443, 2026 Netflix doc “Queen of Chess.”

Interesting story about a woman I knew nothing about. But it’s a shame it has to tell her story by focusing on her rivalry with a man. Do enjoy watching her crush these dudes, though, obviously.

As I understand it, this Brazilian Best Picture nominee is not about a secret agent, leaving now to go see —

#75, or #2445, 2026's "O Agente Secreto," or, "The Secret Agent."

It's the "Star Trek" movie that dares to ask, what if the "Star Trek" movies had a cast that actually liked being in the same room as each other, it's —

#76, or #2446, 1994's "Star Trek Generations."

#startrek #tng

The only one of this year's slate of Best Picture nominees I have to watch at home instead of in the cinema, it's —

#77, or #2447, 2025's "Train Dreams."

The conversation about this one has collapsed into "boy, they really whiffed it on this one," but that means there's a chance I can be contrarian just by having a good time, so, you know, still gotta see it, leaving now to go see —

#78, or #2448, 2026's "The Bride!"

Meant to go see this true story Tourette's drama before it became unexpectedly topical but never got around to it until what's probably the last screening, leaving now to go see —

#79, or #2449, 2026's "I Swear."

Yesterday was Pie Day. On a related note, it's —

#80, or #2450, 1999's "American Pie."

I know very little about this, except that it's one of those 90s teen comedies I didn't really understand the appeal of when I was the target audience, and also, I'm fairly certain he fucks the pie?
Everyone in this is either top-of-the-C-or-B-tier famous or was in nothing else you care about, no in-betweens.
I don't believe any of these gentlemen know what sex is.
I regret putting this on.
Why do they care so much about losing their virginity? Are they stupid?
You couldn't make this today because they'd run you out of Hollywood with torches and pitchforks.

"We must take a stand here and now! No longer will our penises remain flaccid and unused!"

just normal bro things to say

It's the classic love story. Boy meets pie...
He livestreamed her undressing, masturbating, and having sex, it immediately got her deported, and we the audience are meant to not want to kill him with rocks?
Every now and then a joke lands, but mostly the picture is as utterly alienating and confounding as it gets — it’s like watching actors meticulously recreate footage of alien mating rituals.
@Alexis this is what sex feels like to me, also

The Pursuit of Purple March? No. The Chase for Burnt Sienna November? Absolutely not. It's —

#81, or #2451, 1990 John McTiernan picture "The Hunt for Red October."

I guess Red October is a submarine.
Oh, it's Gates McFadden, Dr Crusher off TNG, as Mrs Jack Ryan. (And a young him from off 30ROCK as Jack Ryan.)
I assume Jack Ryan's one of those post-Indiana Jones professor heroes.
I know he's not Jack Reacher, because I had to look up which Jack R Tom Cruise played.
A lot going on here.
This is a movie that really, really, profoundly cares about, like, naval procedure and submarine logistics.
Tim Curry is here to play Guy Who Has To Accuse Connery of Something Without Saying It Out Loud. He sure does look like a guy who killed the political officer, because he killed the political officer.
They're all very stressed out about the Klingons' cloaking device— I mean, Red October's caterpillar drive.

The Americans have deduced Connery has gone rogue, and for what possible reason could a Soviet submarine captain possibly go rogue but to nuke America or its allies.

But Jack Ryan is the only guy in the room smart enough to remember Connery isn't Russian but Lithuanian, and for some reason this means he might be trying to defect to America instead.

Jack Ryan can't quite believe that the National Security Advisor is asking Jack Ryan to go do the Jack Ryan thing, because it's 1990 and he still has to take a moment to cross the threshold instead of just being launched over it like, say, Ethan Hunt.
Absolute murderers' row of a supporting cast, this. Sam Neill tenth billed. Courtney B. Vance thirteenth.

"And I will have a pickup truck. Or possibly even a... recreational vehicle."

the american dream

All this faffing about on submarines.
Finally, some inflatable rubber rescue boat action.
just two homies in their fishing submarine

It’s a tremendously well-made picture, and many of the ingredients here are things that should really add up to something I’d love, but it’s SO dense with naval and submarine procedure and lingo that it just becomes noise to my poor cartoonist’s brain.

Wanted to like it, didn’t quite connect to it.

@Alexis One of my favourite movies, actually. The submarine captains, especially the one playing Burt Mancuso of the USS Dallas, trained with actual sub captains to understand how it works.

It also shows the complete pointlessness of the cold war.

The origin of Jack Ryan is also portrayed here.

And finally, they killed Putin. He went after the US in real life for it.

