Pope Bob the UnsaneFailure by King Missile
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZcO10Fim0C8
This song was and is one of the most influential songs of my life...
Enjoy..
YouTube
Failure is all there is for you...
Quite honestly... I am probably alive because of this song...
Suicide by Bobby Gaylor
Suicide
Roknrol like the slur@roknrol helped me see the positive... for sure... :D
@bobdobberson Pulled me back from many ledges.
@roknrol I feel that, and I am glad that it did.
@bobdobberson Ask me when I'm out of mood levelers...should happen just in time for Xmas.
@roknrol that sucks... We need to get away from those meds... They help... But... They form dependencies...
@roknrol we are convinced we need them to exist... And we really don't... But we need more love... We need to love more...
@bobdobberson Only taking them to help quit smoking. Eight days so far.
Kind of nervous about being off of them, but i can't afford that crutch so i'll just have to figure it out.
And I still really want to smoke.
@roknrol I know this isn't the nicest thing I could do... But... Maybe just smoke? Maybe have a few. Maybe have one? Maybe you don't need to abstain completely... Just reduce and moderate...
@roknrol moderation is the HARDEST thing we can do.
@bobdobberson The heart disease is pretty advanced. If i keep smoking i doubt I'll see 60.
The want is still strong though.
@roknrol the want will always be there. To some degree... Probably... I mean, maybe some people can get over it ... Maybe you can too... But... I haven't been able to.
@roknrol we can't abstain from everything we need or ought to moderate... Which is why I am a big proponent of moderation...
@roknrol I might recommend Missouri Meerschaum pipes and some Prince Albert tobacco instead of cigarettes...
Not great... But maybe a little better... and... I dunno...
@bobdobberson It creeps, though, and that's the problem that I have.
A cigarette in the morning necesitates one in the evening. Oh, I'm out drinking with friends, one more won't hurt. Now some asshole thinks I'm looking at his girlfriend. Oh, I hope I get that job. Shit I hope that cop ignores me. Ad infinitum. Ad nauseum.
@roknrol are 2 cigarettes a day really /that/ bad for you?
@bobdobberson My cardiologist thinks so. He'll make more money if I keep smoking, so maybe?
@roknrol I mean... He makes more money the more scared you are of your heart...
@bobdobberson how so? I see him once every couple of years unless my heart gets worse, then he could justify more surgery. That's where the money is, from what I can tell.
@roknrol fair enough... Do you need to see him every few years?
@bobdobberson Probably not, as long as my health doesn't decline. Every few years for basic follow up stuff isn't so bad.
I don't tend to follow the recommendations and they can't offer a compelling reason for me to do so.
Basically, the damage that's been done is done and can't be fixed. I can theoretically stop it getting worse though. Since i noticed the decline for a better part of a decade before my heart attack, I don't really want that. I already struggle with super basic shit and I'm only 50.
I had my whole health history typed up but you probably don't want or need that. Basically if I keep smoking I'll be destined for a stroke. The next heart attack is likely to burst something and that's permanent.
@roknrol what damage? What caused the damage? Pack a day?
@bobdobberson Diet, genetics, smoking, city living. Genetics are apparently a big part. Smoking for 30 years did me no favors.
I have 99% blockage systemically. Ap.arently all of my internal organs are provided blood via periphery veins.
Moderation probably can work, but i am certainly addicted. That's the problem. None is not enough and one is too many sort of thing.
@roknrol addiction is everywhere, and moderation is definitely key... If you can abstain and want to abstain... No problem...
But we need to learn moderation... I need to learn... It's not easy...
@roknrol sorry if I'm not helpful... I don't know what is right for your health situation, and I sure as fuck don't know what's right about my own...
I just know I'm gonna die some day, and may already have stage 56 cancer, cos I don't have insurance or a GP or health care I can rely on...
Life is fun...
@roknrol I have a weird view of current medicine... I think some is good, and a lot is there to milk us for money, and it is hard to tell which from which...
