SnoopJI did not watch last week's movie so it's very nice of them to show all the effects set pieces from it at the top of this movie
✅ maiden turned into steam engine
dialogue is occurring
technically it was a Bechdel pass, though? so that's… something.
there's plenty of runtime left for the male gaze
Yea, about that. You gonna have any Hercules in your Hercules movie?
Retrieve my seven thunderbolds of exposition, Hercules!
okay I would say that it's kind of fast for him to find one of Zeus's thunderbolts, but there ARE seven of them, so I guess we need to be in a rush here
maybe having it just randomly show up the second he gets to Earth is a little under-cooked, though.
okay the dripping blood onto the skeleton is a pretty cool set piece
The Slime People
love getting flash-banged with a retro computer startup flashing screen every time Hercules throws a punch
[rotoscoping continues]
This is a real paint-by-numbers affair, huh?
pew
pew pew
Real "Quantity has a quality all its own"-ass movie we got going here, with how undercooked every single bit of action is so far
okay why would the moon falling kill the gods tho
you've explicitly *shown* us they live way up in space???
the LAST daughter of [whatever]?
um, well, that kinda takes the drama out of the earlier prediction that Urania would be the next sacrifice, if she was literally the only choice
it's fine, Hercules punched the monster of pure energy and it exploded
also, a thunderbolt was located. apparently.
I mean like, I do get it, you defeat a monster, you get a bolt
but the bolt is where the monster died isn't it?
maybe Zeus is just gonna reach down and grab it
this Zeus isn't very convincing. very patriarchal and actually-concerned, and not even the slightest bit "I will fuck anything with a consciousness and several things without"
okay the score is bringing me back in this bit's aight
I suppose it won't last, we need to get back to boring bullshit soon
Urania is absolutely tripping on that potion
character in the movie *also* being jump-scared by the bad editing-room effects
happy International Women's Day
yay, that shot looking up at Hercules's chest is enough for me to tick off "Gratuitous Muscle Scot"
Cool electric net, too
I'm having a real "Blindsight scramblers" moment over here
"who [was it]?"
"yes, while fighting the Amazons"
[proceeds as if this is in any way an answer]
these characters react as if they understand language, but I'm not entirely convinced
anyway, let's have our hero choke a woman to death with no setup
WHY IS DAEDALUS A GOD
WHY IS DAEDALUS A WOMAN
WHY DOES DAEDALUS HAVE A CODPIE—okay wait actually I can answer both of those questions with the same answer
this movie is failing to inspire much direct interest in me so I guess since I'm already thinkin about Daedalus I'll share a bit of snooplore:
I know the myth of Daedalus mostly because of Deus Ex, because I found the character of the same name to be so compelling (not that they're a deep character, mind)
thanks, Warren Spector et al.
what the fuck is going on
somehow, Minos returned
(at the risk of paying this movie a compliment: at least it bothered to explain how)
ANYWAY CUE THE ELECTRO-CICADAS IN THE SCORE
Glaucia is the Mediterranean Candidate
Oh okay Daedalus is not a god and is just… an alien from a 50s movie?
idk I feel like Minos is delivering lines that… belong to Daedalus?
this science-against-the-gods thing belongs in the mouth of Daedalus, not Minos!
it's a free upgrade to make Daedalus the big-bad in this one
Minos came to Daedalus for aid in building the Labyrinth to contain the Minotaur. He is *definitionally* more capable than the king.
the tale of Daedalus tells us (by way of Icarus) about hubris against the gods
you had to do so much more work to flip this shit on its head, resurrect Minos, then make him the villain
when Daedalus was right there
YOU EVEN GOT THE COSTUMING RIGHT BUT YOU GOT IT SO WRONG IN THE SCRIPT, GUYS
anyway cool Gundam fight between Minos and Hercules, I guess. I would have enjoyed it more if the script had sucked a lot less
RE: https://social.coop/@bitprophet/116196807686853673
Good job with tag discipline, #Monsterdon folks. It makes me feel nice that we're good enough fedi neighbors that people who want to opt-out for good can do so!
Proud of y'all 
GROW HERCULES
GROW
and that's how Uranus was born
Hercules fucks off back into space (but like, being a constellation, so even MORE fucking off into space than going to Olympia, which is in space)
that was one of the movies of all time
I do really like the theme's use of silent measures
it's not sophisticated scoring, but they don't over-use that bit of the theme so it's genuinely novel to hear it
I just kinda like when composition uses silence effectively
Luigi Cozzi making GODZILLA (1977): nobody ever gonna forget the name of Luigi Cozzi. oh! I'm gonna make a movie about it
well, you're not wrong pal, people *are* going to remember this work you're about to excrete onto the market
by the way here was my #MonsterdonBingo card for THE ADVENTURES OF HERCULES. I can probably mark a few more of these but eh, I don't see any justifiable bingo that matches my personal watching experience
Dr. Serizawa famously the kind of man who would have an assistant working with him
Watching an Italian Guy's idea of an American Guy watching the events of GOJIRA (1954) and also some snuff footage, the GODZILLA (1977) experience
okay this is where I admit I haven't seen GODZILLA: KING OF THE MONSTERS! (1956) so some of my disorientation here is the rewriting of the story that is at the core of *this* version of the movie
so some of my "WTF" is really attributable to the American cut of the original film, and some of it lies with Signor Cozzi's reinterpretation of same
"reporter was there" is not a bad way to re-spin a film for a different audience at the time of the original film, and by 1977 Toho was well-aware of the value of their brand, so they had no strong compulsion to sell off the original film, I'm sure
oxigione destruccione
the military march part of a Godzilla movie is a hard thing to resist enjoying
it's just such a good theme
anyway, time for an extended sequence of real wartime sub-hunting footage cut together
distributors apparently would not touch a movie that was any shorter than 90 minutes, so Cozzi had to pad the runtime of the American cut of the original film
"he's as tall as a 30-story building"
[cuts to footage of Godzilla next to power lines for a very well-deifned scale reference]
film-making!
GOJIRA (1954) is such a moving film that even this cough-syrup recut is not able to suppress the chilling power it contains
cutting in WWII footage does make the failure of the military to respond to Godzilla more prominent
like yea guys, AA into the clouds is not very effective with a kaiju who is decidedly not up in the clouds
David Zaslavsky@SnoopJ wait did you mean the 1957 French remake, or the 1954 original?
bobert@SnoopJ It's the magazine publishing building. They get at least 30 stories out a month. #monsterdon #wrongfrogs #humorismypassion
rk: it’s hyphen-minus actuallyThe power lines were very tall, you see.
🦆🦆 J Riley 🪿@SnoopJ PRO-TIP: make most of your movie slow motion so you can hit the 90 minute runtime
#monsterdon #monsterdondoublefeature #godzilla1977 #cozzilla
@SnoopJ that explains a lot
Asta [AMP]@SnoopJ “sure, maybe some things I saw in that movie meant I’d have a bingo, yeah. But did that movie deserve a bingo? No.”
Brad@SnoopJ Luigi Cozzi co-wrote the latter 2/3rds of Dario Argento’s animal trilogy, but he also directed his own movies, so, it;s impossible to say if hes bad or not
KSHernandez ♊(she/her/they)