@Alexis The book has some sincere geeking out on these topics, from before Clancy went full jingoistic shoot-em-ups.
@Alexis
In one book he was president...
@ddlyh According to Wikipedia, there were eight books where he wasn't President — and *eighteen* where he's President.
@Alexis
Huh. I read one must after he became president but I thought I remembered a resignation or something at the end? That was the one where China invades Russia who are somehow now a member of NATO (typical '90s plotline)...
@ddlyh Yeah, looks like the later writers, after Tom Clancy's death, give him a second term.
@Alexis Not to be confused with a red octopus, which is marine life.
@kurt Also not to be confused with red octane, which is gas that's on fire.

@Alexis I watched this movie, but only with a Film and 40s (Giant Bomb's old movie commentary podcast) commentary on it.

I should sync some more of those and upload them to torrent trackers.

@The_T Did you enjoy it? I'm finding it, uhhh, pretty dense with the submarine and navy talk.
@Alexis the commentary track helped a lot.
@The_T Yeah, either more distraction, like a commentary track, or less, like seeing it in the cinema, feels like it would help here.
@Alexis they should release podcast commentary tracks into theaters
@The_T When "Knives Out" came out, while it was still in theatres, Rian Johnson released a commentary track on his website specifically for listening to in the cinema. Went to the last screening just to sit there with my headphones on the whole time.
@Alexis yeah, but then you have to sync it yourself while the movie is going... I wanna rip the film's audio track and sync it by hand, then reencode it into the video. much easier.

Used to be all you needed for a Best Picture nominee was two guys and a chain gang for them to escape from, it's —

#82, or #2452, 1958's "The Defiant Ones."

From how everyone talks about this one it's one of those message pictures that tries to solve racism forever — the two guys are Tony Curtis and Sidney Poitier, and they gotta get along to thrive post-escape even though their ancestors are from different continents, can you imagine — which I'm sure has aged just delightfully.

"How come they chained a white man to a black?"
"Warden's got a sense of humour."

tell that warden that if he's gonna quit his day job it should be out of protest against the american prison industrial complex and not to try and make a career as a comedian happen

I would simply not be in a chain gang in the first place.

On account of I don't think those were ever really a thing here, but also even America, Land of the Chain Gangs, had basically stopped doing chain gangs by the late 1950s, so how would I end up in a chaing gang.

Now, I can see myself being a fugitive from the law, but I assure you, whatever I did, either I didn't do it or it wasn't wrong of me to do.

These are some beautiful central performances, honestly.

For how bare the premise is, and for how much I expected this to have aged inelegantly — being a sensible person who obviously abhors all racism, an old message picture about how racism is bad can sometimes be a little like throwing a candle at a campfire — this is honestly kind of beautiful. Everything here really works, and Poitier and Curtis are just doing all-timer work.

It doesn’t just have its heart in the right place, it’s got its actual movie in the right place, too. Holds up!

@Alexis It really is, I think, in the leads giving some of their best-ever work that keeps it effective.
@naga They both have clear arcs that they communicate deeply well through lived-in-feeling characters that never betray who they seem like they should be to get the message across. Great movie.

Ths seems like a movie for a yawny Wednesday where I'm not gonna do anything else, I understand it to be about Sean Connery doing doctor science in the jungle, but the title sure is a bit of a red flag, it's —

#83, or #2453, 1992 John McTiernan picture "Medicine Man."

Lorraine Bracco has been sent to the Amazon to go find Sean Connery, and she's as tough a bird as the time she's havin', as it were.

(Already you can tell this wants to be "Romancing the Stone.")

You don't get a lot of movies these days where the main character is introduced by them just being a massive, honking dickwad of a misogynist to their co-lead, do you.

*points at the "massive cultural change is completely possible, it just takes ten years to do it and another ten to get used to it" sign*

"You send me back on the basis of my gender. It's called sex discrimination."

ah it's a message picture about how women are people

@Alexis I remember my parents renting that movie when I was a kid! The zip lining left an impression on me. The sexism did not.
@blue The sexism really does completely get in the way of a lot of what I might otherwise really enjoy already.
@Alexis Dreaming of a White Christmas?
@Alexis My knowledge of this movie is all from the parody quest in RuneScape
https://runescape.wiki/w/Hunt_for_Red_Raktuber
Hunt for Red Raktuber - The RuneScape Wiki

Hunt for Red Raktuber is the second quest in the Penguin series. In it, the player attempts to infiltrate a penguin submarine, the Red Raktuber.

RuneScape Wiki
@Lady_Noremon As accurate an adaptation as I've ever seen.