Mastodawn

I need advice from friendly, but faceless, strangers. Something has become clear to me this holiday visit. Since Mom died, Dad has dealt with it so poorly that I have, in almost every way, lost both parents. He will barely speak to me.

His process, if you can call it that, has been so self-centered that no one else has been given space to grieve, and I’m actually really angry about his behavior. And I don’t want to hear about how everyone grieves differently, because taking your grief out on other people is NOT an appropriate process.

But what would you do? It’d be great if we could talk it out, but we’re northern Minnesota stoics, and that’s not a great option for either of us.

Any ideas out there? Advice?
#advice #grief #fathersandsons #death #parents

EDIT: Big thanks to all for the thoughts and advice. I still don’t know what’s going to happen, but I appreciate all of the input. If nothing else, I thank you for listening to my outpouring of baggage. Thanks, all.

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keeps vis.social running Jan 1

@adammoe2022 I'm just going to acknowledge that having a close family member fail to acknowledge your own grief, or give you space for your grief, is really hard. And for them to take out their grief on others, is miserable to experience.

All I can advise is to protect your grief and yourself. And to acknowledge the grief of your whole family.

If it's possible, maybe mention 'hey, she was my mom and I miss her too'. Maybe. But he might not be able to hear that right now.

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keeps vis.social running

@adammoe2022 You're in a really tough situation, and it's not fair. I wish I knew how to help you make it better.

I see people have mentioned letters. Maybe that could be helpful, at least for you. If he doesn't come back from that, there isn't must you can do. Sadly.

Maybe mention that you miss him, in the letter, and hope he will come back from this.

My heart is breaking for you. I hope that he comes back to you.