SnoopJYea, about that. You gonna have any Hercules in your Hercules movie?
Retrieve my seven thunderbolds of exposition, Hercules!
okay I would say that it's kind of fast for him to find one of Zeus's thunderbolts, but there ARE seven of them, so I guess we need to be in a rush here
maybe having it just randomly show up the second he gets to Earth is a little under-cooked, though.
okay the dripping blood onto the skeleton is a pretty cool set piece
The Slime People
love getting flash-banged with a retro computer startup flashing screen every time Hercules throws a punch
[rotoscoping continues]
This is a real paint-by-numbers affair, huh?
pew
pew pew
Real "Quantity has a quality all its own"-ass movie we got going here, with how undercooked every single bit of action is so far
okay why would the moon falling kill the gods tho
you've explicitly *shown* us they live way up in space???
the LAST daughter of [whatever]?
um, well, that kinda takes the drama out of the earlier prediction that Urania would be the next sacrifice, if she was literally the only choice
it's fine, Hercules punched the monster of pure energy and it exploded
also, a thunderbolt was located. apparently.
I mean like, I do get it, you defeat a monster, you get a bolt
but the bolt is where the monster died isn't it?
maybe Zeus is just gonna reach down and grab it
this Zeus isn't very convincing. very patriarchal and actually-concerned, and not even the slightest bit "I will fuck anything with a consciousness and several things without"
okay the score is bringing me back in this bit's aight
I suppose it won't last, we need to get back to boring bullshit soon
Urania is absolutely tripping on that potion
character in the movie *also* being jump-scared by the bad editing-room effects
happy International Women's Day
yay, that shot looking up at Hercules's chest is enough for me to tick off "Gratuitous Muscle Scot"
Cool electric net, too
I'm having a real "Blindsight scramblers" moment over here
"who [was it]?"
"yes, while fighting the Amazons"
[proceeds as if this is in any way an answer]
these characters react as if they understand language, but I'm not entirely convinced
anyway, let's have our hero choke a woman to death with no setup
WHY IS DAEDALUS A GOD
WHY IS DAEDALUS A WOMAN
WHY DOES DAEDALUS HAVE A CODPIE—okay wait actually I can answer both of those questions with the same answer
this movie is failing to inspire much direct interest in me so I guess since I'm already thinkin about Daedalus I'll share a bit of snooplore:
I know the myth of Daedalus mostly because of Deus Ex, because I found the character of the same name to be so compelling (not that they're a deep character, mind)
thanks, Warren Spector et al.
what the fuck is going on
somehow, Minos returned
(at the risk of paying this movie a compliment: at least it bothered to explain how)
ANYWAY CUE THE ELECTRO-CICADAS IN THE SCORE
Glaucia is the Mediterranean Candidate
Oh okay Daedalus is not a god and is just… an alien from a 50s movie?
idk I feel like Minos is delivering lines that… belong to Daedalus?
this science-against-the-gods thing belongs in the mouth of Daedalus, not Minos!
it's a free upgrade to make Daedalus the big-bad in this one
Minos came to Daedalus for aid in building the Labyrinth to contain the Minotaur. He is *definitionally* more capable than the king.
the tale of Daedalus tells us (by way of Icarus) about hubris against the gods
you had to do so much more work to flip this shit on its head, resurrect Minos, then make him the villain
when Daedalus was right there
YOU EVEN GOT THE COSTUMING RIGHT BUT YOU GOT IT SO WRONG IN THE SCRIPT, GUYS
anyway cool Gundam fight between Minos and Hercules, I guess. I would have enjoyed it more if the script had sucked a lot less
RE: https://social.coop/@bitprophet/116196807686853673
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GROW HERCULES
GROW
KSHernandez ♊(she/her/they)