wasabi brainMar 5
Chris Fletch
If you’re holding a hot dog and the person you’re talking to is crying, how long do you have to wait to take a bite?
Mar 4 at 11:20pmWeb
Show threadJake in the desertMar 4
@HailsandAles 😂🤣😂
Show threadbazkie 👩🏼‍💻 bitplanes 🎵Mar 4
@HailsandAles what do you mean wait
Show threadDaveKazMar 4
@HailsandAles are you George Costanza? Is this some lost Seinfeld plot?
Show threadsurdfishMar 4

@HailsandAles

If you offer them a bite first (they almost never accept), you won't have to wait.

Show threadChris FletchMar 4
@surdfish
Show threadmillennial fulcrumMar 5
@surdfish @HailsandAles 🤣🤌
Show threadwoe2youMar 4
@HailsandAles They'll only cry more if you bite them.
Show threadCrankyOldBugger Mar 4
@HailsandAles if your hotdog goes cold because you waited too long, then there will be two people crying.
Show threadslotekMar 5
@HailsandAles A one-armed hug is still a hug.
Show threadBrian NicarMar 5
@_slotek_ @HailsandAles Man, I'm sorry, but I think you have to trash the hot dog. Nearly same dilemma, days a go...
Show threadslotekMar 5
@wendigo @HailsandAles Was it a taco-related incident? Those can be really tricky.
Show threadBrian NicarMar 5
@_slotek_ @HailsandAles Ha! Nope!
Show threadGarethMar 5
@HailsandAles @ash One sympathetic nod and a noise of understanding. Then you can eat the hotdog.
Show threadMarcusMar 5

@HailsandAles

Half their age, plus 7. In minutes.

Show threadMike McCaffreyMar 5
@HailsandAles @Binder Pretty sure you are obligated to offer them the hot dog first.
Show threadscrottie (he/him/them)Mar 5
@mikemccaffrey @HailsandAles @Binder "may I offer you a topologically ambagious sandwich in this trying time?"
Show threadWombatadonMar 5
@mikemccaffrey @HailsandAles @Binder if they're crying, I'm pretty sure a hot dog won't help.
However...
You can offer them yours, saying, I'll go and get another. Helps assuage any guilt about taking your hot dog.
Show threadVerđandi K SoldustyMar 5

@HailsandAles
Take a bite of what?
The person or the hotdog? 🤔
If, the person, will you be feeding them / letting them eat the hotdog first? 🤷

On the other hand, eat hotdog using hand A & hug person (assuming friend or related & appropriate) with hand B.

Show threadmillennial fulcrumMar 5
@HailsandAles 😂😂
Show threadaethervisionMar 5
@HailsandAles Depends on why they were crying. If it’s because they really wanted a hot dog and didn’t have one, I’d distract them to think there was something scary behind them and then eat the hot dog while they were turned around.
Show threadFlesh & bone by the telephoneMar 5
@HailsandAles That depends. Why are they crying? Is it because it was their hot dog? If so, you'd better hurry. Don't give them a chance to get it back.
Show threadsteeph   🎆 ٩(˘◡˘)۶Mar 5
@HailsandAles After just a few minutes you'll be holding a lukewarm dog and the question will no longer be applicable; ergo solved.
Show threadJordi (Tubal Hippy)Mar 5

@HailsandAles

There are two schools of thought on this subject. Regarding the first, you should wait approximately two minutes into their crying before quickly and savagely biting into the hot dog and consuming it. The other is to begin immediately, but draw it out over the course of 30 or so seconds. Really play up the slo-mo effect until it's clear that you have disdain for them and their emotions. Happy trails.

Show thread𝒜𝓁𝒾⋆ ♡⃛Mar 5
@HailsandAles that made me lol
Show threadDan Kletter 🥑Mar 5
@HailsandAles I think as a gesture of concern you have to offer to share the hot dog or risk the dog trying to snatch it.
Show thread🐕Mar 5
@HailsandAles I think if you immediately give them a hug you can then eat it over one shoulder
Show threadCMar 5
@HailsandAles no wait just eat it
Show threadargonautMar 5
@HailsandAles @tayfonay as long as you possibly can for your own good, because biting them will probably make them cry longer and perhaps even harder…
Show threadShadowMar 5
@HailsandAles a nanosecond.
Show threadShadowMar 5
@HailsandAles time each bite with their sobs.
Show threadAlexMar 5
@HailsandAles I am a dirtbag and probably am hungry so I'm going to eat that hot dog.
Show threadtlarivMar 5

@HailsandAles
It depends which stand the dog is from and how attached I am to the person.

If it's a fascist and there's not enough celery salt on the dog those tears might just come in handy.

Show threadKanaMaunaMar 5

@HailsandAles

Offer them the hot dog. If they refuse, chomp away.

Show threadIlka 🌐Mar 5
@HailsandAles depends on why did you make them cry. If it is your 4 year old starving after you picked them up from kindergarden, you better give them your hot dog, if it is an abusing racist/fascist/MAGA idiot & you told him off & kicked him in the nuts, munch away & laugh.
Show threadRyan FinnieMar 5
@HailsandAles Maintain eye contact with a neutral expression while you listen to them, while slowly bringing the hot dog up to your mouth.
Show threadJeffreyMar 5
@HailsandAles
Considering a hot dog is 3 bites for me, the harder they cry more likely I'm finishing my hot dog
Show threadjabsonikMar 5
@HailsandAles @jonne The whole time it takes to slowly lift the hot dog into your mouth while intensely staring straight in the crying person’s eyes.
Show threadAxel HartmannMar 5
@HailsandAles OT - your HDR profile pic is messing with the color scaling of the whole screen (Ice Cube app on iOS). Overall not nice to look at, but cool hack.
Show threadChris FletchMar 5
@axel_hartmann I don’t even know what this means. It is not intentions and looks normal on my client
Show threadDave FischerMar 5
@HailsandAles The traditional answer is to say "OH MY GOD!" while pointing behind them. When they turn to look, eat.
Show threadDarth Hideout 🏳️‍🌈Mar 5
@HailsandAles See, I'd just stuff the whole thing down to free my hands, then empathy.
Show threadTim HergertMar 6

@HailsandAles I believe that, according to Emily Post's Etiquette:

There is no minimum or maximum time to wait before consuming a hot dog in this scenario - so long as you maintain eye contact to assert dominance

Show threadNick Selby Mar 6
@HailsandAles 5 seconds for each year you’ve known them.
Show threadAllan ChowMar 6
@HailsandAles you give them the hot dog
Show threadAndy Linton 🇮🇪  ✅Mar 6

@HailsandAles

It's unacceptable to bite someone who is crying.

Show threadKaren D 🇨🇦Mar 6

@HailsandAles

Meanie! Give them back their damn hotdog.

Show threadDamonHDMar 12

@HailsandAles

1) Is it their hot dog and will they stop crying if you give it back? - if so do so and don't bite at all.

2) If the person crying is the one serving you the hot dog then providing you've paid and it's a chopped onion issue only - no delay.

Other consultancy and diplomacy services are available from me at the rates on my card.

Show threadNealMar 12
@HailsandAles wait until they wipe their eyes and they’re not looking