ironhydroxideOct 28, 2024
josef

me: *presses play on an app*

app: Great! Your journey is about to begin! Just some questions first. Where were you born? How would you describe your income bracket?

me: *dismiss*

app: Got it! We'll ask you next time before asking you questions.

me: *presses shuffle button*

app: Got it! Shuffle enabled until tomorrow.

notification: Somebody enabled shuffle playback on your account. Click here to verify

notification: 🏆ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: Power user

app: Do you want to rate this app?

Oct 27, 2024 at 8:06pmWeb
Show threadChris KletschOct 27, 2024
@jk too close...
Show threadTim W RESISTSOct 27, 2024
@jk and this is why we're doomed. Doomed.
Show threadTom MagnanimousOct 27, 2024
@jk also every button says "sweet!" or "I'm in!" instead of ok
Show threadDen of EarthOct 27, 2024
@funkula @jk
I don't mind those so much but I wish the "Ask me later" button was really labeled "Fuck off"
Show threadMatt PalmerOct 27, 2024

@DenOfEarth if I were to become Supreme Dictator, anyone who created an "ask me later" option without also adding a "fuck off forever" would be immediately put to death. Also, the "fuck off forever" option would be required to send a remote electric shock to the product manager who designed the dialog box.

@funkula @jk

Show threadJacOct 27, 2024
@jk why yes, yes I do want to rate this app 1 star thank you for asking
Show threadMatt PalmerOct 27, 2024

@sloenthusiast bonus points for popping up a fake "do you want to rate this app?" star picker, which only forwards you to the real rating screen if you pick five stars the first time.

@jk

Show threadJamie KnightOct 27, 2024
@jk and every negative choice is labelled *Not now*
Show threadScott Williams 🐧Oct 27, 2024
@jk app: I see you're in a Target. Enable location permissions to always allow access to this app to get offers for the aisle you're currently in.
Show threadpcbeardOct 28, 2024

@vwbusguy @jk the target app lies about what they have in stock.

“You’re in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike.”

Show threadScott Williams 🐧Oct 28, 2024
@pcbeard @jk If shopping at Target were like a MUD dungeon crawler.
Show threadcmdrSprocketOct 28, 2024
@vwbusguy @pcbeard @jk You have been eaten by a marketing grue.
Show threadpcbeardOct 28, 2024
@cmdrSprocket @vwbusguy @jk somebody should do a parody of zork consisting entirely of internet culture and hardships. You, the hapless blogger trying to find an audience but are gradually shut out of the game as SEO stops working and your content is given away by search engine excerpts.
Show threadScott Williams 🐧Oct 28, 2024
@pcbeard @cmdrSprocket @jk Paging @mc_frontalot . He seems uniquely qualified for that.
Show threadPier HegemanOct 28, 2024
@pcbeard @vwbusguy @jk It is dark. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.
Show threaddasgrueneblattOct 27, 2024
@jk 🤦😱😭😂
Show threadAndrew Jon ThomsonOct 27, 2024
@jk the “do you want to rate this app“ pop-ups seem really self-destructive to me because every time I get one I think wow I wasn’t planning on rating the app but now you’ve enraged me by blocking my app use with a stupid pop-up when I’m trying to actually use your app so maybe I will go on there and give you zero stars.
Show threadBill HookerOct 27, 2024
@jk This hits way too hard.
Show threadnigelOct 27, 2024
I hate this future.
Show threadvirkonOct 28, 2024
@jk spot on!!
Now expand this dystopian clicking field to Office365.
Show threadPaul BowsherOct 28, 2024
@jk I think you’ll find Shuffle requires an automatically renewing in-app purchase.
Show threadRedstoneLP2Oct 28, 2024
@jk
me: opens app
app: "plz gib money + 5 stars"
Show thread0x10f/kalle/qalleOct 28, 2024
@jk
app: *plays an ad where a king shits himself if you don't help him get to the outhouse*
app: *plays an ad where a green orc digs a worm out of his belly button and eats it*
(both examples are real; I warned you)
Show threadInaction FigureOct 28, 2024

@jk

Share And Enjoy!

Show threadjosefOct 28, 2024
@inaction_figure id rather stick my head in a pig
Show thread🌰🐈‍⬛ Kathee 🐈‍⬛🌰 Stop shoving AI down my throat it's not a dOct 28, 2024
@jk halfway through reading this I was already trying to uninstall the app djdjjshd
Show threadAdam PiggottOct 28, 2024
@jk too fuckin' right I do.