Mastodawn

For those of you not terminally online, I bring you news of an escalating hamburger CEO war, which started with the CEO of McDonald's doing a video that went viral of him eating their new burger, which he called 'product', took a tiny nibble of and appeared not to enjoy it. The the King (Burger King) got involved and did a similar video where the CEO took a hearty bite out of one of their Whoppers. I regret to inform you that (sir this is a) Wendy's CEO has now got involved and done a video of him demolishing a burger then dipping fries in milkshake and consuming with gusto. What is next? John Eckbert, the CEO of 5 guys Meg Ryan When Harry Met Sally orgasming over their premium burger? The KFC Colonel doing a Man Vs Food with whatever it is they sell in those buckets? Calm down, CEOs. We know you eat alfalfa and sleep in bacta tanks - stop trying to human.

@TheBreadmonkey Next, I'd like to see Barry, the bloke who runs the burger van in a layby actively fucking one of his burgers, wincing with delicious agony as the hot grease scalds his glistening phallus.

Or something.

@DJDarren this was a splendid toot to find without context

@TheBreadmonkey

@mothninja You're welcome. @TheBreadmonkey

@mothninja @DJDarren @TheBreadmonkey eh?!!

@DJDarren @TheBreadmonkey Barry has a food hygiene rating of 🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆

@Nickiquote @TheBreadmonkey Should it negatively affect your rating if that's why people specifically visit your establishment?

Asking for, well, me.

RolloTreadway Mar 5

@DJDarren @TheBreadmonkey Is 'Barry fucks the burgers' the new 'Burt fucks the bees'?

Piers Cawley Mar 5

@DJDarren @TheBreadmonkey frankly, Darren, the mental image is already too much!

Greem (Graeme. Not Graham!)Mar 5

@DJDarren @TheBreadmonkey let's see what's happening on the Fedi WHAT THE FUCK?

Darren. Honestly.

@greem @TheBreadmonkey You wouldn't get *that* over on Xitter.

Primarily because I'm not on there any more.

@DJDarren @greem @TheBreadmonkey weird cos out of context, "the hot grease scalds his glistening phallus" could be a metaphor for elon's nazibarsite

0xC0DEC0DE07EA Mar 5

@DJDarren @TheBreadmonkey it’s almost impressive that we got here without making a stop over to the Arby’s CEO pretending to fellate one of their roast beef sandwiches.

@c0dec0dec0de @TheBreadmonkey He's lubricating his anus as I type.

@DJDarren @c0dec0dec0de @TheBreadmonkey

I feel like we have very different ideas of what "fellating" means

@gbargoud @c0dec0dec0de @TheBreadmonkey If you haven't fellated with your anus, you haven't fellated at all.

ʙᴇɴ ᴄᴏᴛᴛᴇяɪʟʟ Mar 5

@DJDarren @TheBreadmonkey I’d like Sue to eat one of her burgers with all the fag ash she’s dropped on the hot plate.

eestileib (she/hers)Mar 5

@DJDarren @TheBreadmonkey

This is what I came to Mastodon for, you have sent me off to do actual important shit with a smile on my face.

🫡

@DJDarren @TheBreadmonkey

special sauce:

https://beige.party/@amiserabilist/116171865729967127

paul (@[email protected])

@TheBreadmonkey @[email protected] https://beige.party/@amiserabilist/115276909599378460 #eggcorn i will always think of ben's saucy jizz when i think of sausages now. can i get a hot semen roll please?

beige.party