Linus Hagemann
Jordan Maris 🇪🇺 🇺🇦 #NAFOI often hear Americans & rich brits justify buying oversized, polluting vehicles by claiming they need them because they live in the "countryside".
I call bullshit, Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to introduce, the Citroen C15⬇
I grew up in highly rural France: 30 mins to nearest supermarket, many unpaved roads, really tough winters. And yet I rarely ever saw SUVs or Pick-Ups.
Because the French have understood that the C15 represents the peak of what the automobile can be. ⬇
So in this thread, I will compare the C15 to its competition on the basis of objective criteria, and prove that men who buy SUVs and Pick-Ups are, with very few exceptions, compensating for something ;)
Without further ado, the competition:⬇
The Ford Ranger (2020). One of the most popular pickups in the US.
A key selling point is that the cabin is so high you can run over toddlers without even noticing.⬇
The Landrover Discovery, a British staple famous for being the favourite car of renowned pedophile prince andrew, and emitting as much CO2 as a cruise ship.⬇
I will compare the vehicles on the following criterea:
- PRICE TO BUY
- PRICE TO RUN
- CAPACITY
- OFF-ROADING
- SPEED and
- EMISSIONS
with additional bonus criteria at the end.
Lets see how the C15 holds up.⬇
First on PRICE TO BUY:
At the time of release in 1984, a C15 would set you back about €13 000 (adjusted for inflation, euro)
The Cheapest 2018 Ford Ranger will cost you €25k.
A Land Rover Discovery will set you back about €50k
Today, you can get a C15 for €2k
C15 wins.⬇
But what about fuel efficiency? Surely the C15 can't be more efficient than modern cars?!
FUEL COST FOR 100KM RANGE (at €1.86/l):
Citroen C15: 6.3 l/100km - €11.72
Ford Ranger: 11.3 l/100km - €21
Land Rover Discovery: 10.2 litres/100km
C15 Wins again.⬇
I see you, impressed by the C15s fuel efficiency and low price, but you smile "surely", you say "such a small vehicle cannot meet my insatiable craving for capacity".
You are mistaken, dear friend.
CAPACITY:
C15: 2.6m³
Ranger: 1.8m³
Discovery: 0.8m³⬇
In fact, one of my first experiences with a C15 was herding multiple cows inside one. Ask yourself, reader, do you need to carry anything larger than multiple cows?
If not, then the C15 is for you.
There are also convenient benches for humans.⬇
Slowly, you enter the second stage of grief: anger.
"A VAN LIKE THAT WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO OFF ROAD, I NEED TO BE ABLE TO DRIVE DOWN DIRT TRACKS".
Allow me to tell you a story. I was in a C15 at the bottom of a steep, muddy track. Then I was at the top of the track.
The End.⬇
"BUT WHAT IF I NEED TO COMPENSATE FOR THE SIZE OF MY MANHOOD BY DRIVING FAST?!" I hear you say.
Dear Sir, fear not: though the C-15's top speed of 150km/h is vanquished by the slightly faster Ranger (170km/h) and Discovery (200km/h) ...⬇
... achieving such a speed would likely result in your vehicle being embedded into a tree and parts of your internal organs no longer being on the inside of your body. This is not an optimal outcome, so I consider this limitation a bonus. ⬇
But what if you're an environmentally conscious mother who needs to drive the 5 minute walk to your kids' school? Surely, a modern car must be less polluting?
Again, dear reader, you are wrong.
CO2 emissions/km:
C15: 151.5 g/km
Ranger: 178 g/km
Discovery: 397 g/km⬇
In addition to these flagrant examples of the C-15s supremacy, there are several other perks:
- So many were built that any French garage can replace the entire engine for the price of a croissant.
- Space for multiple cows
- Convenient cup holders
- Heating⬇
There is, of course, one final criteria to consider. Many men feel insecure about their manhood, so how does the C15 fare in addressing this problem ?⬇
For this, I conducted a peer-reviewed scientific investigation taking into account the following criteria:
- Percieved penis size of owner
- Increase to general sex appeal
- Number of couples who can have sex in the back privately.⬇
Again, the numbers speak for themselves
So ladies & gentlemen, if you really need a fast car to traverse the perils of the countryside, that can go off-road, carry multiple cows, and make you feel better about your manhood, don't buy an oversized pedomobile, or the overcompensator9000.
Get a Citroen C15.
Goodnight 🚙
CREDITS:
Baptiste Pitois for the incredible off-roading video (Check out his YouTube channel): https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=78WQz6foOVw
Unknown for the cows, I downloaded it years ago from FB and can no longer find the post. EDIT: Commenters tell me it is Spanish Farmers 🇪🇸 so I credit them!
Un C15 VS un 4x4 ! Le Test EXTREME !
COMMON EXCUSES FOR NOT BUYING A C15:
"THIS CAR WILL BE SHIT IN WINTER"
Allow me, if you will, to tell another story: I have friends who live in a deep valley. It snowed a lot. They own an SUV, could not drive out of the valley.
The entire village was resupplied by C15.
"I NEED TO DRIVE THE ENTIRE LENGTH OF THE AMERICAN CONTINENT EVERY DAY"
C15 has you covered. The odemetres on most C15 have already passed the million mark and reset to 0.
The greatest challenge now is knowing how many times they have passed the million mark.
Eliza MB
fellmoon 🏴@jmaris ok, I was looking at a caddy or similar before but this is just nuts (in a positive way)... Also lol SVU... Most bullshit thing that happened to cars ever...
My personal benchmark is more like "can I sleep in it on a weekend-tripp?" > and this is really terrible in so many modern cars...
