Akos SzalayAs it’s the holidays, I’m reading Hogfather from Terry Pratchett, and for the first time in my life something’s inspired me to live-comment the experience. I’ll be doing so in this 🧵 - the first few posts will be rapid, as I’m 70 pages in, then it’ll become more real-time. #hogfather #TerryPrachett #hogswatch
I have to say Hogfather is already a great book. But when you have a shadow take out a contract on Santa in the first 15 pages, how do you follow that up? 😆 #hogfather #terrypratchett #hogswatch
Well the way it was followed up is that in the very next scene, the guy the head of the assassin guild asks to do the job immediately say “well I’ve given it quite a bit of thought already” - I have a feeling that this book is going to be wild #hogfather #TerryPrachett #hogswatch
Ok now I’ve got to the point where they’ve now hired the cast of Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels to go after Santa, and there’s a specific Death of Rats, who only communicates by SQUEAKs. While the mysterious shadows die immediately as they become self-aware. #hogfather #TerryPrachett #hogswatch
And now Death is Santa because quote “someone has to do it”. He also has a granddaughter somehow, who has to be warned by a talking raven who can translate the Death of Rats but has a weird fixation with robins. #hogfather #terrypatchett #hogswatch
Meanwhile the Archchancellor of the Unseen University of wizards is preoccupied with building a new bathroom in a room with a door with the highest warning-sign density ever recorded, and I feel like this will be important somehow, but I can’t for the life of me figure out how. #hogfather #TerryPrachett #hogswatch
Now Death, the Death of Rats and the talking raven are getting a bollocking from Death’s granddaughter for dressing up like Santa, while Death protests that he’s following all protocol, as there are rules and a list, and he’s checked it twice (yes, twice will be sufficient). Apparently the real Santa is dead, so Death was the most obvious replacement in a pinch
And now I’ve learned that there’s specific magic to allow Santa to consume all of the sherry and pork pies left out for him without exploding. And while Death can’t eat any of it, his helper can. But he’s keeping track of the numbers for some reason. There’s also a side story of Jack Frost and a gnome that does something to drains which again I feel like will be important somehow. #hogfather #TerryPrachett #hogswatch
It’s simply not possible to add to this exchange, but I feel like it deserves to be known. #hogfather #terrypratchett #hogswatch
Death’s granddaughter (Susan) decides to do something, as once again “someone’s got to do it”. The option of putting Death into a nursing home is briefly considered but discarded, as it would upset the other residents. #hogfather #terrypratchett #hogswatch
Of course Death has a house for some reason, and it’s full of cats #hogfather #terrypratchett #hogswatch
The Archchancellor’s bathroom was designed by Bloody Stupid Johnson. Predictably, shenanigans ensue. Original purpose of invention unclear. Not quite sure what yet, but it’s a promise of things to come. Still don’t see how this is connected to the plot. #hogfather #terrypratchett #hogswatch
Death is a hilarious mall Santa, much to the dismay of the people running the mall. The archchancellor and a gnome discuss bathrooms #hogfather #terrypratchett #hogswatch
Apparently the gnome gives people veruccas, does not know why. #hogfather #terrypratchett #hogswatch
And the wizards have built an AI, which makes just as much sense as chatGPT but is a lot more environmentally friendly than our version #hogfather #terrypratchett #hogswatch #discworld
Death is experiencing the trauma of dealing with bratty kids at Christmas while doing his best to Monkey’s Paw their wishes. There is an argument about the purpose of swords vis-a-vis their suitability as a child’s Christmas present. His granddaughter goes on a fact-finding mission and tries to locate Santa, whose castle seems to be out of warranty as it’s crumbling. #hogfather #terrypratchett #hogswatch #discworld
Meanwhile the cast of Lock Stock discusses their fear of the assassin who hired them (Mister Teatime). Said assassin is preoccupied with opening a door, thereby relating to Archchancellor Ridcully earlier. Although so far it’s not a very strong connection. #hogfather #terrypratchett #hogswatch #discworld
Of course there’s an “oh god” of hangovers. He woke up in Santa’s collapsing castle, doesn’t remember why or how he got there. The raven continues to be obsessed with robins #hogfather #terrypratchett #hogswatch #discworld
Nobby Nobbs resolves to arrest Santa in the hopes of securing more alcohol. He doesn’t know it’s Death yet. The wizards have a Christmas party, until Death’s granddaughter turns up with the oh god. They brainstorm hangover remedies, and decide on all of them, including wow-wow sauce #hogfather #terrypatchett #hogswatch #discworld
Nobby’s encounter with Death results in no arrests, yes crossbow. The true meaning of Christmas is revealed. The oh god sobers up, while the god of drinking gets a hangover. More gnomes and fairies pop into existence, causing the wizards to investigate, but only after ensuring they won’t draw the ire of the laundry lady (she’s away at the moment). #hogfather #terrypratchett #hogswatch #discworld
The oh god has trouble finding something non-alcoholic to drink at the university. The wizards chase the sock-eating monster. Death saves a little girl from death, while his helper chases some angels away with snowballs. Overall could be stranger. #hogfather #terrypratchett #hogswatch #discworld
The wizards fix their AI by telling it that it’s fixed (it can’t recognise lies so it reasons that it must be fixed then). It then explains that all these various new gnomes and fairies exist because there’s no good reason for them not to. Everyone concedes this point while they generate new fairies by accident. #hogfather #terrypratchett #hogswatch #discworld
The God of Indigestion has now been created, and promptly disappeared to the nearest loo. Susan (Death’s granddaughter) and the oh god ponder teeth. The wizards have to buy their own pencils. Tooth fairies operate as a franchise. #hogfather #terrypratchett #hogswatch #discworld
The wizards discuss the state of play. They keep accidentally creating more fairies. Susan investigates, and break several important undead pub rules. Doorknobs schnoornobs. #hogfather #terrypratchett #hogswatch #discworld
The tooth fairy franchise is being run by an annoying bureaucrat. They ship teeth somewhere. Nobody seems to know where or why. The YMCA is a thing. Threads are now converging- Banjo (one of the lock stock people) seems key. Susan is worried that Death runs in the family. #hogfather #terrypratchett #hogswatch #discworld
Death saves someone from a king’s half eaten dinner. The king is warned. Pork > turkey. Banjo’s nearly finished his book. Only 2 pages left. The oh god decides to get drunk to see what all the fuss is about. #hogfather #terrypratchett #hogswatch #discworld
Death ponders the inherent unfairness of life and the socio-economic factors at play during Christmas (he obviously hasn’t seen Philomena Cunk’s documentary on the topic), while learning how to operate a lock. The wealth levels of church mice vs other mice are discussed. #hogfather #terrypratchett #hogswatch #discworld
The wizards threaten their AI with a hammer, which makes it work. The answer to the fairies seems to be that Santa’s disappearance created a belief surplus which they’re now using to pop into existence. The wizards argue over Christmas traditions. They summon the Cheerful Fairy who immediately becomes depressed. They offer her a drink. #hogfather #terrypratchett #hogswatch #discworld
The wizards debate whether bananas are fish. The Librarian is cold. They wait for the Hogfather in the dark. Carolers collecting for the poor encounter the poor and are not impressed. It rains a Christmas feast. It’s more expensive to give than to receive #hogfather #terrypratchett #hogswatch #discworld
Chris Ingersoll@therealtrebitsch THAT WILL BE AN IMPORTANT LESSON lives rent-free in my head.