I've been doing more healing work to recover from being abusively #blindsided by a jealous woman who I have never even met but had attempted to psychologically #blackmail my companion, after faking being nice to me. I never expected to be #suckerpunched by a woman I've never even met in person. It shook me. It traumatized me. It was NOT OK.
Never ever defend #abusive people who have violated #boundaries multiple times & harmed multiple people, intentionally.
She told my partner, AFTER finding out we're together, that despite whether our relationship worked out or not, our relationship would kill a nonprofit. She then proceeded to trash me while my companion tried to counter her. She literally said she's gonna introduce a vetting process at next board meeting that neither me nor my partner can attend - it's to try & block me from joining the society. However, she doesn't know my background whatsoever & is ending up with several eggs on her face & more eggs will probably land there in coming days. I have decades of documented nonprofit background here. I wouldn't have been invited to be keynote speaker in Government House twice, if I was a person with zero background & no strong community connections.
People who hate/try to sabotage me without getting to know me, people who underestimate me & mistake my kindness for weakness, are the same folks who end up digging their own shitholes. I'd rather be underestimated than overestimated.
I literally have ZERO problems showing anyone who does not believe me about what happened with our entire text exchanges/every audio sent & how I tried twice to give her safe spaces to resolve her issues with me, with my companion & the local Indigenous chief being there too. She ignored my olive branch, despite her being the person who abused me. She immediately called up my partner to try to pressure him to keep me away from helping nonprofit & then she escalated to telling him to dump me AFTER I extended that olive branch after her first attempt to trash me to my partner. I tried to resolve things in a mature manner but she chose to keep creating more unnecessary personal dramas & then totally lying about it all afterwards.
People like that are #toxic as fuck. They're the ones who end up killing many organizations because of their immaturity & vindictive nature, almost all of that is hidden from the general public. You'd never see these toxic folks acting like me online - outright messy at times, happy at times, openly crying & looking fugly at times, always authentic despite my discomforts. These kinda folks are so fucking fake ass. They con so many people into thinking they're really great white folks - when they do so much evil in the shadows. They hate POC people like me, who have no problems directly confronting them. They tend to avoid people, especially strong POC women, who try to hold them accountable for their harmful wrongdoings. Fuck their feelings. I will always confront nasty ass white people like this. I don't care how they feel about that. They don't really care how anyone else feels when they go around abusing multiple POC people in the shadows to satisfy their shitass egos.
Recently had a member of our community go behind everybody's backs to make a nasty phone call to one of the main funders of our gathering space, making serious allegations that could have put the space itself at risk of legal attention. (in THIS political environment?? From a member of a marginalized group, even, who ought to fucking know better!)
The person they'd called spoke up about it-- the phone number was immediately recognized, and the betrayer called out on sight at their very next appearance.
This is a person who's always acting simpering and cute, and just walked up saying hello all cheerful friendly smiles as if everything is normal.
"Seriously? We know what you did. Why would you try to hurt a community that's never been anything but nice and welcoming to you?? What were you thinking?"
It was interesting, watching the group respond to handle the situation. Nobody is relishing the gossip. We all feel queasy and let down. But the line is drawn, that person is not welcome in our spaces anymore, and that's it.
Thing is, it adds up with other major red flags that already had my hackles up around that person. Being vindicated sucks, honestly. It would be nice to be wrong, but it's sadly reassuring to see my judgement wasn't off base.
And all this, over a very minor perceived slight. Now that we're entering (or at least, more visibly sunk in) the stage in history where people start hiding in attics and that shit, the LAST fucking thing we need is vindictive liars willing to blow up EVERYTHING over some extremely petty hurt feelings.
It's never fun to navigate, but conflicts like this are where the rubber meets the road, and the community manages to hold its traction together-- or doesn't.
The experienced community members who have seen it before and can deal with it clearly and calmly, are lighthouses.
The toxic person took her trashy abusive self out of our lives today. It happened shortly after she got pissed off about being called out on phone call where the chief was there. She tried to deflect things & wasn't open to transparency. Then tried to emotionally blackmail my partner again & failed again. Then attempted to hold password to his business & to nonprofit society files hostage until he brought in digital creation guy & got password back. He'll be changing passwords immediately too. Everything I predicted she'd try to do - she did. Textbook covert abusers are somewhat predictable because they use the same manipulative playbooks.
#AbusivePeople hate #transparency. If you're forced to deal with them - ensure you're never alone when communicating with them. Protect yourselves & always have at least one witness around.
If you're not very experienced with covert abusers, especially in work related atmospheres - this may help you to not enable them.
#PersonalSafety #ToxicPeople #ProtectYourself #DoNotEnable #CovertAbuse
Ms. Que Banh
✨pencilears✨
Violet Madder
patcanfield