VeeApr 24
Accountable language!
AlopeceApr 24
Show threadMatthias Auswöger
@VeroniqueB99 How is the parent who stayed the problem?
- Maybe she didn't want him to stay.
- Maybe she replaced him with someone who didn't want to stay.
- Maybe she doesn't know who it is.
There can be a million reasons. Sometimes its him to blame, somtimes her, somtimes nobody. 1000 cases mean 1000 different situations. But simplify it by blaming the gender (or race, religion, etc...) I don't like is something I'd usually expect from people who are politically far right.
Apr 24 at 7:07pmWeb
Show threadGuy on the runApr 24

@ausm @VeroniqueB99

I am also not so happy with the generalisation/stigma about the "absent" person. Does anyone here recall the term "Irreconcilable differences"?

Show threadMatthias AuswögerApr 24
@philleu Isn't that a movie with Drew Barrymore?
Show threadGuy on the runApr 24

@ausm
It's that too!

Ok I'd say -with- Drew Barrymore, because of my age.

Show threadŠtěpánApr 24
@ausm I think the point made isn't about who is responsible for the situation, but rather about the its description. We say single mother but we say it because of the absent father. Why he left is another thing.
I don't entirely agree though.
@VeroniqueB99
Show threadMatthias AuswögerApr 24

@stepan I would disagree, to say someone "is the problem" pretty much implies that that person is responsible.

Also, both terms do have different meanings. Children of absent fathers can have mothers that are in a e.g. lesbian relationship. These kids are then not children of single mothers anymore.
Same thing works the other way around, where the mother is single but the father is not really absent.

Show threadMaggie MaybeApr 25
@stepan @ausm@mastodon.social @VeroniqueB99 that guy you’re replying to just hates women. Look at the rest of his replies.
Show threadVeeApr 25
@maggiejk @stepan he's vitriolic. I blocked him.
Show threadPomegranate Pirate 🏳️‍🌈🏴‍☠️Apr 24
@ausm @VeroniqueB99
This! I did not stay, could not stay, had no help from family and it was a zero choice situation. He was good to the kids, and had the money, the job, the work-lawyer, the threats to take them out of country (I didnt know he couldnt).
Initially I tried coparenting, but with an abusive (verbal and coercive control) ex, you can't. And eventually it got so bad I gave up.
****There are so many many grey areas and things we don't see!
Show threadMaggie MaybeApr 25
@ausm @VeroniqueB99 what an interesting take from a man who is up and down this whole thread blaming women for everything.
Show threadBen Royce 🇺🇦Apr 25

@ausm @VeroniqueB99

you're missing the point here

the post is making light of a bias in the common language

that's a good point

so just acknowledge the point

but you seem to have an urgent need to switch up the focus here

why?

calm down, don't get so emotional, and acknowledge the point of the original post without this unnecessary desire to switch the focus up...

almost defensively

almost as if the post makes you feel personally attacked

that's rather revealing Matthias

×
VeeApr 24
Accountable language!
Show threaddragonfrogApr 24
@VeroniqueB99 I even prefer "absent" over "absentee" - when the father is dead, that isn't his fault, and when he's incarcerated for years over something that would be better handled through non-carceral means it's the state's fault.
Show threadVeeApr 24
@dragonfrog 👍
Show threadThis Account Kills FascistsApr 24
@VeroniqueB99 We love to shame women for picking shitty men, instead of shaming shitty men.
Show threadMatthias AuswögerApr 24
@VeroniqueB99 Why not blaming shitty men and try to pick better ones?
One does not exclude the other, right?
Show threadMaggie MaybeApr 25

@ausm @VeroniqueB99 I don’t believe you are asking this question sincerely, but just in case you really are let me explain:

Nobody chooses bad men. Men know how to pretend to be good until they have you trapped.

I know you guys don’t like to hear this because misogyny has society convinced that women are out there trying to baby trap men, but it’s the other way around.

Because bad man know once they have a child with us they have control over our lives.

My mom‘s generation might have been forced to choose bad men because until 1974 women could be denied a bank account, or credit, and until the 80s women and kids could be denied an apartment, so women from my mother’s generation had to choose a man for survival so I could see why they may have chosen a bad man hoping they could fix him or something.

But that’s not what’s happening now. They know how to fake it until we are trapped.

Show threadVeeApr 25

@maggiejk @ausm

THIS ☝️

Show threadBen Royce 🇺🇦Apr 25

@maggiejk @ausm @VeroniqueB99

well said

Show threadVeeApr 24
@violenteastcoastcity 👍 💯 👍
Show threadSomeGadgetGuyApr 24
@violenteastcoastcity @VeroniqueB99 EXACTLY that. It's all about making sure the woman is shamed for either picking a shitty dude, or not being good enough to keep a "quality man".
Show threadVeeApr 25

@SomeGadgetGuy @violenteastcoastcity

👍💯👍👌

Show threadMaggie MaybeApr 25

@SomeGadgetGuy @violenteastcoastcity @VeroniqueB99 “Keeping a man” is only challenging if you have self-esteem and self-respect.

The only thing a woman has to do to keep a man is be a doormat and a bang maid.

The worst men are almost impossible to get rid of. Ask anyone who has been stalked or harassed by an ex.

