Is it normal not to care about anyone?
Is it normal not to care about your friends, uncle, cousins or anyone? Like, you have friends, but you couldn’t care less about them and don’t value them. If they have kids, you don’t care about their well-being either. Basically could not give less of a fuck about anyone. You don’t care about your friends or family members at all. If they are sick, you don’t care; if they die, you don’t care. Is this normal?
No, you need to go to therapy and talk these feelings through with a professional.
I’ve been in a similar emotional state and with therapy I realized my ‘dgaf’ attitude was the only way I could keep living after a traumatic incident I experienced as a child, twenty-five years ago. I had been forcing my self away from having any meaningful relationships out of fear that they would make me feel bad, like I did on that day as a child. Before therapy I had forgotten it had ever happened, but afterwards I realized so much about myself and it all just clicked into place; all of my strange behaviours, my anti-social tendencies, my mentality of not giving a fuck about you or anyone else. It was all to avoid negative emotions. I wish I had gone, or been able to go, to therapy a lot sooner. I would be much happier then I am now if I did, but it matters not because I did go, and I talked things out; I worked out the cause of all this pain and healed.
Ask yourself, when was the last time you cried?
Depends…
I don’t know what “normal” is, but my parents and siblings being abusive af, which made me just have zero attachment to them. They could get hit by a truck tomorrow and I’d not give a shit, except maybe attend the funeral to not look bad, but I honestly wouldn’t wanna go to their fucking funerals if I don’t have to.
Did you ever got abused/neglected when you were a kid? If so, I’d say, a little bit of misantropy is to be expected. A brain can only handle so much before the emotional part just gets destroyed by the overwhelming depression of being rejected by the closest blood relatives who are supposed to be on your side, the betrayal will never be forgotten, it’ll always be a part of your identity.
However, if you come from a good family, then its… I’d say that would be very weird to have zero emotional attachments to people around you who were nice to you. Emotions aside, as long as the logical part of your brain remembers to care about them, then its fine.
Try looking at random cats, do you like them? Are they cute? If so, that’s proof you aren’t a socialpath/psycopath.
Even tho I don’t care about my family, I still feel very emotional about the idea of families/frendship, even those depicted in fiction. I cry about it, overfilled with joy, wishing I had that childhood.
No. What it means exactly, is harder to say without knowing you and your story.
People attribute way more power to mental health professionals than they actually have, but I feel like this is something they could at least diagnose. If you have access to it…
I’ve been there. Reasons for this might be different depending on who you are. For me, I’d been hurt by the ones that I loved, and subconsciously put up a wall to protect myself so I was “prepared” in case I would get hurt again. On the flipside I also couldn’t be my most authentic self, so I felt a lot more distanced when being with friends and family. For me, a lot of talking, therapy, and books helped me tremendously, but I’m still on a journey.
So yes, it’s normal, and it can get better.
I tried cognitive behavioural therapy which helped with a bunch of other stuff, but didn’t help me get to the root of my core challenges. I’m with one now which does the following (according to her website):
Theoretically, I am grounded in the psychodynamic tradition and the neuroaffective understanding of attachment and emotional development.
I’m beginning to really not care about my brother and I feel like an absolute piece of shit for feeling this way.
He’s fallen down a rabbit hole of conspiracy psuedo-science and has been treating our mum like shit these last few months. Gas lighting her, not letting her see his kids, shit like that.
No definitely not. Like, it’s fine if you don’t care for some uncle who’s kind of a dick and who you see once a year. But if you care for no-one but yourself then something is out of the norm. Might not be something you can help, but it’s probably a good idea to run this by a professional.
Personally I’m kinda extreme in the opposite direction. I can feel intense empathy towards inanimate objects. I’ll feel sad for the slightly fucked apple at the supermarket because no-one will buy it. I struggle to watch movies with too emotional plots because I start to experience those emotions myself intensely.
I care more for other species than I do my own. I just don’t see humans as important as they think they are. The trolley problem isn’t difficult for me; either selection works. And yes, the misanthropy is real.
But if you don’t care about anything at all, not animals, not plants, not even the universe, then you don’t love yourself. That’s when it’s time for therapy.
No. I don’t miss people while they are alive - I don’t need to talk to them or see them, I know they are alive, and don’t miss them somehow, yes friends,neven my parents and siblings and grown kids, I love them but if I know they are ok that seems to be enough.
But when they are sick or hurting I care. I want them happy and healthy and if I can help I want to.
And when they die I miss them, so much.
Not sure what normal is, but no that doesn’t sound normal. How do you feel about your own self? Do you care for your own body and mind?
ADHD here. That might be related to time blindness or something.
