BenFor those of you not terminally online, I bring you news of an escalating hamburger CEO war, which started with the CEO of McDonald's doing a video that went viral of him eating their new burger, which he called 'product', took a tiny nibble of and appeared not to enjoy it. The the King (Burger King) got involved and did a similar video where the CEO took a hearty bite out of one of their Whoppers. I regret to inform you that (sir this is a) Wendy's CEO has now got involved and done a video of him demolishing a burger then dipping fries in milkshake and consuming with gusto. What is next? John Eckbert, the CEO of 5 guys Meg Ryan When Harry Met Sally orgasming over their premium burger? The KFC Colonel doing a Man Vs Food with whatever it is they sell in those buckets? Calm down, CEOs. We know you eat alfalfa and sleep in bacta tanks - stop trying to human.
Oh no it really is snowballing. Some company called A&W is now also in on the action and it is..... not good. I would advise this person against making this video from a PR perspective. Telling everyone that the star of the show is the lettuce which is green and then going on about teen sauce. This has got to be a joke, no?
Paper Moon@TheBreadmonkey what a sad little man. I hope he doesn't have teenage children who would be embarrassed by this. It would be hell for them at school if other kids saw it.
Nick@TheBreadmonkey This is a deliberate parody and exaggeration of things the McDonalds guy said, except for the teen sauce. Fuck knows what that is about.
@TheBreadmonkey Smells Like Teen Sauce.
Michael Porter@Nickiquote @TheBreadmonkey Axe and hormones? 😄
Fishercat@Nickiquote @TheBreadmonkey It's made from freshly squoze teens.
@Fishercat @TheBreadmonkey As a teen I was almost always freshly squoze.
David Cohen
Tirrimas 
🚫👑
Sarah
That Old Guy with the Beard@TheBreadmonkey They guy in the advert is the longtime spokesman for the Canadian A&W Restaurants’ TV adverts. This is an actual fast food outlet that exists in both the USA and Canada. A&W is famous for its root beer, as well as its burgers. For decades (like, right after WWII) the have sold burgers of various sizes and named based on family members. Papa, Mama, and Baby hamburgers; plus, yes, the Teen Burger. That one has bacon. Papa has two patties of hamburger and the Mama has something different; who cares?
“The Teen Burger; get it while you can” is… well… inappropriate in today’s news cycle, but I can think of ways they could make it worse than this already shows.
“Get a Teen Burger for yourself, but don’t tell anyone!”
“Grab a Teen Burger today! There’s no guilt!”
“Give into your craving for a Teen Burger today! You deserve it!”
And so on.
‘Thank God it wasn’t worse than it was’ is what I’m saying here.
@IanAMartin @TheBreadmonkey I love their root beer. Had no idea they did burgers.
@davidbcohen @TheBreadmonkey Fries! Onion rings! Floats! Deep fried zucchini! More!
ClickyMcTicker@TheBreadmonkey Name of their burger/sauce aside, I actually thought that was an amusing parody. Now I need to see that original video.
Paul Chambers🚧@TheBreadmonkey A&W is one of the original fast food chains in the US. Goes back to 1919. They make their own root beer in each restaurant.
At one point, there were more A&W's than McDonalds then it got sold to Wall Street and private equity and over the years, they did what they do and destroyed the business.
Now they are paired up with Long John Silver's, fish and seafood, another American staple that Wall Street got a hold of and destroyed...
Bez Lightyear@paul @TheBreadmonkey Shit, I just realised A&W was the root beer brand that we used to get at the local "American Diner". Loved that antiseptic medicine tasting stuff...
Cowboy Who?@paul @TheBreadmonkey Still big in Canada though.
@CowboyWho Looks like it was spun off in 1972 in Canada and seems to be operated responsibly, and not at the whims of investment houses, considering it is the second largest chain there, behind McDonald's still today.
Stephen Darlington@TheBreadmonkey To even joke that lettuce is the star of any meal is beyond the pale.
🇨🇦 Little-k@TheBreadmonkey
Some A&W have a breakfast menu where you can get a standard North American breakfast that pretty damn good.
Some A&W have a breakfast menu where you can get a standard North American breakfast that pretty damn good.
May Likes Toronto@TheBreadmonkey The Canadian A&Ws are so much better. Not even the same company. That burger looks like shit.
George Liquor, American
Catbrainz 🇱🇧🇦🇲🏳️🌈@TheBreadmonkey yes it's obviously 100% a joke poking fun at the McDonald's ceo. The "teen" part is because A&W's burgers are named after family members, mama, papa, uncle, teen and the buddy which is their smallest burger, but they're currently having a promotion on the "teen". It's a well loved Canadian fast food chain and their burgers are pretty good for the category they're in 😅
mtc_uk@catbrainz @TheBreadmonkey
#notjustcanadian
Here in Vermont, ours opens up every spring and stays open until late autumn. It's set up as an old-fashioned drive-up: you park, the waitress comes out and takes your order, and later brings the tray out to hang on your car window. (Yes, I know, cars. It's America.)
#notjustcanadian
Here in Vermont, ours opens up every spring and stays open until late autumn. It's set up as an old-fashioned drive-up: you park, the waitress comes out and takes your order, and later brings the tray out to hang on your car window. (Yes, I know, cars. It's America.)
@mtconleyuk @TheBreadmonkey is it the same A&W as in Canada? I read a while ago that the A&W franchise had split in two at some point and that the American one is very different.