Show threadVeeApr 25

@maggiejk @SomeGadgetGuy @violenteastcoastcity

#truth. Also the 'good' men talk about partners and don't come from a place of dominance of either for reasons spanning from children to money...

(incidentally I broke off with my ex 8 times... impossible to get rid of is right!)

Show threadMatthias AuswögerApr 24
@VeroniqueB99 How is the parent who stayed the problem?
- Maybe she didn't want him to stay.
- Maybe she replaced him with someone who didn't want to stay.
- Maybe she doesn't know who it is.
There can be a million reasons. Sometimes its him to blame, somtimes her, somtimes nobody. 1000 cases mean 1000 different situations. But simplify it by blaming the gender (or race, religion, etc...) I don't like is something I'd usually expect from people who are politically far right.
Show threadGuy on the runApr 24

@ausm @VeroniqueB99

I am also not so happy with the generalisation/stigma about the "absent" person. Does anyone here recall the term "Irreconcilable differences"?

Show threadMatthias AuswögerApr 24
@philleu Isn't that a movie with Drew Barrymore?
Show threadGuy on the runApr 24

@ausm
It's that too!

Ok I'd say -with- Drew Barrymore, because of my age.

Show threadŠtěpánApr 24
@ausm I think the point made isn't about who is responsible for the situation, but rather about the its description. We say single mother but we say it because of the absent father. Why he left is another thing.
I don't entirely agree though.
@VeroniqueB99
Show threadMatthias AuswögerApr 24

@stepan I would disagree, to say someone "is the problem" pretty much implies that that person is responsible.

Also, both terms do have different meanings. Children of absent fathers can have mothers that are in a e.g. lesbian relationship. These kids are then not children of single mothers anymore.
Same thing works the other way around, where the mother is single but the father is not really absent.

Show threadMaggie MaybeApr 25
@stepan @ausm@mastodon.social @VeroniqueB99 that guy you’re replying to just hates women. Look at the rest of his replies.
Show threadVeeApr 25
@maggiejk @stepan he's vitriolic. I blocked him.
Show threadPomegranate Pirate 🏳️‍🌈🏴‍☠️Apr 24
@ausm @VeroniqueB99
This! I did not stay, could not stay, had no help from family and it was a zero choice situation. He was good to the kids, and had the money, the job, the work-lawyer, the threats to take them out of country (I didnt know he couldnt).
Initially I tried coparenting, but with an abusive (verbal and coercive control) ex, you can't. And eventually it got so bad I gave up.
****There are so many many grey areas and things we don't see!
Show threadMaggie MaybeApr 25
@ausm @VeroniqueB99 what an interesting take from a man who is up and down this whole thread blaming women for everything.
Show threadBen Royce 🇺🇦Apr 25

@ausm @VeroniqueB99

you're missing the point here

the post is making light of a bias in the common language

that's a good point

so just acknowledge the point

but you seem to have an urgent need to switch up the focus here

why?

calm down, don't get so emotional, and acknowledge the point of the original post without this unnecessary desire to switch the focus up...

almost defensively

almost as if the post makes you feel personally attacked

that's rather revealing Matthias

Show threadren (is fairy eyelashes) 🎶🌈Apr 24
@VeroniqueB99 Doesn't that imply a lack of choice by the mother?
Show threadVeeApr 24
@renwillis 👍
Show threadFrank HeijkampApr 24
@VeroniqueB99 Yep, that is indeed how it is. Naming and shaming. 💯
Show threadVeeApr 24
@alterelefant 👍
Show threadsaxnotApr 24
@VeroniqueB99 is that a tactical soap dispenser at her waist?
Show threadfranebleuApr 24
@saxnot @VeroniqueB99
so good
Show threadVeeApr 24
@saxnot I thought it was a bottle... but you could be right.
Show threadsaxnotApr 24
@VeroniqueB99 i don't know
Show threadLeigh GarlandApr 24
@VeroniqueB99 @saxnot it's an ileostomy bag, a weird detail for a bit of clip art.
Show threadVoracious ReaderApr 25

@saxnot @VeroniqueB99

Looks like a tactical baby wipe dispenser.
And the belt buckle looks like a diagram of how to make babies 🤔🤯

Show threadurbaerApr 25

@saxnot @VeroniqueB99 the belt buckle is confusing me. I don't know, looks kinda weird.

I think when someone says "raised by a Single Mother", they give credit to the mother who is doing the work in raising the child.

Show threadhsolerkalinovskiApr 24
@VeroniqueB99 it might be just in my bubble or maybe it is a broader caipira thing, but I have always equated and seen people equate being a single mother with being stronger albeit injured, such as "oh she's a single mother, I wonder how she can do it, poor her, how strong, what an inspiration!"
Show threadVeeApr 24
@hsolerkalinovski ... agreed, to an extent... depends on the environment... which btw is 100% BS!
Show threadMaggie MaybeApr 25

@hsolerkalinovski @VeroniqueB99 yes, if the kids grow up to be successful in capitalism.

If there’s any kind of struggle or disability or problem is at all it’s the single mom‘s fault according to society.

Show threadRobin BartonApr 24
@VeroniqueB99 As a man, I couldn't agree more
Show threadVeeApr 24
@Robo105 👍