I’m exactly like what you describe. Went years without talking to my dad. Not because I was angry, it always felt like I just spoke to him recently and would talk again soon.
It wasn’t until he died that I missed him.
It’s very weird to explain to people. “I dont miss you because my brain doesn’t recognize you’ve been gone for a while. It thinks that talk we had three years ago was a couple days ago”
lol don’t say “the thing” we all hate that lol
“I had a little brother with adhd, he had such a hard time in school”
Unless he died he still has adhd and it’s not a problem with school is a condition with life long concerns. People just learn to hide it after childhood.
Look into adhd. There’s all kinds of symptoms one could have and it really helps to understand what’s going on inside your mind.
Like the time blindness thing. “Am I a bad person for not missing people” no, it’s just a condition.
Even if you decide to never take medication it helps to know what’s going on.
Oh my gosh when I was younger I absolutely loved to sleep on speed, it felt so good. Caffeine would leave me wired but amphetamine - it’s not that it made me sleepy exactly, but the sleep on speed was so delightful.
And yeah I gained 20 lb when I went to school in England and was fed 3 times a day, I had never eaten like that before. Just when I got hungry and remembered, lol.
Now I mostly just make sure to exercise - I was very active as a teen too but now it really works, if I exhaust my body my mind does settle.
One of us! One of us!
Lol. Yeah sounds like adhd.
I walk a few miles a day to burn off extra energy as well.
It’s not all negative tho. I bet you’re also a quick thinker and an out-of-the-box thinker. When everyone else gets stuck on a project do they come to you for a solution?
Everyone left in my department is amazing actually, so we go to each other because we all think differently, and yes sometimes my do everything different ways all the time approach really pays off. Work seems to think I do a good job but to me it feels more like occasional flashes of brilliance and longer stretches of slower work because I can’t do anything I don’t understand, have to see the whole picture first.
I am worried about OP, he put another post up about is it normal to care only about your romantic partner and no interest at all in anyone else.
It’s fine.
Your feelings or lack of them is valid. If you’re getting through life and are happy without giving a shit about others then good for you. If it’s harming you or others then you have a problem. If you’re unhappy because you feel like you’re missing something in your life then do something about it, but don’t let others tell you how to feel.
This would be called Emotinal Detachment or Emotional Blunting. It is associated with several mental health issues, such as anxiety, depression, and schizophrenia, and it can be developed as a coping mechanism for a stressful or abusive childhood or past. It can also develop as a side effect for some medications, so it could be worth looking info a change in prescriptions if you think that could be relevant.
That is to say, it is an abnormal mental state, but you are not unique in this mindset. You should strongly consider reaching out to a mental health professional to see if you can work on this as it is likely to lead to more isolation and a worsening of your overall well-being.
A someone with anxiety and depression, I think I have this.
I can’t be bothered with worrying about everyone else’s well-being, when every waking moment I’m just one bad day away from having a complete mental breakdown.
When I told my psychologist this, their only response was “you’re fine; you clearly have empathy”. So I went to another, and another, who both said the same thing. So I stopped going. The pills don’t work anyway so I was just wasting my money.
I wish I could afford a therapist.
Is it normal to not value any other type of relationships other than romantic? Like, what if someone has friends but doesn’t value them or like them at all? They don’t dislike them, but they’re apathetic toward everyone who isn’t their boyfriend or girlfriend and don’t care whether they live or die. They don’t care about their children or their well-being. Is there anything wrong with this?
Adding link context/titles:
The first one is an ask lemmy post titled: Is it normal to not value any other type of relationships other than romantic?
The second one is a showerthought post titled: “fridging” is honestly the only good motivation to become a superhero or good person
If it’s a new thing in life, it’s alexithymia, emotional dysregulation, and likely a consequence of mental health problems, from trauma to other, deeper underlying conditions. The good news is this can be treated, it’s just a survival mechanism gone haywire, you can get better and have love and happiness and friends and family again and enjoy the full range of human experience. It may take time and effort to find a good therapist and stick to the plan, but trust me, it’s worth it.
If you’ve always felt this way, it still may be a chemical imbalance but also may be a personality disorder.
Personality disorders are incredibly hard to treat. But this is often because people with personality disorders don’t think anything is wrong. But the good news in this case is if this is your issue, you are already suspecting something is wrong and that’s already the hard part crossed. The rest is just structure and planning. The human brain is incredibly flexible and you can actually rewire yourself to be the person you want to be for your loved ones, for yourself, to experience more and feel more. But again, it takes time.
Be good to yourself. Take stock of your life and situation, make a few calls to some all-inclusive mental health clinics, there are a lot of places that will both set you up for insurance/financing, and they will do the preliminary health tests, medication recommendations and therapy sessions. You have options, don’t go into it alone.
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