Mastodawn

Alicja (and Artemida and Mara, see bio)Oct 12

Ok, I'm just gonna go ahead and ask.

How do people actually make new friends? Let's assume online for the sake of argument.

I've tried a number of approaches, I've tried both being spontaneous and winging it, and doing it a specific, thought-out way.

My attempts fall into a few typical patterns, but I'm not gonna describe them because that'd make for a LONG thread. I can't describe these things briefly.

(I might add some descriptions later,in a thread starting from this post)

But for now, let's assume: you see a person online, read what they write and after a while decide it'd be cool to potentially get to know them.

What do you do? Go.

Please be specific. "Just talk to them" could mean a million things.

#ActuallyAutistic #neurodivergent

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Ra (Freyja) (it/its)𒀭𒈹𒍠𒊩 Oct 12

@oddtail honestly? what we do is just start replying to and interacting with their posts. that's really it

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Murdoc Addams 🧛🏻

🇨🇦Oct 12

@freya @oddtail
This is pretty much what I do. Plus, I mostly find friends by common interests.

To give some more specific examples of things to say:
"I also am a fan of (bandname). What's your favorite song/album?"
"I've never heard of (topic/concept) before, but it sounds interesting. Can you tell me more?"
"I've long been interested in (hobby/skill), but haven't really learned much yet. How did you learn/get into it?"
"I agree with that viewpoint, and would add that..."
"That's an interesting point. What do/would you think about (related thing)?"

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Cy Oct 12

I used to think common interests was the way. Then it occurred to me that before automobiles, nobody on the planet made friends by common interests. You made friends with the people around you, regardless of any shared interests. Not to say automobiles have suddenly ceased to exist, but humans are very very hardwired to make friends based on common circumstances and not common interests.

To give some counterexamples I've run across:
"Oh, you're a fan of evangelical bluegrass? Great..."
"I've never heard of dahlias before. Anyway, I'm going to go walk over there now."
"I've long been interested in procedural animation, but haven't really learned much yet. How did—oh, uh, yes I'm sure your dahlias will look lovely in this year's flower arrangements."
"I agree with that view—wait did you just say the problem is immigration?"
"That's (yawn) an interesting point. What do you think about uhh peonies?"

CC: @[email protected] @[email protected]

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Murdoc Addams 🧛🏻

🇨🇦

@cy @freya @oddtail
For most people, you're right. But we're talking about autistic people here, at least us. If you're trying to make friends with an NT, I don't know. Well, I probably do, but it would really go against the grain. But all my friends were made due to common interests.