I told my partner I was fluent in French on our first date. Five years later, we're moving to Lyon for his job. I've spent £2,000 on intensive tutoring in the last three weeks. I'm currently at 'The cat is under the table' level. I am terrified.
@fesshole I could have told him for you for £1,200 and taught you more than that myself. And I only did french for two weeks in school by accident

@sinvega @fesshole

Telling someone I was fluent in #french taught me never to #lie on your #resume.

I worked at an indie record store in the early 90s. We were that cool indie store like in #highfidelity (complete with music snobbery and attitude). And like most indies we sold "smoking accessories".

1/

@sinvega @fesshole

On Saturday nights, the #haitian field workers would be bussed into town to buy stuff and blow off some steam. A bunch of them came into the shop. My boss turns to me and says "ask Tree, he knows French."

Like every #ontario high school student, I had to take french up to grade 10. Unlike every #ontario high school student, I thought that practically made me fluently bilingual. So I said as much on my resume and then promptly forgot all about it.
2/

@sinvega @fesshole

So flash forward. These dudes know ZERO anglais. But the word "fumer" isn't hard to sus, neither was one of them flicking a zippo lighter and pointing at it, turning it upside down like it was empty. "Oh, you need lighter fluid. yea we got that." We figured it out (I even counted their change out in french), but it was _painfully_ obvious that I was nowhere close to fluent.

3/

@sinvega @fesshole

Cool boss tho, he never said anything about it, till I asked him years later when I had gone off the college. "Naw bro, I figured you learned a valuable lesson." Yes.

NEVER lie about ANYTHING on your RESUME.

4/4

@tezoatlipoca @sinvega @fesshole In fairness, even if you had been fluent in French you might have struggled with the accent not being familiar.