Ernie Smith

The Onion bought Infowars. Not a drill. Not a drill.

https://theonion.com/heres-why-i-decided-to-buy-infowars/

Here’s Why I Decided To Buy ‘InfoWars’

Today we celebrate a new addition to the Global Tetrahedron LLC family of brands. And let me say, I really do see it as a family. Much like family members, our brands are abstract nodes of wealth, interchangeable assets for their patriarch to absorb and discard according to the opaque whims of the market. And […]

The Onion
Nov 14, 2024 at 2:07pmWeb
Show threadErnie SmithNov 14, 2024
A non-satirical version of this very real story: https://www.status.news/p/the-onion-acquires-infowars
The Onion acquires Infowars

As part of the deal, The Onion will own Infowars' website, product inventory, customers lists, social media accounts, and intellectual property.

Status
Show threadErnie SmithNov 14, 2024

Also, the main sponsor of the new site will be Everytown for Gun Safety, per the NYT.

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/11/14/business/media/alex-jones-infowars-the-onion.html?unlocked_article_code=1.Z04.Wiwi.UMUgUSO1vzUW&smid=url-share

The Onion Buys Alex Jones’s Infowars Out of Bankruptcy

The satirical news site intends to turn Infowars into a parody of itself. But the court overseeing the bankruptcy put a hold on the sale pending a hearing next week.

The New York Times
Show threadMaxNov 14, 2024
@ernie oh wow, that is absolutely glorious!
Show threadGiselleNov 14, 2024
@ernie The use of the Global Tetrahedron name is... so on the nose. Very funny.
Minds boggle at the Onion buying Jones's outfit. Woah.
Show threadS T E L L A R  Nov 14, 2024
@ernie huh?? ​​
Show threadMemphisDaPlaya 🎲🎲Nov 17, 2024

@ernie

Info-Onions? or Onion-Wars?

Show threadScott Miller 🇺🇦 🇺🇸Nov 14, 2024

@ernie I love this line where they deliberately avoid putting that scumbag’s name into print.

“… the hapless owner of InfoWars (a forgettable man with an already-forgotten name)…”

Show threadRamenCatholic 🐢🌈Nov 14, 2024

@ernie

> our philanthropic efforts that include business school scholarships for promising cult leaders

Where do I apply?

Show threadPat MadiganNov 14, 2024
@ernie So it’s basically a Catch & Kill, with the support of the Sandy Hook families. Excellent!
Show threadgkrnoursNov 14, 2024
@patmadigan @ernie they plan to relaunch infowars and use it to make for of right-wing people selling supplement, the same way clickhole make fun of buzzword list
Show threadPat MadiganNov 14, 2024
@gkrnours @ernie I can’t wait to see what they come up with for the new website.
Show threadyumaikas/sakiamuNov 14, 2024
@ernie Also not a dril
Show threadCrash!!Nov 14, 2024
@ernie We live in the dumbest timeline, but things like this make it all worth it
Show threadBytebro 🇬🇧 🇺🇦 🇬🇱Nov 14, 2024

@ernie

This. THIS THIS THIS!! The original story was wonderful, but now they've 'Onioned' it perfectly.

Show threadPepperbikeNov 14, 2024
@ernie This is some of the best news I've seen this year.
Show threadSky, Cozy Goth Prince of CatsNov 14, 2024
.@ernie "What’s next for InfoWars remains a live issue. The excess funds initially allocated for the purchase will be reinvested into our philanthropic efforts that include business school scholarships for promising cult leaders, a charity that donates elections to at-risk third world dictators, and a new pro bono program pairing orphans with stable factory jobs at no cost to the factories." These are excellent writing prompts.
Show threadJargogglesNov 14, 2024
@ernie
I can't imagine a more suitable organization to run that trash brand. Amazing move by The Onion.
Show threadJ.elgatoNov 14, 2024

@ernie

OMG. 😂

This is the first serious laugh I've had in a week.

Show threadHryscanNov 14, 2024
@ernie Global Tetrahedron 😂
Show threadohmrunNov 14, 2024

@ernie

Knight to fkn Bishop

Show threadNatNov 14, 2024
@ernie A definite win.
Show threadRai Aren 🖖✨📚🇺🇦Nov 15, 2024
@ernie Such great news!!!!!!!! 👏 👏 🙌