Cactuar Joe"...And that's it. Am... Am I still on? Is the cauldron still transmitting? Hello? You can turn this thing off now. Where's the End Call button?" #Monsterdon
Underwater pac man, okay #Monsterdon
Hhhgh. Everything in this movie is The Something OF Something, where Some Guy did Some Thing. #Monsterdon
I've played MMOs with better plots than this. Hell, I've played MMOs with fewer FETCH QUESTS than this fucking movie. #Monsterdon
"Now fuck off out of our sea." #Monsterdon
"Glouchester! Gout-ier! Global warming? What the hell was her name?" #Monsterdon
"It's a shield!"
Thanks, Eagle Eye. #Monsterdon
She's got a lot of dignity, huh. #Monsterdon
"It's GHASTLY!"
Actually I think it's Gengar. #Monsterdon
Herc needs the Flyswatter of Hephaestus #Monsterdon
That blank look. Yeah, me too lady. #Monsterdon
Minos just hangin' out in his own tomb. #Monsterdon
Everything in this movie is so anti-climactic. What should be serious twists just kinda land on-screen with a dull *thwap,* like a hunk of mud hitting plywood. #Monsterdon
Huh, potion of Xanadu. #Monsterdon
What does this have to do with ANYTHING? #Monsterdon
"There's something strange about this temple..."
You mean the visible chain link in the corner over there? #Monsterdon
*god* that was an awful entrance #Monsterdon
Oh no, Herc's one weakness! Nets! #Monsterdon
Tia Carrere? #Monsterdon
"I'm not dead! I'm getting better!" #Monsterdon
And our hero heroically strangles a woman #Monsterdon
I think the problem is they set up too many thunderbolts. They have to have a fight for each one, but they've got no time to develop any of them. They all fall flat. #Monsterdon
Jesus Daedelus, holster that thang. #Monsterdon
"Hercules cannot stand against Minos!"
Hercules has only killed Minos once, what makes him think he can do it again? #Monsterdon
"Okay well we're just gonna go, then." #Monsterdon
"Where does this lead?"
Where does what lead? Are we in this shot? I couldn't tell. #Monsterdon
okay sure that's great but none of this MEANS anything because the plot was conceived by a dipshit. #Monsterdon
Oh no, not Grouper! #Monsterdon
"We scientifically altered the course of her destiny."
Oh shut the fuck up. #Monsterdon
Father Time is the opening of The Venture Brothers. #Monsterdon
That Athena, always handing out shields. #Monsterdon
This movie is like a fundamentalist Christian, treating science like it's evil magic. #Monsterdon
"Watch THIS!"
♫Believe it or not, I'm walkin' on air~♪ #Monsterdon
Are these characters even on the same soundstage? #Monsterdon
Lamest Tron ever. #Monsterdon
HERC NOT MUNKEY #Monsterdon
Gotta admit, I'm actually kind of impressed they were able to make a film *less* comprehensible than the original film. I have no idea what's happening right now. #Monsterdon
Look, just fuck off into the sea of stars. #Monsterdon
Fuck off movie, you have earned *none* of the emotional payoff you are trying for here. #Monsterdon
She died as she lived, a transparent plot device. #Monsterdon
Huh??? What is all this shit? #Monsterdon
This whole movie is just the gods handing Herc successively bigger and more broken superpowers. #Monsterdon
sAvE mAnKiiiiiiiiiiNd #Monsterdon
Yeah yeah, that's Herc, once again caught betweeen two giganti-
Urania patron of your -- FUCK OFF WAKKO I'M SAYING IT --
Well. That made no fucking sense. #Monsterdon
Okay, well. I guess that ended. So before you leave, you know what time it is:
Was THE ADVENTURES OF HERCULES (1985) the WORST #Monsterdon movie of the year?
God yes, that made NO fucking sense
It wasn't that bad.
Poll ended at .
For my money, TAoH wasn't really a movie, it was just a bunch of individual scenes that happened to be leaning against each other. #Monsterdon
Just once I'd like a Hercules flick that doesn't try to turn Herc into some kind of paladin for Truth, Justice, and The Athenian Way. Show me the boozy Hercules who got assigned the Labors as penance after getting sloppy drunk and killing his own wife and kid. #Monsterdon
Nick@CactuarJoe bring ferrigno back for the oh brother where art thou
The Witch of Crow Briar@CactuarJoe it wasn’t so much released as someone knocked over the first scene and the rest fell like dominos
Rye@CactuarJoe this.
strangefour with the Pleiades@CactuarJoe It is amazing how on many technical levels that was a movie and competently made. But by every measure of quality or taste that was so garbage.
#Monsterdon #Hercules1985
#Monsterdon #Hercules1985
Bryan Howell@CactuarJoe Still better than Planet Earth.
@bryanhowell I stubbed my toe on a table leg last night and it was better than Planet Earth :p
Timothy Wolodzko@CactuarJoe but it has almost 3x the number of stars Melania has on IMDB 🥹
@tymwol Taking a cattle prod in the gut has more stars than Melania does :p