Àngel Aguilera 
@jmaris The C15 in the video of the cows has a spanish license plate (old format plate, not used anymore). The two first letters, "TO", indicate that the car was licensed in the province of Toledo. Anyway, I'm sure french farmers are very manly, too. Nice thread, BTW! 😃
@lillo thanks for the heads up! Will correct !
Joris Meys@jmaris
And a jolly good night to you sir. Thank you for your service to humanity!
And a jolly good night to you sir. Thank you for your service to humanity!
Daniel Prindii@jmaris I think half of the Elba island, Italy, runs with Fiat Pandas. It was the most common car when I was holidaying.
Matteꙮ Italia@klausblog @jmaris in pretty much any mountain location in Italy you spot who actually lives there by the Panda 4×4 (possibly the original version, generally called "Panda 16") and (more recently) Suzuki Ignis
Tanega@klausblog @jmaris the Panda 4x4 was a hit in french mountainous regions.
tth
Yimby Earth@jmaris
The facts are the facts.
The facts are the facts.
Derek the DIY Guy@jmaris
I had something similar in mind.
Comparing the carprice with the penis length. 😆
Thank you for sharing
I had something similar in mind.
Comparing the carprice with the penis length. 😆
Thank you for sharing
Empterdose@jmaris extremely strong https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SV9Uu2T0q0E energy
Guys With Crappy Cars Must Have Huge Dongs
Eli the BeardedThere's one man you forgot to address (for US market): Ralph Nader, who made "safety" (usually just occupant) a huge factor in US regulations and marketing. Unsurprisingly, if you build a tank it keeps people inside alive pretty well when you smash something into the tank
@elithebearded there are modern European equivalents of the C15 which meet European safety standards, although I think Europe needs to consider prohibiting large vehicles like the ranger because it puts all over drivers in danger, and more often than not, European drivers of them are incompetent
Incompetent drivers selecting a vehicle that protects them from incompetence should come as no surprise
Cecilia | MeraOrd@jmaris "Space for multiple cows" sold me. Is it available as an electric car?
Kristof Provost@jmaris I remember making deliveries with one of those. At one point I delivered a a 750 kg industrial pump with one. They conveniently fit a standard pallet in the back, and you can just load and unload those with a forklift.
As a bonus, no one who owns one of those cares one little bit about an extra scratch or dent, so you don't even have to be very careful with them.
As a bonus, no one who owns one of those cares one little bit about an extra scratch or dent, so you don't even have to be very careful with them.
Coral (bleached era)@jmaris maybe when it was new! I can _smell_ the exhaust of the dear old c15 through the picture. Piston rings and head gaskets optional, oil burning mandatory
Martin Hamilton@jmaris Strong Stålenhag vibes right there. Maybe C15 is actually a relic of an advanced civilisation from another timeline... 
Kg. Madee Ⅱ.@jmaris that seems enough for fahr'n, fahr'n, fahr'n auf der Autobahn
Elena ``of Valhalla''@jmaris who needs 150 km/h? have you ever tried doing 30 km/h downhill on an unpaved mountain track designed for WW1 mules?
*that's* adrenaline inducing, manhood growing stuff right there!
(disclaimer: I've never done that on a C-15, only on a panda)
Andrew
Ignas Kiela@jmaris it's incredible how often people just forget that the lighter the car is, the better it will do in mud or other conditions. You can only put so much power, so power to weight ratio doesn't matter, only the tire contact patch and vehicle weight does, so if you have a lightweight car you only need to have enough clearance (note: enough is very often less than you think you need) and an ok suspension to keep decent ground contact, and you can drive through slippery roads without too much issue
Tattie
Rupert Reynolds@jmaris Snort! I wasn't expecting the Citroën to follow!
Magic :-)
Magic :-)
Un Bourguignon@jmaris
Faut mettre le son pour se rendre compte comment lutte le Range Rover (son moteur hurle et pourtant le véhicule n'avance qu'avec très grande difficulté) et comment le C15 est tranquille 😅.
Faut mettre le son pour se rendre compte comment lutte le Range Rover (son moteur hurle et pourtant le véhicule n'avance qu'avec très grande difficulté) et comment le C15 est tranquille 😅.
Eric Darchis@jmaris During a camping trip, we setup our base in a field near Durbuy🇧🇪. The org had a large Nissan Navara D22 and got stuck in the mud. That's when a guy in a Citroën BX came to the rescue and pulled the large pickup out of the mud.
I had a tiny Suzuki Samurai 1L engine and I got through "finger in ze noze" 😆
I had a tiny Suzuki Samurai 1L engine and I got through "finger in ze noze" 😆
Andrea
Y⃒̸̷̝̜̙ͥͥͥngmar@jmaris Holy cow, that's one beefy rear axle!
pink@jmaris
We used to carry a goat (the large ones) in the back of a Golf 2 but they had to lay down...
We used to carry a goat (the large ones) in the back of a Golf 2 but they had to lay down...
@jmaris
#Citroen seemed to have farmers in mind from the beginning:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Citro%C3%ABn_2CV
#Citroen seemed to have farmers in mind from the beginning:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Citro%C3%ABn_2CV
Leigh Garland@jmaris there's a joke here about getting to Cowes in a C15... (via the Isle of Wight ferry), but I'll leave the parts here and you lot can assemble it yourself. 😁
Dave@jmaris french car containing farm animals? Have a look at this German classic.
https://www.wdrmaus.de/filme/sachgeschichten/trueffelschwein.php5
Amazing episode of our most famous children's education show Sendung mit der Maus.
Manfred
J.K.Pirie
Eivind@jmaris 3 cows should be enough for anyone, surely!