@alice @axnxcamr @actuallyautistic

I have never (not even now) felt "clever"

Other people have said it. They even used that word to deny me things I was interested in and used it to direct me towards more academic interests.

I was a shy, nervous kid with a stammer. Bookish and nerdy. I read A LOT, didn't think anything of that. I thought every body read loads. After all that's why we had a library!

Turns out reading dictionaries and encyclopaedias was seen as a bit "odd" in an 8/9 year old.

My stammer was seen as an embarrassment . My speech therapist enrolled me in the afterschool acting club without my permission.

I felt singled out. The teacher's pet who knew all the answers was also the swot who got beaten up every breaktime.

I became library monitor mainly to avoid the bullies but also to be close to the one authority figure who seemed to "get me".. the Librarian.

I went to Uni. Thought it would stop. Soon My professors were asking me to mentor others. To lead study sessions and help the weaker students with their work.

Then One suggested I join a club he was in. Mensa. I said I didn't think I qualified but he argued otherwise. he gave me a form. I filled it in. I got a form back I paid my fees and went for an exam, then was told I was a member of this club.

I hated everyone and everything associated with it.

I left quicker than I joined.

I may have sailed through school and university academically but it was never plain sailing. Many a times I was nearly swamped by waves of work, or left battered and broken by a storm of bullying and jealousy.

Many a time I nearly sunk. There were even times when I felt like abandoning ship but I sailed on.

I was in my mid 40s. My ship was patched up and creaking. It let in water occasionally and at times I spent more time bailing out than sailing when I got my diagnosis.

When I realised my little ship was a little autistic-schooner and not a neurotypical super yacht I realised that the high expectations set on me by teachers, parents and professors alike were not in my best interests.

I'd never sail round the world unaided but I could happily visit islands of interest and sail around then for weeks at a time exploring every little nook and cranny, every inlet and outcropping until I lost interest and found a new island of interest.

I hate the two letters I and Q in that order. It was even mentioned in my diagnosis report about how my "obviously high intellect gave him coping mechanisms"

No I didn't cope any better... they just blinded observers to my failings. All they could see were my bright highlights.. not the deep dark holes of my needs and issues.

@PeteLittle @alice @axnxcamr @actuallyautistic

Ah, Mensa. "I hated everyone and everything associated with it."

Actual LOL. My one encounter: sitting in a room with fifteen people, all sitting around Being Intelligent at each other. 🤦

My favorite moment: someone puts host's LP of Bach's Toccata & Fugue in d minor (played on steel drums) on. This one guy, sits up, whips around, & demands, "What organ is that!?" 🤦 😂

Def Not My People 😂 

Edit: added a crucial detail I'd left out.

@cavyherd @alice @axnxcamr @actuallyautistic I went to three meetings/sessions. The first was almost bearable. People sitting around talking about how smart they were and so much smarter than everyone else (as someone who never felt smart I just smiled) and did some puzzles on a board.

2nd meeting I was stuck with one blow hard who decided that the working class didn't know what was good for them and the upper class intellectuals should dictate what happens. He himself was probably upper working/lower middle with delusions of grandeur.

The third and last meeting I walked out of. Same asshat as meeting 2 with some of his cronies drunkenly discussing how immigration was watering down the bloodline and "inferior" people should be prevented from breeding.

Far too much shallow fakery and downright hatred of minorities. Also the meetings were otherwise really dull and boring.

I never went back.

@StarkRG @cavyherd @alice @axnxcamr @actuallyautistic the whole concept of IQ is b*llsh*t anyway. I'm good at maths, I'm adept at solving silly logic puzzles. I can recognise patterns and think three dimensionally.. doesn't mean I'm "clever" whatever that's supposed to mean. I got my mathematics degree. I can't drive. I'm a successful software engineer. I can't look after myself properly. I was supposedly "gifted" but am a gibbering wreck unable to talk when stressed or in large noisy crowds.

My dad could fix anything. Couldn't do maths for toffee but it didn't matter if it was a car or a washing machine or a clock. He could fix it. I couldn't do that but I learnt electronics and that impressed him ashe didn't understand that.

We're all good at something.