@catbrainz @TheBreadmonkey
Oh, I have no idea. Could be. But ours does have a PapaBurger (haven't noticed the other family members); so there's some similarity, at least.
Oh, I have no idea. Could be. But ours does have a PapaBurger (haven't noticed the other family members); so there's some similarity, at least.
I love this!
Michael@TheBreadmonkey A&W burgers and root beer are an institution in parts of Canada. I remember as a child, going to their drive-in restaurants with family. The servers would come to your car window, take your order, then deliver your meal on a tray that clipped onto the window. But the Teen Burger is actually pretty decent. They try to use quality ingredients, and they were one of the first burger joints to offer the Beyond Meat burger. And their onion rings are nice.
Phil Haigh@TheBreadmonkey Fast Food CEO vs Food is the new YouTube channel I’m here for.
@TheBreadmonkey “In round two the CEOs will be given a product from a rival in anonymised packaging and scored on how well they identify the brand and the product. Let’s hope we don’t have another milkshake mistaken for ketchup like last week, huh?”
Wulfy—Speaker to the machinesIn round three, we combine "Will it blend?" with "Country mechanics" and see which lunch product meal tray emulsified will drive a diesel tractor furthest.
DJDarren@TheBreadmonkey Next, I'd like to see Barry, the bloke who runs the burger van in a layby actively fucking one of his burgers, wincing with delicious agony as the hot grease scalds his glistening phallus.
Or something.
Anna@DJDarren this was a splendid toot to find without context
@mothninja You're welcome. @TheBreadmonkey
Gary 
@DJDarren @TheBreadmonkey Barry has a food hygiene rating of 🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆
@Nickiquote @TheBreadmonkey Should it negatively affect your rating if that's why people specifically visit your establishment?
Asking for, well, me.
RolloTreadway@DJDarren @TheBreadmonkey Is 'Barry fucks the burgers' the new 'Burt fucks the bees'?
Piers Cawley@DJDarren @TheBreadmonkey frankly, Darren, the mental image is already too much!
Greem (Graeme. Not Graham!)@DJDarren @TheBreadmonkey let's see what's happening on the Fedi WHAT THE FUCK?
Darren. Honestly.
@greem @TheBreadmonkey You wouldn't get *that* over on Xitter.
Primarily because I'm not on there any more.
rob@DJDarren @greem @TheBreadmonkey weird cos out of context, "the hot grease scalds his glistening phallus" could be a metaphor for elon's nazibarsite
0xC0DEC0DE07EA@DJDarren @TheBreadmonkey it’s almost impressive that we got here without making a stop over to the Arby’s CEO pretending to fellate one of their roast beef sandwiches.
@c0dec0dec0de @TheBreadmonkey He's lubricating his anus as I type.
George B@DJDarren @c0dec0dec0de @TheBreadmonkey
I feel like we have very different ideas of what "fellating" means
@gbargoud @c0dec0dec0de @TheBreadmonkey If you haven't fellated with your anus, you haven't fellated at all.
ʙᴇɴ ᴄᴏᴛᴛᴇяɪʟʟ@DJDarren @TheBreadmonkey I’d like Sue to eat one of her burgers with all the fag ash she’s dropped on the hot plate.
eestileib (she/hers)This is what I came to Mastodon for, you have sent me off to do actual important shit with a smile on my face.
🫡
paulpaul (@[email protected])
@TheBreadmonkey @[email protected] https://beige.party/@amiserabilist/115276909599378460 #eggcorn i will always think of ben's saucy jizz when i think of sausages now. can i get a hot semen roll please?
tootbrute@TheBreadmonkey america is not ok guys.
kopio@TheBreadmonkey Does KFC USA have Zinger burger?
John - 🎞️ Film Nerd 🎞️@TheBreadmonkey We can't judge the battle of the burger CEOs until the final big player makes his video available.
calciusThe Wordl Wide Symbol of Eating Pleasurefrom a different time when visiting a house with Blue Nun Liebfraumilch served with pineapple and cheddar chunks on cocktail sticks was a considered posh fare.
@calcius @TheBreadmonkey My 6th birthday was at a Wimpy. The main memory was seeing the staff member downstairs, we were upstairs on a balcony area, trying to get the Wimpy mascot costume on.
Also, the restaurant gave me a Wimpy kite. It was an elongated hexagon of plastic with two wooden dowl rods. You had to cut out four squares in the plastic and stick on the rods yourself and supply your own string.
It worked but the plastic ripped the afternoon I built it with grandad.
@UKFilmNerd @calcius @TheBreadmonkey That kite story is an apt metaphor for the whole Wimpy experience. Initially exciting, but ultimately disappointing in crap British way
Andy Price@TheBreadmonkey I'm gonna guess that none of the videos showed any food being eaten and swallowed in one unedited take
millennial fulcrum@TheBreadmonkey 😂😂 amazing.
here are 2 facts coming up in this charade:
1. the McDoland guy circles back around and straight up American Pie's the fuckin burger. that's obviously a given, and he doesn't have a choice.
2. the winner will be the first CEO to die from a coronary event induced by such a stunt. not the first one into a coma, or the first one to die at all. specifically the first whose will to win exceeds their will to live, on camera. my money says it's a KFC double-down scenario.
Bytebro 🇬🇧 🇺🇦 🇬🇱Up there with the British minister (can't remember, sorry) who had their own kid eat a burger live on interview during the BSE crisis 25yrs ago. 'See? Perfectly safe!'