It is literally impossible to explain ADHD task avoidance to people who don't experience it, I think.
It has to sound absolutely insane to just sit around, filled with dread and anxiety, not doing a small thing you "could do any time" that really needs to get done. And to just continue that way for hours, days, weeks, months, even fucking years.
Like, who lives that way? How can anyone live that way? (I live that way, but I don't know how I survive)
it's literally "i could do more but taking care of myself took up the time" a lot of the time.
i wish it were that easy, but there are other things i would like to do with my life that aren't basic chores.
@artemis sending hugs!
i also have AuDHD
@artemis "why don't you just..." are four of the words I dread hearing the most.
Yes, I would love to "just...", but I simply cannot compel myself to do the thing.
@kleines_z @hllizi
Yeah, I take meds as well. They help with some things, but mostly they just make things *possible* while still remaining difficult.
Not to mention, I'm not on my preferred medication (Adderall), and am instead taking Concerta because of availability issues. 🫤
Experiencing it right very now, in fact.
@xan @artemis sometimes it also feels like a bit of a learning disability because you would think after spending yesterday in a weird mad panic between 3 and 6 PM when I realized I didn’t do anything all day, that I wouldn’t repeat that today, or tomorrow.
And to be fair to myself I did some gardening today and I helped my neighbor with some computer stuff she needed help with, but my point is that I’m usually jumping up and cursing at myself because I realize it’s almost 3 PM and I’m still trying to get ready to start my day 😂
I’m really fortunate that Adderall works great for me, especially when I microdose it so I don’t FEEL anything from it. I just hate taking it because I only weigh 44 kg and I stopped buying weed locally so I really struggle with my appetite in between trips to Maine.
@artemis Preach, cousin.
It is perhaps the least favorite prize I won for being ND. 🙄
@twwombat @JohannaMakesGames @valthonis @artemis
me: *goes to the bottomless stash of bows resulting from inability to throw potentially useless things out*
*capers madly through the house with arms full of bows*
*slaps a bow on the dirty dishes*
*slaps a bow on Mt. Unfolded Laundry*
*slaps a bow on unfinished photo-framing project*
YAAAAY, LOOK AT ME, I WON ALL THE PRIZES! 😆🎶🖖
@artemis sending this post directly to my husband RIP
he doesn’t understand and says “why dont you just do it and get it over with and then you’ll feel better!!” and im like VRO, I WISH
For real, the dread of starting something you're afraid you can't or won't finish, adding to the the long list of abandoned things, and then you delay and avoid and hope it sorts itself out (which it does in non essential facets, but bites your ass cleanly and clearly when it is essential), and then feeling like a sack of paralyzed-by-your-own-dread-and-anxiety shit for a spell...
Others just go and fight the Balrog apparently.
@ivy @rayckeith @artemis I don’t have depression but i do have adhd and holy shit executive dysfunction like this is a thing for us.
Being literally unable to do a thing that you want to do and have no external obstacles to doing is NOT a neurotypical thing.
Pretty sure it’s not an autistic thing either (I’m autistic too).
This actively interfered with getting an initial ADHD diagnosis back in the 90s, where I was a broody morose preteen and teenager. Its very easy to be depressed when it feels like youre drowning and everyone is yelling 'just swim, damn you!'
@artemis
I realized after I posted that this could sound rude. Sorry. But the round TUIT is a piece of magic. You hide it in a drawer or a pocket, and when you find it, it tricks your mind into believing one thing can get done today. So you start something.
The great thing about the round tuit is it works when you give it away as well.
@artemis
After I gave it to you, I finally moved a bookcase that was propping the door open to my office next to my desk. Then I could close the door. Take the light canceling curtain off the window so I could see. Take the books off of my desk and put them in the bookcase, and clean all the cat hair off of my chair.
Use mind magic to solve mind problems. I hope it works for you too.
#procrastination
@artemis to those of us without ot "where do i start? at the start" makes total sense but adhd is like what even is the start???? unless i give instructions that include a timeframe for chores, adhd spouse will not know what to do... and god forbid i give more than one chore at a time, it all goes to hell.
it truly isnt something i can grasp. i just try not to be upset bc hes obviously trying... adhd just doesnt make it easy
I do not understand it intuitively but I believe it and try to imagine it. It's a bit like trying to imagine synesthesia (which I don't have).
@artemis part of it for me is a negative reinforcement loop. You have initial task avoidance, and then every time you think of it, you recoil from it. Your brain learns 'if I think of x, I will feel bad', and just...stops thinking of x. Until you think of it again, and you recoil even more because you still haven't done it.
And then, every once in a while, my brain relents, and I Do All The Things in one wildly productive morning/day/week. Maddening.
@maltimore a few days ago, I had to make three phone calls to banks, make an eye dr appointment, etc. Was looming over me for weeks and just did it all in an hour.
(This isn't at all a 'just do it' recommendation, I just had one of the moments where my brain was like "let's do the things", and I took advantage of it - I wish I could engineer those moments into happening more often.)
@grajohnt @artemis Okay yeah, I've learned that my brain uses forgetfulness as a *subconscious defence mechanism*. If I held every single thing in my head all the time (particularly all of the goals assigned to me that I never wanted in the first place and for which I don't know where to even begin), I would be paralyzed by anxiety 24/7. So in order to function like a regular human being, my worries have to somehow *go away*.
And that still doesn't help whenever I get a reminder later 😭
@artemis when I try to explain ADHD to people, I start from the side of things I want to do
There's an activity that I want to do, I want to have done, I consistently enjoy, I think it sounds fun, and is easy to start. All of this is true and I'm aware of it, and yet I still sometimes spend all day doing things that are less fun.I don't know if it necessarily leads to full understanding, but at least it doesn't tend to as many incorrect conclusions about procrastination@brie @artemis i like this. It works well for my case.
In fact, any activity I know needs doing and can be done and I should do it--fun or otherwise--is precisely the activity I will find extremely difficult to start, do, and complete. I cannot function to execute a task, proportional to the degree with which I believe it needs to be done. Sometimes I wait too long. Sometimes I am late. Sometimes the delay causes an urgency that inspires action at the last moment.
In any case, executive dysfunction can be summed up for me as follows: "I can't do that thing I want to do, precisely because it is that thing I want to do."
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