piegamesNov 5
As a community mod I've seen quite a few interpersonal conflicts, and one hard and uncomfortable truth I've had to learn is that often times there is virtually no way to distinguish "an abuser bullying some people out" from "victims trying to fend off an abuser" without getting intimately familiar with the situation.
Luna Dragofelis ΘΔ 🏳️‍⚧️Nov 5
Show threadpiegames

Oh also good luck trying to find out how to distinguish "yet another toxic relationship between some shipwrecked souls gone wrong" and "someone got abused real bad here" from an outside perspective.

This all is not by accident, some people just know how to control the optics of a situation and how play victim really well.

Nov 5 at 5:50pmWeb
Show threadpiegamesNov 5
(This is not a subtoot about any specific event btw. It's just that I've been around the block quite a few times by now and I'm observing some patterns)
Show threadmx alex tax1a - 2020 (6)Nov 5
@piegames and then you get people into community leadership positions whose stance on all of this is "i don't want to make anyone uncomfortable, especially myself" and then they wonder why their scenes fill up with abusers who bully people out
Show threadmx alex tax1a - 2020 (6)Nov 5
@piegames whereas we think the right thing to do here is become familiar with the situation, try for some kind of mediation if possible, and then make uncomfortable decisions, instead of sweeping the entire thing under the rug
Show threadpiegamesNov 5
@atax1a I mean this is really painful and shitty work, you have to take really difficult decisions and in the end there will always be backlash from one direction or another. I understand if people are not cut for that, but IMO that disqualifies for many leadership positions (also this is why we tend to separate technical leadership from community leadership in tech communities, to have dedicated specialized people shield the people who just want to code at least a little bit)
Show threadmx alex tax1a - 2020 (6)Nov 5
@piegames yes, but unfortunately, we've seen (been on the wrong end of) people doing none of the work because the work is difficult, as if that excuses things
Show threadAisling "weird doe" FawnNov 5
@piegames people will give abuse 101s that are like "abusers use a tactic called DARVO to make it look like they are the victim and their victim is the one abusing them. this means that the only way to know which one is the real abuser to is to accept my word uncritically every time."
Show threadpiegamesNov 5
@aisling oh yeah this is the reason why I am so reluctant to publicly talk in-depth about this topic, because everything will be weaponized in some form or another