@bobdobberson I understand, and I don't necessarily disagree with you.
The benefit of having a family with medical practitioners in it is that you pick up bits and pieces...you learn a little bit about how some studies are done. You can see the charts and graphs that show improvement (or lack thereof).
For example, I'm on blood pressure meds, and those I can actually FEEL working. I'm on stuff to lower my cholesterol, and it does seem to help that just purely by numbers. Baby aspirin because it's recommended and seems to show a long-term benefit to heart disease sufferers...fish oil because *everyone* tells me that it will help and it's not expensive. I take that basically to keep them off of my back. If I didn't have insurance, I'd be taking none of them.
Then there's the mental shit.
And it's probably a history of living in an ablest society or something, but considering how much we don't actually know about how brains work, I think mucking around with drugs is a bad idea. I'm literally on the mood levelers to keep me from killing myself while I quit smoking. I only have about 2 weeks left on that, and I will not be taking them again, regardless of the repercussions.
I can't speak for anyone else, of course, but I feel like anything that I can name (about my brain, thoughts, etc) can be trained to be better behaved, if only I had the name. Considering the chronic depression I might have to rethink that, but for now, I want to keep my brain as it is (despite its flaws). If I wanted to be another person I would have been born into different circumstances.
@roknrol I watched as my friends Dad was killed by mis-presciption of medications... He had so many doctors, prescribing different meds... None of the doctors talked to each other or were aware of the other drugs he was on...
Maybe he had no chance... But ... Given all the side effects of the numerous drugs he was on... I have to wonder...
I know how much we have learned over time, and I know how much we know about the human body, but modern medicine, with its monetary drive, scares the fucking shit out of me.
@bobdobberson I have found it absolutely necessary for me to learn everything that I can about my own health. I have no idea how people without a medical background (remember, my background is basically just helping my wife through nursing school and spending time around doctors, so not much) manage...none at all.
Doctors are hit and miss, and I find that GP's tend to be more miss than hit. Specialists seem to be pretty good for the most part, although you're right, they don't talk to each other. Capitalism ruins everything.
If you don't have insurance though...its' hard to find anyone to help at all, much less someone that actually cares about the outcome. If you're a woman or minority you're also screwed since doctors treat both categories like a whiny five year old, which is absolute bullshit.
You've absolutely got to fight for your own health, because nobody else is going to do it for you (generic 'you', could be "we" and "us")
@bobdobberson Sorry I dropped off - had to help install a roof.
The only reason I'm still married is for the tenuous relationship with healthcare insurance. I get it.
And yes, we all will die someday.
But where my health is at right now, I had to make an active decision. Do I want to live, or do I want to die?
Depending on the day and phase of the moon and whether Mars is in retrograde, either answer may seem just as desirable.
But I don't think sabotaging the guy that wants to live is necessarily the right decision either. What if that guy meets someone? Gets a good job that he enjoys? Or is finally able to find peace (something I'm actively seeking)? Shooting that guy in the foot with ever compounding health issues doesn't seem the way, for me.
That said, you are 100% absolutely correct. A life lived without enjoyment is a life unlived. But I do still enjoy myself...I just have to do healthier things to do it. I walk a lot, and I've been watching people's dogs while I'm in town. It's the little things (right now) that make life (almost) worth living. There's no reward for turning in my body in the original packaging.
The UP side is that I can breath easier, I can walk further without huffing and puffing, and I don't smell like stale smoke. I've stopped horking grey shit out of my lungs too...so it seems to be doing something.
I'm sorry that you're having to deal with cancer. Nobody should have to shoulder that burden. If it's any consolation, my wife does cancer research for a living and there's not a single person that she's worked with that isn't actively trying to find cures. It's just an ungodly beast of a problem to tackle. A positive attitude seems to be absolutely necessary if healing is your goal, but the cost and treatment can make that virtually impossible to obtain. I wish I had something that I could say that would help, but this paragraph is about it...and I"m sure you've heard it (and more) before.