Richard Skinner brings the sensible jumper, Adam and the Ants bring "Ant music".
The ticking you might hear in the background is Mr. Ant's 150 days of fame, meticulously measured by the bands' two drummers.
Second hit single of the autumn, and proof that Ant and the (er) Ants were as memorable for style as for music.
"Blue moon" from Showaddywaddy.
No month on #TOTP would be complete without Leicester's finest, and December is no exception.
Cover of The Marcels' song, complete with energetic and enthusiastic doo-wop stylings.
If you're watching, John Alford, this is what you should have done.
"What brings you here, Jermaine Jackson?"
"I'm promoting my album."
And a birthday cake from One Of Legs & Co.
Madness perform "Embarrassment", the one with the tartan checks.
Surprisingly static performance, the band seem to have been stuck to the spot after someone spilled BBC coffee on the floor.
Still knocks spots off the end of the last show.
"Lies" from The Status Quo.
At this stage in their career, the band were recording in a strange mish-mash of classical Latin and English.
Well, that's what they told Quintus Iuvenalis in the Daily Hodie.
The Pointless Pop News didn't last long: gig guides on #TOTP just don't work.
Gary Numan is taking up flying, eh? We'll never hear that again.
"Somewhere over the rainbow" - Matchbox
Can someone hurry up and invent Eva Cassidy? Or bring back Showaddywaddywaddy?
This song is so slow and boring that it gives up halfway through and turns into something different. But still deathly dull.
"De do do do, de da da da" - Police
Are you a band? Do you need to make a video in a hurry? Here's a thought.
Take your friends to an isolated chalet at a ski resort. Get blinding drunk. Film what happens.
It'll never make sense, your song will become a hit, and people will make documentaries about it four decades later.
"Flash" - Queen
Aaah!
Bellowing BRIAN BLESSED! Gordon's alive!! Camper than a whole seaside resort!!!
Everybody involved treated this film as a complete hoot from start to finish - except the director, who had to pretend it was in some way Deep and Meaningful and not the biggest lost of good-humoured tosh in centuries.
"Runaway boys" - Stray Cats
Welcome to the top ten for Brian Setzer and his band.
The through-line from Showaddywaddy to this outfit is obvious. And this explains why Leicester's finest confined themselves to crisp adverts ever after.
I'm not sure that quiff's properly plugged in...
"Super trouper" - ABBA
The video. When we saw this clip in 2015, we thought it would be ABBA's last week at number one, ever; "Don't shut me down" had other ideas.
I cannot remember if Swap Shop gave away Anni-Frid's blue jumper with the white flowers, or just sent out the pattern.
"Imagine" - John Lennon
Taken from 1975's "A Salute to Lew Grade", and Lennon's last public performance.
Our first Mystery Year was 1980. More follows...
"Everybody move" - Cathy Dennis
See, her last single "Too many walls" was a very clever love song. And we know that she can sing, and write killer pop songs.
So why does this tune sound like something Five Star would turn down as too basic?
With those strobes and that much dry ice, don't think we're in 1980 any more, folks.
"Running out of time". Digital Orgasm, if you believe the single.
Another entry from the Big 1991 Book of Faceless Dance Acts. They were, apparently, Maurice Engelen, Nikkie van Lierop, and Oliver Adams.
Maurice went on to form Praga Khan, and apparently this tune bears more than a few similarities to his later work "Infected with a poison".
Be careful what you wish for.
"We should be together" - Cliff Richard
Taken from his Christmas album "Together with Cliff Richard".
Written by Bruce Roberts, who wrote Donna Summer and Babs Streisand's "No more tears".
Cliff's last two festive singles made number 1, and - however much he dresses the set with armchairs and fireplaces and Christmas cards that aren't even plugged in - this will not be a big hit.
"You showed me" - Salt-n-Pepa
The group followed up "Let's talk about sex" with this radically reinventive Turtles cover.
It's a move, similarly ballsy to when they followed up "Push it" with a "Twist and shout" remake a few years earlier.
"Don't talk just kiss" - Jocelyn Brown
Attention, most regrettably, is on the blokes providing the backing vocals. Lads, whoever you are, there's a proper legend in the studio. Show some respect!
Breakers! "The Joseph mega remix" from Jason Donovan, promoting his residence in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat in London.
"Bare necessities megamix" - Uk Mixmasters. This turned up on the next #TOTP.
More breakers! "Mysterious ways" from U2, following up their number one single.
"If you go away" - New Kids on the Block. Yes, that sounds like a very good idea.
Needless to say, we don't need to see any more of these.
"Martika's kitchen" - Martika
We've speed-run my crush on Martika in the past four months: from "Toy soldiers" to the song she was destined to make: playful, funky, intensely memorable, sexy and even more playful than one dare imagine.
Written by Prince, after he'd had a riffle through young Martika's diaries, the title track from her second album has lots of double-entendres, always room to put another one in,
We're still waiting for album three, 'Tika.
"Don't let the sun go down on me" - George Michael and Elton John
The moment George introduces his special guest: [chef's kiss]
A full concert from George is next on BBC4.
BBC2 tomorrow has a documentary about the song "Last Christmas". It may not be Whamageddon-avoidant.
Our second Mystery Year was 1991.
It's Christmas, so there's Top of the Pops almost every night next week.
Monday is Christmas 1985, then the 1978 episode we've all seen a million times before on Tuesday.
Wednesday has 2002, Thursday's got 1993, and next Friday gives us the joys of 1989 and two more Mystery Years.
And two more weeks of this to follow!
Whatever you're doing this weekend, #TOTP hashtag, have a fabulous one!
Our group declare to be true
Girl about village
Dan Hatton
Ian K Tindale